(no subject)
I think one of the things I struggle with the most in my Christian life is guilt. And yesterday was my night. My daughter can't speak well she has some words nowadays but we sign using ASL most of the time. And she understands about 98 percent of what I say. It's that two percent that get the two of us into trouble and it's always when we're leaving the house that she flips her lid. I don't know if it's that she thinks she's getting left behind, or it's the feeling of chaos that accompanies putting on coats and shoes and hats or what but she starts crying and whining and can not stop herself until we're in the car. The language barrier comes into play when trying to tell her to calm down or that she's coming too or to please wait on me. She can't understand conceptual ideas because she doesn't have the words or signs for them. Anyway intellectually I know she doesn't understand but she cries like this everyday and I'm sorry but a lot of the time I just want to yell because if she would just stop for one minute she would realize that she's fine. And that's the kicker....the fact that I want to yell....I don't....but I want to and then spend the next 5 hours feeling so guilty I feel sick.
I know that it's okay to be annoyed at my daughter. She's three and can push Mommy's buttons so well and that's part of being three. All three year olds can do it but not being able to converse with her just adds another dimension. Obviously God thought I was equipped to raise a child who can't speak. So could another person do a better job raising my daughter and not get annoyed when she cries for no reason? Probably not or else God would have blessed someone else with her sweet little soul. So my goal for the day? Realize I'm not a perfect mother and this poor sinner can start over everyday and live in the moment.
I know that it's okay to be annoyed at my daughter. She's three and can push Mommy's buttons so well and that's part of being three. All three year olds can do it but not being able to converse with her just adds another dimension. Obviously God thought I was equipped to raise a child who can't speak. So could another person do a better job raising my daughter and not get annoyed when she cries for no reason? Probably not or else God would have blessed someone else with her sweet little soul. So my goal for the day? Realize I'm not a perfect mother and this poor sinner can start over everyday and live in the moment.