Library Buddy
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Bella/Edward; canon couples
Comments: This is technically a one-shot (though I'm not so sure anymore), but since LJ said the post was too long, I have to split this up. I must say, I'm feeling as if this story has been really been my baby for the last week, so I don't feel right splitting it up like this... I guess it's 'cause I really don't like how this part came out.... And yep, still don't care if "stalkerdom" isn't a word.
Library Buddy
By Ahhelga
(Working Title)
[ Read previously in part one]
Part two of the one-shot
The meeting with Rosalie, Emmett's new girlfriend, was interesting to say the least. The whole time I knew I was being harsh on her, because Alice kept sending me these harsh glares and Emmett was starting to apologize for everything I was doing, but I really was judging her if she was capable of being Emmett's first real girlfriend. I wanted his first to be worthy. I didn't have to be the older brother to be protective of him. Although, in the end, it was worth it as I found Rosalie not that bad, and I warmed up to Rosalie. She was haughty, difficult, and well aware of her beauty, but that just made her all the more perfect for Emmett.
I could say that that night was a success for all of us, especially for Emmett when Alice took a ride home with me, and Emmett said he'd stay over for some intimate time. I didn't want to dwell on that, though I knew this was important to him. Usually it was intimacy first, then the introduction. He may have not had a real girlfriend before, but he dated and he had had his wide array of one-nighters. Why did I know this? Well, he always shared with me the day after. But I had a feeling he wouldn't be recounting his night's events with Rosalie to me. This was the first lady he was going to really be intimate with.
Something in my stomach turned again. It was that feeling, that feeling whenever I thought about Bella. It would also come up whenever I thought of the prospect of a love life (with her, my mind would always add). Emmett's newfound love had really brought this out of me, and it was apparent already in only a single night. By morning, I was lovesick.
Love. That was a funny word, and I decided now was as good as any time to dwell on what it meant to me. Considering that I haven't been much of a "lovey" person, I'm not exactly one who would jump into a deep relationship... or any relationship for that matter. I had been pursued, sure, but to tell the truth, no one would interest me.
My siblings even went so far as to color me gay, but that was quickly shot down with the obvious hormones I would get as a teenager. Also, I had gotten in a small relationship around that time, but not because I wanted to dispel the notion that I was gay, but because it was convenient to be in a relationship with her. Of course, my relationship with Tanya had been short lived, and after just a month, we were split. On her side, it was because I was not the man she thought I was, and on my side, it was because I simply did not like her. I figured that if I were to be in any romantic relationship, I'd have to have my heart fully in it, much less a simple liking.
So really, I had never been in love, and I never had any strong feelings. This fascination with Bella had really been the strongest feelings I had ever felt. Ever. And the idea slightly scared me. I hardly met the girl yet I was so infatuated already. And though it was very scary, I couldn't help but smile at the memory of her blush, or the pout of her lips, or her deep brown eyes... Or that scent. God, her scent was so enticing, so alluring. I found myself breathing heavily because of it. I never thought I could be attracted to a smell!
Thinking about it drove me insane. I thought of Bella in the library, if she were there again, looking over all the classics, deciding what she would read this time with that scent wrapping all around her. All around us. If I were there, I would lean in ever so slightly just to take a whiff, and Bella would look back at me with a small smile, hinting that she knew what I was doing. Still being shy as ever though, she would probably blush and turn away from me. I know I wouldn't be able to help myself, and I'd reach out and stroke her arm from the side, letting her know that she had no reason to be shy.
With that, she'd turn to me, ignoring all the books lined up behind her, and mirror my actions. Our arms would be stroke each other's free arms. I would take her by surprise, though, by cupping her face then, and she would would warm my palm with her blush. It would ignite a fire in my own body, and there would be no way to cool us down at this point. I'd then stroke her lips with the fingertips of the hand not cupping her face. Her eyes would slowly close and she'd gently press her lips to my fingers. Feeling empowered, I'd surprise her by bringing my lips to hers.
