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Bush Warns America: “We are Addicted to Oprah.”
Bush battles his own Oprah addiction.
by Dylan Jameson
WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) - Flushed with the success of his State of the Union address, which featured his first memorable catch phrase in five years of governing, President George W. Bush is sticking with the metaphor that works for him.
After connecting with the public with his “We are addicted to oil” comment, Bush is stumping for his agenda around the nation, warning Americans that we, as a nation, are addicted to many items - foremost among them, Oprah Winfrey.
In an appearance at a guitar pick factory in Nashville, Tenn., Bush made the pronouncement that “We are addicted to Oprah,” commenting on the power of the popular daytime television host who he said holds a “Rasputin-like spell over Americans, especially our women.”
“She tells us what to read, and then she tells us what not to read when it turns out to be a book of lies,” Bush said, referring to Oprah’s recent run-in with James Frey, author of the fake memoir A Million Little Pieces. “This is a small example of how Oprah’s power can be twisted and manipulated by evil-doers. God help us if the Iranians ever got their hands on Oprah.”
Bush announced that the National Security Administration would be granted unlimited authority to conduct surveillance and use “any means necessary” to protect Americans from the possibility of a plot involving “an evil Oprah.”
In subsequent appearances as he criss-crossed the country seeking support for his agenda, Bush warned that America is addicted to oatmeal, weathervanes, wind chimes, scented candles, velour, Post-It notes, and refrigerator magnets. He then called for additional executive powers to combat these national addictions, prompting cheers from pre-screened supporters.
Bush battles his own Oprah addiction.
by Dylan Jameson
WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) - Flushed with the success of his State of the Union address, which featured his first memorable catch phrase in five years of governing, President George W. Bush is sticking with the metaphor that works for him.
After connecting with the public with his “We are addicted to oil” comment, Bush is stumping for his agenda around the nation, warning Americans that we, as a nation, are addicted to many items - foremost among them, Oprah Winfrey.
In an appearance at a guitar pick factory in Nashville, Tenn., Bush made the pronouncement that “We are addicted to Oprah,” commenting on the power of the popular daytime television host who he said holds a “Rasputin-like spell over Americans, especially our women.”
“She tells us what to read, and then she tells us what not to read when it turns out to be a book of lies,” Bush said, referring to Oprah’s recent run-in with James Frey, author of the fake memoir A Million Little Pieces. “This is a small example of how Oprah’s power can be twisted and manipulated by evil-doers. God help us if the Iranians ever got their hands on Oprah.”
Bush announced that the National Security Administration would be granted unlimited authority to conduct surveillance and use “any means necessary” to protect Americans from the possibility of a plot involving “an evil Oprah.”
In subsequent appearances as he criss-crossed the country seeking support for his agenda, Bush warned that America is addicted to oatmeal, weathervanes, wind chimes, scented candles, velour, Post-It notes, and refrigerator magnets. He then called for additional executive powers to combat these national addictions, prompting cheers from pre-screened supporters.