(no subject)
I really fail at updating here.
In case you only get news about me through this site, this is the news since my last post:
I got the surgery on the left. My surgery for the right (again, because of those surprise nodules) is on the 21st. I got some scans done. I now have two nodules on the right, and something on the left that could be a nodule. It could just be a weird bump in the scar tissue, it's pretty hard to tell on the scans until it either grows or stays the same. We've given up on chemo. The oral chemo I was on wasn't doing anything. There are still some options if I do end up with more nodules. I could get radiation on my lungs, which isn't very normal for osteosarcoma. They ruled it out at first because it wouldn't do anything against the bone tumor, and since I was getting intense chemo for that there was no point at the time to use radiation on my lungs. That would be the first choice if I get nodules. There's also radiofrequency ablation (RFA), which would basically be a probe inserted into my lungs that burns away the nodules. I would only have to be the in hospital for a day or two after that. There's a small chance of my lung collapsing, in which case I would have a chest tube (like I usually get with lung surgeries) and I would be in the hospital longer.
So, on a completely different topic, I posted this note on facebook, so I'm just going to copy and paste it over here, because I need to ask advice about something.
I've had people act pretty ridiculously toward me since the amputation. I've been glared at, stared at, laughed at, and made fun of, but I have to admit that you two blew the rest of them away. I went to Custom Tattoo for a consult on the tattoo I'm getting in May. As mom and I crossed the street you turned the corner and fell in behind us. It didn't take you long to realize that I had one leg, and you soon started laughing and talking about how you couldn't tell if I was male or female, despite the fact that I was with my mother and you were five feet behind me. I knew you were talking about me, but I really didn't give a shit because at this point I'm pretty used to it. However, following me into the tattoo parlor went beyond what most assholes are willing to do. At first I thought maybe it was a coincidence and you were going there anyway, but I was quickly proved wrong.
As I started talking to the artist you two stood on the other side and grabbed a book to flip through. I forgot about you pretty quickly, so your attempt to make me uncomfortable in any way failed to the extreme. After a couple minutes you finally put down the book and started for the door. The artist, not knowing the situation, said, "Can I help you?"
The awkward look on your faces as we all turned to look at you pretty much made my day. One of you mumbled something about how you were going somewhere else, and you hurried out.
Thank you. My day was already going pretty awesome because I was excited about my tattoo, but seeing two complete idiots who think making fun of an amputee is just about the best thing ever have it backfire on them was the icing on the cake. Thank you, I've been smiling for the rest of the day.
Gotta admit, though, I cannot even imagine what the thought process was behind following me into the shop. Was it just to make me uncomfortable? Because I didn't feel in any way uncomfortable through the whole situation, even when you were laughing at me on the sidewalk. Just about everyone stares at me, but the people who actually laugh at me tend to fall into a few categories, like teenagers, white trash, and people who think wearing baggy pants makes them intimidating and ghetto. I have to admit, I didn't expect it from two well-dressed black men in their twenties. You were wearing moderately expensive clothing, you weren't trying to act gangster, honestly, you're the kind of people I would expect to maybe stare but ultimately be polite. I'm sure this is just a lesson for me about how I shouldn't stereotype, turns out everyone has potential to be an asshole. Guess I had too high of hopes for you.
A lot of people commented, and among them was my uncle Fred, who said:
"While I am prone to agree with the disgust that everyone has for these guys' behavior, I am surprised at the ongoing vitriol and wishes for bad and violent things to happen to them instead of perhaps...pity?"
I've been working on a response to send him in a private message, but I want some advice on it. Should I send it, should I change anything, stuff like that.
Pity has the connotation of feeling compassion for someone. Maybe some people can feel pity and compassion for the people who abuse them. I've been treated like shit by many people throughout my life, and the fact that becoming an amputee has only made it worse inspires anger and frustration, not pity.
You haven't experienced the things I have, and we're not close and don't talk often so you don't know many of the things I've experienced. Let's put it this way: statistics say I will be dead within three years. I'm not going to feel pity for all the people who are ruining what little time I have left. I'm not going to turn the other cheek when all I want to do is enjoy life to the fullest and instead have to cope with stares and insults on top of pain and surgeries and the fear of death. I don't feel that I should feel pity for these people. The fact that they can find amputation funny just makes them pathetic in my eyes. Maybe it's not very kind or understanding of me, but when people go beyond staring and outright laugh at me all I can think about is how they would react if they got the news that they had osteosarcoma, if they were going to have their leg and half their pelvis amputated, if they were going to have eight surgeries in two years with more being planned out, if they were going to be told that they have a rare cancer that no one really knows how to treat. I should be dead already, Fred. The amputation should have killed me. I can't say this with complete certainty, but I am pretty sure that I've been in more pain then you've experienced in your entire life. I woke up from an amputation without enough morphine to even cover my daily doses. I went a year with a tumor the size of a football in my pelvis, and all I had to take was Ibuprofen. I've gone through a year of one of the most intense chemo regimens out there. No. I don't pity people who find that laughable.