Our kiss would be magical and perfect; it would have a hint of passion but our lips would be gentle as they moved together. Together our bodies would become one, since we'd be pushing at each other, not getting enough. In that instant, our kiss would deepen, letting our tongues and hands push through the barriers. Her hands would tug, stroke, and brush through my hair, and my own hands would be everywhere, from her arms, to her back, to the hips, and back upwards to her breasts.
We'd moan into each others' mouths, unable to take the heated passion between us in that moment. I would feel myself growing harder by every second, especially when she would groan whenever I would graze her nipple. The wonderful scent would drive me crazier, and I'd involuntarily grind against her. She'd be so heated even through the fabric of her pants that my hardness would be begging to be closer to her heat. And knowing what I'd want, she'd have this glint in her eyes as she'd grind with my hips.
With every push of her pelvis, my cock would harden, and soon enough, I'd be stiff as stone. Bella would still be shy as ever as she would glance down, but there'd be this whole new side of her as she would lower her body, raking her fingers as she went down. And right there, in the middle of the library, I'd be able to carry out one of my biggest fantasies, with her stroking her tongue all along--
Oh God. I had to get out of this daydream. If I hadn't hit rock bottom of stalkerdom yet, I was getting there fast. Though I had enjoyed my thoughts, that was much too weird. I've had had fantasies in the past, but nothing so lively, or with anyone I knew, and the thought was odd to me. Of course, this whole situation was odd to me. Here I was, sweating over a fantasy of a girl I had barely met who had held my heart more than anyone I had ever encountered in my life! Either Emmett had really affected me, or I was going insane. Maybe both.
Oh, how could I ever face Bella now? These thoughts would pop up every time I would see her, and I definitely wouldn't want to defile her in such away. She was... angelic. With beautifully pouty lips that I wanted to devour. Stop it, Edward, keep control.
I would feel so guilty every time I looked her in the eye that I would have to look away constantly. And as much as I hated the fact that I would never get to see her beautiful eyes, it was much better this way if it meant avoiding guilt. She may be able to read my every naughty thought with just a glance. What would she think if she found out? She'd probably be horrified, disgusted even. I would understand that. But I really didn't know her; what if she liked that sort of thing? I pondered on that.
But thinking of that was worse than anything else, because it only brought out the stalker in me some more. I needed a distraction. A distraction that wasn't Bella. I knew for sure that I couldn't go to the library today after what I was just thinking of, so I'd have to make plans elsewhere.
Figuring Emmett was still having intimate time with Rose (and at the thought I found myself green with envy for having a chance of intimacy with who he loved), I decided to call Alice. Calling her speed dial, I waited for her to pick up.
The first thing I heard was Alice laughing, and, still giggly, she answered, "Hello?"
"Alice," I replied.
"What do you want?" she asked condescendingly, but jokingly, as her giggles died off. I could see the smirk in her tone.
"I just wanted to do something today, so I was wondering if you had plans," I said. "I just really need to do something different today 'cause I feel like I'm in a rut." I don't know why I added that part. I knew that I had to be on my toes, because Alice was sensing that I was keeping something from her last night, and that something was Bella. As much as I would liked to have shared with the world the wonderful news that was Bella, I didn't want Alice to force me into rushing anything.
"Sorry, Eddie," she giggled. I growled at her for using my most hated nickname. "But I'm busy shopping with some friends."
I groaned. "Great. What am I gonna do now?" I half-joked.
"Hey, I'm not the one with a lack of social life," Alice retorted. "Call Emmett. Rose is here with me, so I doubt he's doing anything. Though, he's probably tired from all the action last night."
I heard multiple forms of laughter in the background, and a far away "I sure know I am!" I recognized that as Rose, and I smiled slightly, happy for both her and Emmett. More and more into the previous night, I realized that Alice was right, they were perfect together. Emmett adored Rose in every way, that much was apparent, and Rose would look at him in a way that was so... loving. It shocked me how close they were after only a couple of days. But the idea of the very physical relationship they had brought my thoughts again to Bella, and of course the little fantasy I had just moments earlier. Calling Alice hadn't helped at all.
"Well, I guess if Emmett's available we'll go to the gym or something," I said to Alice.
"Mmhmm," she said, as if distracted. "Listen, Eddie, I'm a little busy right now. Shopping, chatting, scoping out the guys. You know. I'll talk to you later."
