drug fears & hibernating.
Far too much going on but also nothing going on. I appear to have gone into hibernation this past month, I even lit the indoors fire last night which is rare. I needed the comfort of the flames in the hearth. I have only been online twice in the last fortnight & each time when when I updated this. Not sure what else to say really. The library service have rung again, it should be the end of this week for my first drop :-)
I saw my GP, & now I have a big problem. She had one drug left that she wanted to try under duress or emergency, unfortunately it's the exact same as the one the consultant prescribed. He ignored & underplayed the severity of the the extreme side effects I suffered. I also discovered that his letter said that I agreed to retrial anti-convulsants!! I bloody well did not, who the fuck would when they went psycotic, extremely suidical, & was unrecognisable. I agreed to try his new drug only, nothing else. Unfortunately this is now the very last drug left, there are no others suitable at all for me. End of the line. And it's an anti-convulsant. Not of the same family as Gabapentin or Tegretol but extremely dangerous side effects under the mental health side of things. Psychotic, aggression, depression, panic attacks, anxious, plus many other symptoms that I already have from illness that cause me extreme problems, my legs & feet were so swollen before I had no arches for goodness sake. The honest truth is I am scared shitless over these drugs, I really am, & that's not something I ever say. This is my last chance. But the drugs have a massive chance of sending me psyco again, & much worse. My GP also told me that the consultant wanted to start me on 75mg a day, going up to 150mg, she will start me on 25mg & see. Her words were "If you get up to 150mg I'll ..." and she didn't finish the sentence. Sjogrens causes people to have phenomenal adverse side effects. Even if I can tolerate these drugs (yeah right!) they can't cure, & I won't be able to take them high enough to control medium plus pain. That said, take the worst pain in the world that you know & that's your 'mildest' TN pain. So as such it's worth a try, but so in comparision is arsenic. I've been thinking about to what to do for days now, I simply don't know. If they weren't the last chance I'd say no instantly but I've been reaching for the morphine more again recently ... ah shit :-(
I lost 'me' completely under the other anti-convulsants, I don't want to go back there again, not only was I gone for so long, but there were times when I thought I was never going to come back. Remembering extreme side effects from one tablet alone several times in the past has been enough for emergency GP call out within minutes, plus that my mum has her own life to lead, well my parents as a couple really, she already does enough for me. Gods I am really fucked up over these drugs & I've not even taken them yet. I really need to trial them but I absolutely daren't.
As promised a while back, a photo of me from happier days at our Whitby outing on September 26th.
(REMOVED)
And apologies to all but I really haven't the brain power to catch up with what's been going on for you. You have been in my thoughts though.
I saw my GP, & now I have a big problem. She had one drug left that she wanted to try under duress or emergency, unfortunately it's the exact same as the one the consultant prescribed. He ignored & underplayed the severity of the the extreme side effects I suffered. I also discovered that his letter said that I agreed to retrial anti-convulsants!! I bloody well did not, who the fuck would when they went psycotic, extremely suidical, & was unrecognisable. I agreed to try his new drug only, nothing else. Unfortunately this is now the very last drug left, there are no others suitable at all for me. End of the line. And it's an anti-convulsant. Not of the same family as Gabapentin or Tegretol but extremely dangerous side effects under the mental health side of things. Psychotic, aggression, depression, panic attacks, anxious, plus many other symptoms that I already have from illness that cause me extreme problems, my legs & feet were so swollen before I had no arches for goodness sake. The honest truth is I am scared shitless over these drugs, I really am, & that's not something I ever say. This is my last chance. But the drugs have a massive chance of sending me psyco again, & much worse. My GP also told me that the consultant wanted to start me on 75mg a day, going up to 150mg, she will start me on 25mg & see. Her words were "If you get up to 150mg I'll ..." and she didn't finish the sentence. Sjogrens causes people to have phenomenal adverse side effects. Even if I can tolerate these drugs (yeah right!) they can't cure, & I won't be able to take them high enough to control medium plus pain. That said, take the worst pain in the world that you know & that's your 'mildest' TN pain. So as such it's worth a try, but so in comparision is arsenic. I've been thinking about to what to do for days now, I simply don't know. If they weren't the last chance I'd say no instantly but I've been reaching for the morphine more again recently ... ah shit :-(
I lost 'me' completely under the other anti-convulsants, I don't want to go back there again, not only was I gone for so long, but there were times when I thought I was never going to come back. Remembering extreme side effects from one tablet alone several times in the past has been enough for emergency GP call out within minutes, plus that my mum has her own life to lead, well my parents as a couple really, she already does enough for me. Gods I am really fucked up over these drugs & I've not even taken them yet. I really need to trial them but I absolutely daren't.
As promised a while back, a photo of me from happier days at our Whitby outing on September 26th.
(REMOVED)
And apologies to all but I really haven't the brain power to catch up with what's been going on for you. You have been in my thoughts though.