The Man in the Yellow Hat
Today I went to church with my family. The preist started talking about three kinds of evils. While I don't remember what they were called, basically it was random acts of fate, like Hurricane Katrina, 'oops' evils, such as killing someone or coveting a really nice box, and DEMONIC evils, which are evils that are endorsed by the devil or something. A Demonic evil is Madonna, the priest says.
Anyway, a priest can't go on about evils in general without talking about the decay of moral society, which obviously means- GAY MARRIAGE. "They want to change the union of marriage," the priest says "to be between any two people. Why, that's riddiculous! Could I go to the altar with my great dane and put a ring on its paw? Of course not!"
Okay, there are how many things wrong with what he just said? Probably saying that people want to make marriage a union between two PEOPLE and then bringing up animals. Or, I don't know, maybe priests can't get married anyway. STUPID. I couldn't believe it. But furthermore, it was just really really akward. Like having the priest talk shit about you, and I know whose side my dad is taking.
Car ride home, my dad is talking about how much he loves this priest. How people are SO WEAK and how we need Catholic priests to show us the way. What? Yeah, not to bash my faith, but Catholic priests have been showing us for centuries how fallibly mortal they are. But my dad continues his rave, how great our priest is and how he doesn't waffle on the issues a lot of people get slack about. What? And I KNOW he hasn't used "waffle" as a verb until it was used to describe John Kerry (and seemed to be everyone's reason for not voting for him.)
So now my priest has like, embarassed me in front of my family, my dad has basically said "you know that priest was right about that dog analogy," AND he insulted the man I wanted to be president?
I was distraut! Dismayed! Dissed! What is a boy to do?
"SO how about that Hurricane Katrina?" I say. "I heard the Coast Guard was going to help if they weren't over in Iraq. But hey I mean, no one knew this was going to happen, certainly not those scientists who warned us all those years about Global Warming!"
Silence. We go through some stop signs.
"There was a guy in the front row who wore a hat the whole time," my dad said.
"I wasn't paying attention to the guy in the hat," I said. "I was listening to the priest. Was it a yellow hat? Did he have a yellow suit?"
"Did he have a monkey?" my mom adds in.
Curious George references always escape my dad.