"Right," I had replied, feeling both surprised and unsurprised that she would cut our conversation over her friends. For the longest time, Alice and I had been best friends, but it seemed that she had been getting into having a social life lately. I even heard her mention having another best friend, whose name escaped me. All throughout our lives, she had always put me before friends, and this felt different. I supposed that was okay, because I was tired of going shopping with her all the time anyway.
"Oh, and I expect you'll talk about whatever problem you're having later," she said suddenly.
It still amazed me how she picked up on these things. "Sure, Alice. Bye."
"Bye!" she called out, but before she hung up, I heard a sweet voice in the background say "Who's Eddie?" and Alice replied "Just my broth--" before the call was ended. So she had Rose and some other girl there, who I assumed was her "other best friend". Alice may have been social, but she didn't hold onto many friends, and shopping with them signified a bond for Alice... I could say I was surprised to find that Alice had formed a bond with two different people in these past few days, but it would be up to Alice to make multiple friends in a short time.
I was a little disappointed that Alice had other plans, since I was really counting on her, but I really hadn't seen Emmett for weeks before last night. Though he and I lived in the same city, we were on different ends of the spectrum. He worked nights yet had significantly fewer classes than I did, I had classes virtually everyday, but it didn't stop us from calling each other. Plus, I really needed to work out, and Emmett was the perfect partner for that (well, when he was not trying to upstage me).
I called him a few short moments after. Though he was still groggy and tired, he'd agreed, figuring a work out would help his state. Leave it to Emmett to go to the gym to get less tired. But, I wasn't gonna complain, because I really needed this distraction. And what better way than to sweat it out? I hated the fact that that had a double meaning, because it hit too close to home with what I was avoiding.
Emmett had picked me up, since I didn't mind jogging back home if the situation called for it. He had this insane decked out jeep, and if it weren't for the unnecessary harness, I would have worried for my safety. He drove faster than I ever did, and he did so without a care, whereas I always watched out while I sped. So to say that we arrived at the gym less than five minutes later wasn't much to say at all. We did not even speak to each other until we got out of the locker room, which normally would have been fine with me, but Emmett wasn't exactly the type to get lost in his thoughts.
"So, Emmett," I said, forcing the silence to be broken, "how was last night?"
He had quietly grunted and his eyes had darted in my direction as we made a beeline towards the weights. I would normally start off my gym time on the treadmill, but for the sake of talking to Emmett, I joined him in lifting weights. He immediately went to pick up some of the heavier weights off of the fourth rack, while I grabbed a couple from the third. He was still quiet, and it was making me uncomfortable. Usually Emmett shared what was going through his mind, with hardly any filter I figured, so him mulling over his thoughts really brought me nervousness.
"You're... not going to talk about it?" I asked him between lifts. Again, I got his grunt, only a little louder this time. Now I was thoroughly curious; it seemed more that Emmett was defensive as opposed to angry or sad or disappointed.
We then continued on in silence. After a good chunk of time spent at the free weights, we moved onto the bench, then some machines, and then to do sit ups and push ups, and finally to my favorite, the treadmill. Emmett may have not been the same kind of avid runner I was, but he could keep up fine. Though, I did catch him struggling more often than not. So it kind of shocked me when he had decided to converse while we were on the treadmill, where he was most worn. Of course, having thought it over, I found that it was quite genius really. He would be able to keep quiet when he didn't want to talk about something, because he could play it off to tiredness, and he would talk to me at my most understanding. Or maybe I was looking too closely into things.
"Dude," he started off strong, but started to wane with every stride, "I can't... even describe you how... amazing these last few days have been..." I nodded in response, not wanting to waste any breath and so that he wouldn't lose his streak. "Edward, Rose is... wonderful -- well, you saw how hot she was! It was... such a eye-opener when I first saw her on the... plane. I must have been dripping... lust!" He laughed, but it came out restrained from the running.
I believed him when he said that about his initial reaction to Rosalie. Emmett had always been the type to think purely on attraction to something: attraction to strength led him to exercise compulsively, attraction to cars led him to work hard for the money for them, attraction to women led him to, well, a very fast-forward lifestyle. As soon as that attraction ignited, he had to follow through with it. In that way, he was very much like Alice, and I had to wonder if they were really blood related. Or maybe growing up together had done that to them. Did that mean I was like that too? I doubted I was as driven in that way as they were.
