Snow, Power Cuts,Journals and Moving On
(copied from my old UKPagan journals)
I was looking forward to being onsite last night, I was on for the 2002/2003 change of year date and the site had a wonderful atmosphere that night as the year changed
My parents had been over and we'd had a gorgeous chinese takeaway, really beautiful food At 9pm it was snowing, over the previous nights heavy frost. By 9.30pm it was fast, thick, heavy and deep on the ground They left shortly after and the nights fun began. I came onsite, my normal slow connection at suicide levels as the net was so busy page not loading speed and a short while later, off went the power A bit later on came the power so I came back onsite, a bit later off went the power, plunged into darkness again as the power goes off It eventually comes back only to dip so low, so frequently that candles were needed to supplement the lighting. So I came off the computer
Outside the wind was strong, the snowing falling fast and thick, and I thought how eerie it was, in a nice protective kind of way, could make a ghost type story out of that I was thinking. As I came through to the living room I glanced at the clock which said midnight. Not quite believing it, I switched the radio back on, from out of Radio 4 came the chimes of Big Ben
Rang my parents, rang my best mates, couldn't ring the other ones as they were working, and then toddled off to bed. Where I started a journal. It was something I'd meant to start for a long time, but only found the perfect blank notebook that day. I used to keep diaries, and recorded all kinds of daft stuff in them, until I came home one day to find my (now) -ex-husband furious with me, my OLD diaries in his hand, a pen in the other where he'd scribbled in MY diaries what he thought of my recorded notes, comments, conversations and events He accused me of all sorts, distorting the very words he'd read, despite he'd known about the things in there, not that any of those matters had any kind of relevance to him anyway since it was before him and as I said things he knew about anyway. Oh and for his troubles and mental torments I got a few bruises. I hid the diaires, locked them away and made him promise not to read them again.
A few weeks later I came home to find him fast asleep on our bed, my diaries with pages torn out around him, pen in hand and more accusations written on those hallowed pages and words scribbled out so fiercely the pen had gone through several sheets. The inevitable happened and I got more bruises I locked them all away again and stored the box at my parents. That was about 94? 95? I've never kept one since understandably.
Now I've started a journal, on here these are journals, I can share things here, so why can't I in a book? I realise though that there's things that I will never be able to write in my paper journal that I could before he destroyed that pleasure for me. Things about people here (real life) that although there's no chance they'd ever see it, I can't take the risk of doing that. All these years on, he's still won, but I'm getting there slowly.
Brighter stuff now My best mate rang last night at 2.45am, and we chatted until 4.15am If the worst happens, and I have to leave here around March when the landlord moves out I could rent his & his brothers (deceased) mothers cottage until I found somewhere suitable for me. That is a house with an attached granny flat so I'd have no need to attempt the stairs which would make it suitable. It's not far from my old house though so unless that old neighbour of mine who forced me out has gone, that really would have be emergency as I have NO wish to risk seeing that guy, especially as the only way to get to that cottage is to drive right past my old house. It's not a solution, and it's not an answer, it would be a temporary safety net. I'm grateful don't get me wrong, but that area has some terrible memories for me as well as some nice ones. Plus Motherfuss is buried in that garden (four years on and I miss that old cat like mad ) and Oscar the 4 year old hamster.
I had a beautiful walk today, got loads of pics of the wood and parkland in the snow. I don't want to leave here, it would break my heart. I'm making the most of walking at the mo, I miss being able to walk like I used to, that will never happen again, but whilst things for me are reasonable I'm making the most of it, it won't last, I know from bitter experience
My grandfather was rushed into hospital last night, he's been very ill with all kinds of things, now he has phenumonia. They're one of those elderly people who are very elderly, elderly beyond their years. As grandparents they were never very nice to me until I got to about 20 when they became a little human. It sounds bitchy but true. My adopted Yorkshire Gran felt like real family, my real grandparents don't.
Gods what a rambling journal entry this is, outloud musings and explanations.
