nega-tivo
I hate this.
I want to be better.
Added Edits: (Two Hours Later).
I just wanted to clarify a little why I feel lonely tonight. I've had some time to think about it more rationally, and I can be a little more specific.
Essentially, I'm feeling lonely because I am alone. And I don't want to be. This week has been stressful at work for me because of the 4 other people in my company, 3 have needed me to help them with various tasks (and the 4th has been out of town). There is so much work to do that they can't get it done themselves, and they look to me to help them. At one point today, all three were asking me to take care of something at the same time. There's just no way that I can do everything at once, and I spend 8 or 9 stressful hours trying to fend them off and meet all three deadlines. It's hard work.
Tomorrow, right after work, I'm going flying for the first time in 6 months. I'm scared to death that I don't remember all the things I need to know. It took me nearly a year to learn everything I needed to get my license, and I'm so out of practice I've lost all confidence. I'm worried I'm going to not only look like a fool, but fly like one.
I spend all day looking at my nearly blank buddy list. I used to have 30 people on there, and now I'm lucky to have 2-3. There's no one at home for me to talk to, and no one online either. On stressful days like this, as I try to prepare for flying and not have a total meltdown at work, i just wish that there was someone out there for me to talk to, to calm me down, to reassure me that I really am that sweet, intelligent, awesome guy.
I need someone to tell me that it will all be ok, and on nights like this, the silence is too loud. I try my hardest to make some noise, and all I ever seem to make are little squeaks.
I hate this.
I want to be better.
I want to be better.
Added Edits: (Two Hours Later).
I just wanted to clarify a little why I feel lonely tonight. I've had some time to think about it more rationally, and I can be a little more specific.
Essentially, I'm feeling lonely because I am alone. And I don't want to be. This week has been stressful at work for me because of the 4 other people in my company, 3 have needed me to help them with various tasks (and the 4th has been out of town). There is so much work to do that they can't get it done themselves, and they look to me to help them. At one point today, all three were asking me to take care of something at the same time. There's just no way that I can do everything at once, and I spend 8 or 9 stressful hours trying to fend them off and meet all three deadlines. It's hard work.
Tomorrow, right after work, I'm going flying for the first time in 6 months. I'm scared to death that I don't remember all the things I need to know. It took me nearly a year to learn everything I needed to get my license, and I'm so out of practice I've lost all confidence. I'm worried I'm going to not only look like a fool, but fly like one.
I spend all day looking at my nearly blank buddy list. I used to have 30 people on there, and now I'm lucky to have 2-3. There's no one at home for me to talk to, and no one online either. On stressful days like this, as I try to prepare for flying and not have a total meltdown at work, i just wish that there was someone out there for me to talk to, to calm me down, to reassure me that I really am that sweet, intelligent, awesome guy.
I need someone to tell me that it will all be ok, and on nights like this, the silence is too loud. I try my hardest to make some noise, and all I ever seem to make are little squeaks.
I hate this.
I want to be better.