Aging Parents are NOT much fun!
Mom & Eddie came over yesterday. I can see mom changing so much, and it really saddens me. I guess as you age, something about your memory pattern shifts. She can't remember what she had for breakfast, but she can remember her childhood events, and young adult events, like they were yesterday. I saw that happen with dad too.
She reminded me how disappointed she was in me when I ran away and got married, and how much it hurt her. She told me what high hopes she had for me, how I was the one who was going to be different, make something of myself, how she'd hoped I would turn out to be a beautiful professional. I wanted to strangle her, but I felt too sorry for her. So I just flatly said, "Mom, I am a beautiful professional." She started tripping over her words, and I just ignored the rest of her comments.
Then somehow the subject of babies and childbirth came up. I've heard her talk a million times about her second baby, the first one that died, Ricky. But this was the first time she ever tried to describe what she went thru over it, and it was heart-wrenching. She said she had nightmares that he was cold. She said while aunt Gladys was there to help out, she had put her own baby in Ricky's crib while mom was sleeping. She woke up, saw the baby in the crib, thought she had dreamed his death, was overjoyed, then had to go thru it all again. How excruciating!! I can't begin to imagine such things!! And to know she lost SEVEN children, just makes me hurt so badly for her. Another piece she never included before is that the whole thing was an anesthesia mistake. The doctor felt so bad, he quit his practice and went back to school specifically to study anesthesia. Wow! How awful for him!
How the hell did she survive losing seven babies??? It's clear to me why she snapped so long ago, but I don't think she snapped quite as badly as I would have. How did she find the strength to ever breathe again, much less function, make love and get pregnant over and over?? I'll never understand that level of strength, and I thank my lucky stars that I've had a very charmed and easy life!
At any rate...it's depressing to see the changes in her, and makes me so afraid of what I could possibly someday put my kids thru. I'm scared to death about that! Aging just strips every ounce of dignity from your life, and causes you to be a drain on everyone you love. I really do not want to be that for anyone. Gotta learn how to set things up my own way.
It's time to make a living will.
Peach...dammit...peace out....Luv2All!
She reminded me how disappointed she was in me when I ran away and got married, and how much it hurt her. She told me what high hopes she had for me, how I was the one who was going to be different, make something of myself, how she'd hoped I would turn out to be a beautiful professional. I wanted to strangle her, but I felt too sorry for her. So I just flatly said, "Mom, I am a beautiful professional." She started tripping over her words, and I just ignored the rest of her comments.
Then somehow the subject of babies and childbirth came up. I've heard her talk a million times about her second baby, the first one that died, Ricky. But this was the first time she ever tried to describe what she went thru over it, and it was heart-wrenching. She said she had nightmares that he was cold. She said while aunt Gladys was there to help out, she had put her own baby in Ricky's crib while mom was sleeping. She woke up, saw the baby in the crib, thought she had dreamed his death, was overjoyed, then had to go thru it all again. How excruciating!! I can't begin to imagine such things!! And to know she lost SEVEN children, just makes me hurt so badly for her. Another piece she never included before is that the whole thing was an anesthesia mistake. The doctor felt so bad, he quit his practice and went back to school specifically to study anesthesia. Wow! How awful for him!
How the hell did she survive losing seven babies??? It's clear to me why she snapped so long ago, but I don't think she snapped quite as badly as I would have. How did she find the strength to ever breathe again, much less function, make love and get pregnant over and over?? I'll never understand that level of strength, and I thank my lucky stars that I've had a very charmed and easy life!
At any rate...it's depressing to see the changes in her, and makes me so afraid of what I could possibly someday put my kids thru. I'm scared to death about that! Aging just strips every ounce of dignity from your life, and causes you to be a drain on everyone you love. I really do not want to be that for anyone. Gotta learn how to set things up my own way.
It's time to make a living will.
Peach...dammit...peace out....Luv2All!