In case you only get news about me through this site, this is the news since my last post:
I got the surgery on the left. My surgery for the right (again, because of those surprise nodules) is on the 21st. I got some scans done. I now have two nodules on the right, and something on the left that could be a nodule. It could just be a weird bump in the scar tissue, it's pretty hard to tell on the scans until it either grows or stays the same. We've given up on chemo. The oral chemo I was on wasn't doing anything. There are still some options if I do end up with more nodules. I could get radiation on my lungs, which isn't very normal for osteosarcoma. They ruled it out at first because it wouldn't do anything against the bone tumor, and since I was getting intense chemo for that there was no point at the time to use radiation on my lungs. That would be the first choice if I get nodules. There's also radiofrequency ablation (RFA), which would basically be a probe inserted into my lungs that burns away the nodules. I would only have to be the in hospital for a day or two after that. There's a small chance of my lung collapsing, in which case I would have a chest tube (like I usually get with lung surgeries) and I would be in the hospital longer.
So, on a completely different topic, I posted this note on facebook, so I'm just going to copy and paste it over here, because I need to ask advice about something.
I've had people act pretty ridiculously toward me since the amputation. I've been glared at, stared at, laughed at, and made fun of, but I have to admit that you two blew the rest of them away. I went to Custom Tattoo for a consult on the tattoo I'm getting in May. As mom and I crossed the street you turned the corner and fell in behind us. It didn't take you long to realize that I had one leg, and you soon started laughing and talking about how you couldn't tell if I was male or female, despite the fact that I was with my mother and you were five feet behind me. I knew you were talking about me, but I really didn't give a shit because at this point I'm pretty used to it. However, following me into the tattoo parlor went beyond what most assholes are willing to do. At first I thought maybe it was a coincidence and you were going there anyway, but I was quickly proved wrong.
As I started talking to the artist you two stood on the other side and grabbed a book to flip through. I forgot about you pretty quickly, so your attempt to make me uncomfortable in any way failed to the extreme. After a couple minutes you finally put down the book and started for the door. The artist, not knowing the situation, said, "Can I help you?"
The awkward look on your faces as we all turned to look at you pretty much made my day. One of you mumbled something about how you were going somewhere else, and you hurried out.
Thank you. My day was already going pretty awesome because I was excited about my tattoo, but seeing two complete idiots who think making fun of an amputee is just about the best thing ever have it backfire on them was the icing on the cake. Thank you, I've been smiling for the rest of the day.
Gotta admit, though, I cannot even imagine what the thought process was behind following me into the shop. Was it just to make me uncomfortable? Because I didn't feel in any way uncomfortable through the whole situation, even when you were laughing at me on the sidewalk. Just about everyone stares at me, but the people who actually laugh at me tend to fall into a few categories, like teenagers, white trash, and people who think wearing baggy pants makes them intimidating and ghetto. I have to admit, I didn't expect it from two well-dressed black men in their twenties. You were wearing moderately expensive clothing, you weren't trying to act gangster, honestly, you're the kind of people I would expect to maybe stare but ultimately be polite. I'm sure this is just a lesson for me about how I shouldn't stereotype, turns out everyone has potential to be an asshole. Guess I had too high of hopes for you.
A lot of people commented, and among them was my uncle Fred, who said:
"While I am prone to agree with the disgust that everyone has for these guys' behavior, I am surprised at the ongoing vitriol and wishes for bad and violent things to happen to them instead of perhaps...pity?"
I've been working on a response to send him in a private message, but I want some advice on it. Should I send it, should I change anything, stuff like that.
Pity has the connotation of feeling compassion for someone. Maybe some people can feel pity and compassion for the people who abuse them. I've been treated like shit by many people throughout my life, and the fact that becoming an amputee has only made it worse inspires anger and frustration, not pity.
You haven't experienced the things I have, and we're not close and don't talk often so you don't know many of the things I've experienced. Let's put it this way: statistics say I will be dead within three years. I'm not going to feel pity for all the people who are ruining what little time I have left. I'm not going to turn the other cheek when all I want to do is enjoy life to the fullest and instead have to cope with stares and insults on top of pain and surgeries and the fear of death. I don't feel that I should feel pity for these people. The fact that they can find amputation funny just makes them pathetic in my eyes. Maybe it's not very kind or understanding of me, but when people go beyond staring and outright laugh at me all I can think about is how they would react if they got the news that they had osteosarcoma, if they were going to have their leg and half their pelvis amputated, if they were going to have eight surgeries in two years with more being planned out, if they were going to be told that they have a rare cancer that no one really knows how to treat. I should be dead already, Fred. The amputation should have killed me. I can't say this with complete certainty, but I am pretty sure that I've been in more pain then you've experienced in your entire life. I woke up from an amputation without enough morphine to even cover my daily doses. I went a year with a tumor the size of a football in my pelvis, and all I had to take was Ibuprofen. I've gone through a year of one of the most intense chemo regimens out there. No. I don't pity people who find that laughable.