Episode 6: Teach Me How To Study

[webball]

A | 460 Stone St | Day | Open to passersby or housemates

[Peter's eyes snap open. He's lying in bed in his Mayfield house, in that still-unfamiliar bedroom. He's under the covers, the blanket wrapped tightly around his side, fabric digging into his skin a little. He freezes, panicking, remembering his condition. He takes a few slow, careful breaths

Comments

B

[jaws5sonofjaws]

[And look who should walk in but Mart, the punk sharkboy who tried to extort food from you! He'll just plop himself down to a desk and rest his feet up while eating a sandwich.]

Re: B

[webball]

[Peter double takes.]

What the he--

[He sees the kids file in]

---ECK! HECK. What the heck. You're... Mart Vineyard? Why are you...?

[jaws5sonofjaws]

[omnomnomnom]

Oh it's you, the noob.

I gotta come to school or else I get droned.

It totally sucks more than this class ever could.

[webball]

...Thank you...? I guess? Maybe?

[He watches as Mart just... decimates his lunch.]

What is it with you and sandwiches, anyway?

[jaws5sonofjaws]

[omnomnomnomnomnom-STOP]

I dunno.

What is it with you and breathing, anyway?

[Look carefully enough and you can see the sandwich is filled with ham, bologna, turkey, every meat in the deli spectrum.]

[webball]

Breathing? What kinda question is that...? I breathe for the sexual thrill. [THE SEXUAL THRILL! THE SEXUAL THRILL] Why do you THINK, man, because I HAVE to!

[Pete just noticed a few girls near the front are looking up at him in alarm. Whoops. REAL PROFESSIONAL, Parker... Wait, why do I even care?]

Man, that is... a meaty sandwich. Great, now I'm hungry.

[jaws5sonofjaws]

Well, then you'd still be the least perverted whacko in this town.

And hell yes it's a meat sandwich. Meat is the best kind of sandwich!

[CHOMP CHOMP gone]

[webball]

Yeah... Yeah, it really is, not gonna lie.

Well! Guess I should start class, huh?

[He clears his throat.]

Welcome class. My name is Mr. Parker and I'm teaching... Biology, I guess.

[jaws5sonofjaws]

You don't really sound like you know shit about Biology.

Or giving a shit about teaching class.

[webball]

I'm qualified, I just... the teaching staff don't exactly give you a curriculum or even textbooks. Oh and also I don't want to be here anymore than you do.

Anyway, I'm sure we'll figure it out, or something.

[jaws5sonofjaws]

Well figure it out while I take a nap.

[Mart'll rest his head on the textbook. No fucks given.]

[webball]

[When Mart's head is down, Peter throws his hands up in the air in aggravation. THIS GUY IS SO...!]

Hnggh...! OKAY! Class! Maybe we should start by introducing ourselves? Cuz, I'll be honest, it's not like I can give homework right now, and I wouldn't completely expect you to, like, actually do it, honestly.

[jaws5sonofjaws]

[Mart raises his head.]

Ha! Now you're learning!

Might as well say hello... My name's Mart. Mart Vineyard. Demi-god and professional badass.

[webball]

Yes, yes, Mart Vineyard, thank you.

[Wait...]

...Like the quaint New England tourist town that US Presidents love visiting? Really? Did your parents like that place THAT much?

[jaws5sonofjaws]

The hell are you talking about.

My mom's last name was Vineyard and she named me Mart.

[webball]

..........Huh. Happy accident...?

[What are the odds...?]

Welp, I hope you like sharks, cuz it's probably in your blood if that's your name.