Eye lyke dee tek no beetz.
Did anyone picture beets dancing to techno? I did. Anywho...
Hello world of myspace. It is rare to have a moment in which I am free enough to write a blog. Miraculously, here I am, blogging away. Nora is laying right next to me in her play pen. She is adorable. She just reached the stage where she laughs at nothing and kicks her legs as if she's riding a bicycle. She had her 2 month shots the other day and I couldn't stay in the room. I really didn't want to hear her scream. She didn't do too bad so I think I'll be able to handle it next time. She weighs 11 lbs 2 oz and she's 22.5 ins long.She's doing great.
I must admit, I was not a fan of all children before I found out I was pregnant. And even after I knew I was pregnant, I wasn't quite sure if I had what it takes to be a good mother. I still don't know if I'm a good mother. I do know, however, that I can't love anything more than I love my daughter. I will do anything just to see her smile. Including poofing air in her face 23,423 times, making funny faces, talking in a baby voice, and making random sounds with my mouth. None of it embarrasses me. I just want to see her smile and hear her tiny little goofy laugh. It's seriously the best ever. "Uh huuuuhhh *squeak* huuuuhhhh *squeak*"
I know now that I can't base my maternal skills on the fact that other people's children sometimes annoy me. I'm just an easily annoyed person. That's a given. I'm just going to have to learn patience. I know it will be much easier with her because I've gotten the chance to fall in love with her. Unlike the little 3 year old girl you see that smacks her mom and screams in the middle of Target. Yeah, not many people can fall in love with a child like that. But I'm sure her mother loves her.
I'm going back to work this Saturday. I'm excited to get back to all my patients and see all the people I work with. I'm nervous because there are a ton of new patients and I almost feel like I'm starting a new job. I'm sure it can't be as bad as I imagine. It makes me sad that I have to leave my baby for 9 hours a day. I know I'm going to miss her more than I realize. A good thing - I'm going to be working 3 days a week so I won't be away from her too much. I'm oh so thankful to have family that will watch her for me.
I'm not taking any classes this semester. I say that at every break but I really can't take classes this time. I'm going out of town in May and I would miss the week of finals. That would not be good. I'm taking a break. In this time I can hopefully get an advisor, take my testing for the nursing program, and get my financial aid in line. Yes, even after I have a child and barely any income Ivy Tech still will not give me financial aid. Don't even get me started. It's a long story and I dislike my school more than anything ever. I have to go through an appeal process and all this crazy crap. Ugh. I repeat, I dislike my school OH SO MUCH. I know I could go to USI but I'd have to be in school for 293,723 years because they don't offer an associates degree, only the bachelor's. Therefore, I am stuck at Ivy Tech. Sad.
I don't really have a New Year's resolution for 2009. I just know that I want to get into a nursing program (preferably the RN but I'll take the LPN happily), and I want to save money to go to the eye doctor. I need a contact exam so I can get new contacts. I love my glasses but I miss having contacts SO MUCH. Also, like last year, I want to be constantly reading a book. I want to try reading new things, as well. (No, not Harry. I'm not ready for wizards and owls yet, Brittany.) I never thought I would like Twilight but I did. I kind of hate that I love it just because it's so popular lol. I don't like being part of the pack. :)
Men are pricks. Well, the men I have dated. I was trying to think of just one guy that didn't hurt me while we dated and I can't think of any. I've been cheated on. Multiple boyfriends have hit on my friends (in front of me). One got another girl pregnant while he was still married to me. We were separated but it still hurts. It was only 2 months after he moved out. I've been burned (literally). Stalked. Made to feel guilty just for spending time with people I love. It's all a big mess. Yes, I sometimes have the desire to be with someone. I mostly miss the companionship. I miss being so close to someone. But I'm also so tired of all men's bullshit. Being lonely sounds better than putting up with any more jackasses. I bet I sound bitter. THAT'S BECAUSE I AM. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." That's right, assholes. I shouldn't have to put up with that crap. I'm worth WAY more than that. I deserve someone that doesn't need taken care of like a baby. Someone that is respectful, that cares for me, and most important, is not psychotic. Someone that is stable in life and can maintain a job and their sanity. Until I meet that someone, oh well. I've seen a lot of single mothers succeed without a man and I can damn well do it too.
My main concern in life is my daughter. This is where I base all of my goals. Any ambition I have is now because I'm striving to make a better life for her. I can't fix the crazy things that have happened in the last 6 years. However, I'm trying to make the next 6 much more awesome. Even if I don't graduate until that 6th year, at least I did it. I'll only be 30 by then lol. I know 30 year olds that have done much less.
Please pray for my car. It's doing it's crazy sputtering thing. It was superb in the summer. Now it's like "Eff you! I hate the cold!" It takes my car about 7 years to heat up. I feel so bad for Nora lol. I'm sure she's fine though. She has 2 blankets and her giant bear coat. It's all good. Except I hope my car never dies. Seriously. I'm probably going to have a meltdown when that happens. I need my car for just 2 more years. That's all I need. Then it can shit out on me asap. AY SAP. Oh how I love Grandma's Boy. I hate yer face. *creepy robot voice* My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina. Oh good times.
Incubus is putting a greatest hits album out. I know. You're excited. So am I.
I'm trying to think of other news but there's nothing too exciting going on in my life. I got a new coat for Christmas. I've worn it once lol. It's so fancy that I feel like a tard wearing it with plain clothes. It's like wearing 7 huge strings of pearls with your gym socks or something. LOOOOOL. What if you wore ONLY that. Oh, I would laugh. I'm thinking of making an honest woman out of myself and starting a brand new last.fm. I'm sure only about 3 of my friends know what last.fm is. I just realized the other day that I have to scroll through 283,423 Incubus songs before I find anything else. Plus, the first song other than Incubus is "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" and that is far from accurate. It's going to take a lot of strength to delete all my hard work. Yes fake, but still time consuming work.
Random Note: Robert Pattinson sounds like a 50 year old man when he sings. Just sayin'.
I might be joining the gym that is near my house. I'm very excited about this. It would be awesome to be less fat. Nora squeaks like a squeaky toy. I better get some sleep. I have a whole lot of nothing to do tomorrow. If you made it through this I will give you a free sample of toothpaste.
Love.