Emmett took in a gust of air, which brought me out of my thoughts. "Oh God, Edward, I figured it was just going to be some... mile-high thing. But she would not... take my advances at all! ...Who on earth can't resist the ol' Emmett charm!"
I laughed loudly now, and not nearly as tired as Emmett was, I replied easily, "Someone who can certainly remember to keep you in your place."
He laughed back, and lowered his treadmill's speed. Even that little bit gave me confidence. Emmett was always so daunting and competitive, that even with the fact that he was really like a teddy bear he still made me uneasy. He turned to me slightly. "And Rose can definitely do that. On that airplane... she was kinda bossy but totally... levelheaded... and, fuck, it was just so hot! Edward, she's so hot, and good to me, and perfect, I kinda don't know... what to do..."
I realized then that he was slowing down now, almost to a stop. I followed suit, not wanting to be off pace from him. Something was tugging at me, like I knew this was really important, and his lack of eye contact and wiping sweat just confirmed my suspicions.
He then looked me dead in the eye and continued seriously, "Edward, I... think I love her. And it's scaring me, 'cause it's only been a couple of days, but when I held her this morning, I knew. I just knew that I wanted to be with her the rest of my life. I've never had such strong feelings, and I'm not sure where to go with this. I mean, she's my first real girlfriend! That's pathetic, I'd say. But I feel like she's this angel who saved me when I was struggling. It's like this, my past has been... empty, and now with Rose, I can't imagine a life without her. The initial lust for her was almost like something more, and the more I got to know her, it was pulling me more to her. I love her, Edward, I just don't want to do anything crazy..."
Wow. "Emmett, I don't think you're capable of not being crazy," I said, slightly smiling at him. He chuckled back. "And yeah, if these feelings are so strong, then I tell you to embrace it. I mean, do you like the feeling?" He nodded. "Then, I say you keep going with it. Of course, I don't think it's a good idea to tell Rosalie anything like that just yet. Lay it on her slow, she might not be able to take that kind of commitment just yet, after three days. Though, I doubt that, 'cause you should've seen the way she looked at you last night. I'm pretty sure she feels exactly the same way you do, and I consider myself pretty good at reading emotions. I may not be able to relate, but I do know how I feel with Bel..." I blinked, almost slipping up on Bella, "...with what I've seen... Anyway, I say you treat Rose with the way you want who you love to be treated. That is all you need to do for now."
He noticed the pause I took, and eyed me carefully. But I was grateful that he simply just pulled me into a man-hug and thanked me, gratitude dripping with every word. "Edward, you're a great guy. The girl that catches your eye is sure to be lucky." He gave me a pointed look, and I was sure if he was talking straight to the word now, not just hopefully.
I stared at him right back, knowing the question in his eyes. I really didn't want to share about Bella, even though it just seemed selfish to do so, but the reason I was here at the gym in the first place was not to think about Bella. Though, it did help that I was in the gym; I was more careful with my thoughts around other people. Figuring that I'll have to tell someone eventually anyway, I sighed, giving in. Hopefully, this wouldn't reach Alice just yet. "Fine, Emmett, I have something to tell you too."
We started our way to the locker room as I mulled my thoughts over. I mean, Bella wasn't anything to me... at least, nothing that made our relationship a mutual symbiosis. How would I describe it to Emmett? How could I tell him this unnatural pull I felt with Bella? I briefly remembered what Emmett said about him building this clutch the more he got to know Rose... and I knew that he was the perfect one to talk about what was going on with me.
"It's not much, but I've been going to the library while you guys were away..." I trailed off, not exactly sure how I should have continued.
"And?" His voice was full of curiosity, in a way that reminded me of a child finding out where the Batcave really was hidden.
"And, well, there was as I expected no one really there," I glanced over to him, and he had the most disappointed expression on his face. I couldn't help but grin; he really did remind me of a child. "But I did find this woman sleeping there. She was the only other person there. Anyway, I kept seeing her afterwards. Nothing much."
