(no subject)
Er. Sorry to anyone who only hears about me through my LJ. I just never think about LJ these days. I don't really know why.
As an update on my last post where I had just found out that I had cancer in my lungs again and was just starting to make plans about it, I've actually started working on the new plans. I'm taking chemo (as a pill, so I'm not spending a week in the hospital with each chemo this time), I got the bladder surgery, and I got the lung surgery on my right lung. The surgery for my left lung is on January 10th.
The bad part about all of that (other then the fact that it involves surgeries and cancer) is that I only had a week off in between the bladder and lung surgeries. Which sucked. I was completely worn out and was just so fucking tired and was seriously considering just saying 'fuck it' to the second lung surgery because surgery is fucking exhausting, guys, and I am running on fumes after dealing with the first fucking round of cancer. Thinking of which. It's been two years. I've had cancer for two years. Can I just go ahead and stop having cancer now? Because that would be swell. Cancer is exhausting. Surgery is exhausting. Being an amputee is exhausting. It's just been one thing after another for the LAST TWO YEARS. That is long enough, body. You aren't allowed to act up at all anymore for the rest of my goddamn life. You are grounded.
Actually, it's been longer then two years. I was diagnosed in May 2009 (which means not quite two yet) but I was in pain for my entire freshman year of college, which pushes it to about three years. But even then, it was probably around for a while before I even started feeling twinges, and I first started feeling twinges the summer before college. Mandy searched the internet and told me that it can grow very fast but it doesn't say how fast. But it's possible that I had cancer during my senior year of high school. Which means I might be looking at four years. Which creeps me out a little. I don't like to think about how it was just sort of hiding out in my body for who knows how long before it decided to destroy my pelvis by eating through the bone.
That aside. One year of being in tons of pain and treating a football sized tumor in my pelvis with Ibuprofen (which, for anyone who wants to try it, is not very effective). Two years of fighting cancer. In the last two years I have gotten seven surgeries. About a year of intense chemo and all the fun things that go along with that (although I was lucky and didn't throw up too often). One ride in an ambulance. I don't even know how much blood I've gotten, even ignoring what I would have gotten during surgery. And then all the days of going in for checkups or full days at the hospital for every scan imaginable. One month of physical therapy. And a sudden aversion to Chinese food containing pork because I was stupid and ate it right before chemo.
I think it's safe to say that the last two years have been the worst years of my life. Which is funny, because I thought that middle school and high school would be the worst and it could only go uphill from there, but noooo.
If there's a deity out there, I would really really appreciate it if this didn't last another year. I would REALLY appreciate it if I could just get the last lung surgery and never have cancer again and maybe have things go right for a change. That would be the bee's knees. Thanks.
As an update on my last post where I had just found out that I had cancer in my lungs again and was just starting to make plans about it, I've actually started working on the new plans. I'm taking chemo (as a pill, so I'm not spending a week in the hospital with each chemo this time), I got the bladder surgery, and I got the lung surgery on my right lung. The surgery for my left lung is on January 10th.
The bad part about all of that (other then the fact that it involves surgeries and cancer) is that I only had a week off in between the bladder and lung surgeries. Which sucked. I was completely worn out and was just so fucking tired and was seriously considering just saying 'fuck it' to the second lung surgery because surgery is fucking exhausting, guys, and I am running on fumes after dealing with the first fucking round of cancer. Thinking of which. It's been two years. I've had cancer for two years. Can I just go ahead and stop having cancer now? Because that would be swell. Cancer is exhausting. Surgery is exhausting. Being an amputee is exhausting. It's just been one thing after another for the LAST TWO YEARS. That is long enough, body. You aren't allowed to act up at all anymore for the rest of my goddamn life. You are grounded.
Actually, it's been longer then two years. I was diagnosed in May 2009 (which means not quite two yet) but I was in pain for my entire freshman year of college, which pushes it to about three years. But even then, it was probably around for a while before I even started feeling twinges, and I first started feeling twinges the summer before college. Mandy searched the internet and told me that it can grow very fast but it doesn't say how fast. But it's possible that I had cancer during my senior year of high school. Which means I might be looking at four years. Which creeps me out a little. I don't like to think about how it was just sort of hiding out in my body for who knows how long before it decided to destroy my pelvis by eating through the bone.
That aside. One year of being in tons of pain and treating a football sized tumor in my pelvis with Ibuprofen (which, for anyone who wants to try it, is not very effective). Two years of fighting cancer. In the last two years I have gotten seven surgeries. About a year of intense chemo and all the fun things that go along with that (although I was lucky and didn't throw up too often). One ride in an ambulance. I don't even know how much blood I've gotten, even ignoring what I would have gotten during surgery. And then all the days of going in for checkups or full days at the hospital for every scan imaginable. One month of physical therapy. And a sudden aversion to Chinese food containing pork because I was stupid and ate it right before chemo.
I think it's safe to say that the last two years have been the worst years of my life. Which is funny, because I thought that middle school and high school would be the worst and it could only go uphill from there, but noooo.
If there's a deity out there, I would really really appreciate it if this didn't last another year. I would REALLY appreciate it if I could just get the last lung surgery and never have cancer again and maybe have things go right for a change. That would be the bee's knees. Thanks.