Ah well, take care all of you, unless the net connection improves I can't stay online long, it's so annoying, oh yes, and errrrr,
Happy Change of Year Date to you all
I was looking forward to being onsite last night, I was on for the 2002/2003 change of year date and the site had a wonderful atmosphere that night as the year changed
My parents had been over and we'd had a gorgeous chinese takeaway, really beautiful food At 9pm it was snowing, over the previous nights heavy frost. By 9.30pm it was fast, thick, heavy and deep on the ground They left shortly after and the nights fun began. I came onsite, my normal slow connection at suicide levels as the net was so busy page not loading speed and a short while later, off went the power A bit later on came the power so I came back onsite, a bit later off went the power, plunged into darkness again as the power goes off It eventually comes back only to dip so low, so frequently that candles were needed to supplement the lighting. So I came off the computer
Outside the wind was strong, the snowing falling fast and thick, and I thought how eerie it was, in a nice protective kind of way, could make a ghost type story out of that I was thinking. As I came through to the living room I glanced at the clock which said midnight. Not quite believing it, I switched the radio back on, from out of Radio 4 came the chimes of Big Ben
Rang my parents, rang my best mates, couldn't ring the other ones as they were working, and then toddled off to bed. Where I started a journal. It was something I'd meant to start for a long time, but only found the perfect blank notebook that day. I used to keep diaries, and recorded all kinds of daft stuff in them, until I came home one day to find my (now) -ex-husband furious with me, my OLD diaries in his hand, a pen in the other where he'd scribbled in MY diaries what he thought of my recorded notes, comments, conversations and events He accused me of all sorts, distorting the very words he'd read, despite he'd known about the things in there, not that any of those matters had any kind of relevance to him anyway since it was before him and as I said things he knew about anyway. Oh and for his troubles and mental torments I got a few bruises. I hid the diaires, locked them away and made him promise not to read them again.
A few weeks later I came home to find him fast asleep on our bed, my diaries with pages torn out around him, pen in hand and more accusations written on those hallowed pages and words scribbled out so fiercely the pen had gone through several sheets. The inevitable happened and I got more bruises I locked them all away again and stored the box at my parents. That was about 94? 95? I've never kept one since understandably.
Now I've started a journal, on here these are journals, I can share things here, so why can't I in a book? I realise though that there's things that I will never be able to write in my paper journal that I could before he destroyed that pleasure for me. Things about people here (real life) that although there's no chance they'd ever see it, I can't take the risk of doing that. All these years on, he's still won, but I'm getting there slowly.
Brighter stuff now My best mate rang last night at 2.45am, and we chatted until 4.15am If the worst happens, and I have to leave here around March when the landlord moves out I could rent his & his brothers (deceased) mothers cottage until I found somewhere suitable for me. That is a house with an attached granny flat so I'd have no need to attempt the stairs which would make it suitable. It's not far from my old house though so unless that old neighbour of mine who forced me out has gone, that really would have be emergency as I have NO wish to risk seeing that guy, especially as the only way to get to that cottage is to drive right past my old house. It's not a solution, and it's not an answer, it would be a temporary safety net. I'm grateful don't get me wrong, but that area has some terrible memories for me as well as some nice ones. Plus Motherfuss is buried in that garden (four years on and I miss that old cat like mad ) and Oscar the 4 year old hamster.
I had a beautiful walk today, got loads of pics of the wood and parkland in the snow. I don't want to leave here, it would break my heart. I'm making the most of walking at the mo, I miss being able to walk like I used to, that will never happen again, but whilst things for me are reasonable I'm making the most of it, it won't last, I know from bitter experience
My grandfather was rushed into hospital last night, he's been very ill with all kinds of things, now he has phenumonia. They're one of those elderly people who are very elderly, elderly beyond their years. As grandparents they were never very nice to me until I got to about 20 when they became a little human. It sounds bitchy but true. My adopted Yorkshire Gran felt like real family, my real grandparents don't.
Gods what a rambling journal entry this is, outloud musings and explanations.
Ah well, take care all of you, unless the net connection improves I can't stay online long, it's so annoying, oh yes, and errrrr,
Happy Change of Year Date to you all