Emmett broke out into a grin as we neared the locker room, and he looked at me with a sly look. "Is she pretty?"
Pretty? Oh God, pretty doesn't cover it... She's beautiful, ravishing, adorable, gorgeous, breathtaking. And not to mention very... fragrant. I couldn't tell him any of this though, but I wanted to convey what she did look like, so I settled on, "Very."
"Well? Did you talk to her? At least introduce yourself? God, Edward, knowing you, you probably haven't even made eye contact with her! This is probably the first girl you've set your sights on--"
"Emmett!" I knew my tone came out more desperate than I had intended, but I just didn't want him to go on like that. "Yes, I did introduce myself. Yesterday, actually. Her name's Bella."
"Well, well, well, Eddie boy," he said. I winced at the nickname I heard way too many times this morning; he didn't notice. Emmett then wrapped his giant arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, which wasn't exactly all that pleasant. His sweat, my sweat, not a good combo. But he didn't care, as usual. "This girl must've gotten your attention! You're so defensive, and you have this guilty look all over your face. So? How was it? How's this girl? Am I gonna meet her soon?"
I laughed, noticing that similarity to Alice once more. I hardly mentioned Bella and he already wanted to see if she was good enough for their standards. But, I couldn't help but imagine Bella meeting them. I smiled at the thought, thinking of Bella to be close enough to me to have to meet my family. I wondered briefly if she would like my room. I shook the thought away, knowing this was way too fast and way too stalker-like of me. I wasn't going to kidnap her and bring her home after all. Though you'd really like to see her in your room, huh, Edward? Stop! Stop!
Emmett had this amused look in his eyes as he looked at me. He must have noticed my inner monologue, which I should have been embarrassed about, but couldn't find myself to be. He was still waiting for a reply. I sighed.
"She's... great, Emmett," I said, thinking again of that scent that enveloped her. "I don't think I've ever been this physically attracted to anyone, really. And to think she is as much of a reader as I am really is such a plus. Except..." Something that bothered me entered my mind.
"Except?" he pushed.
"Well, when she left yesterday, she was distant." I remembered the way her eyes lingered with that sad look. "Almost melancholy. Different from when I first talked to her, as if I wasn't exactly who she thought I was."
"What did you do then?" he asked. "Were you doing anything that might've pushed her away?"
I thought about it. "No, I don't think so. I mean, I was ending a phone call with Alice when she last saw me."
Emmett let out a roar of laughter, and I couldn't see any reason as to why. He slammed his gigantic palm on my back, which had me staggering. "Well I see! Eddie! You and Alice are so close, when I hear the two of you speak, I'd think you were together!" He shuddered slightly.
I gaped at him, shuddering slightly on my part as well. "What? What makes you think that?!"
"Well, the two of you tell each other your little 'I love you's after every call, and the fact that you're so familiar with each other could be interpreted as otherwise. Maybe your little Bella thought you guys were dating, since I'm sure you ended with your 'love you' to Alice. Bella's probably jealous of your 'girlfriend'."
"That's gross, Emmett," I shot back at him, "Besides, that's probably not the case. She hardly knows me, and I hardly know her, so she couldn't possibly feel that way if I had a girlfriend." No, she wouldn't like me anyway. I may have gotten many admirers, but that was only skin deep. Bella seemed like the type to go beyond looks... and I really liked that fact.
Thankfully, the subject of Bella and my love life was somewhat dropped as soon as we got into the locker room to shower and change. Fortunately Emmett was there, or I'd be sorely tempted to do something regrettable in a public stall after talking and thinking of Bella so much. Ugh, I was seriously like a teenage boy when it came to Bella.
When we got out and he was on his way to drop me off, at a much slower speed this time, we chatted. Not having seen my brother in weeks really took a lot out of conversations. We made up for lost time in those few minutes more than we had in the whole few hours at the gym. We finally rolled into the garage of my apartment building.
"Edward, later on, wanna do someth--hold up," he said, pulling out the cell phone that was vibrating in his pocket. "'Lo? Hey, Al. What was that? Yeah, Edward's here. No. No. Oh, really? Well then, little sis... Oh. He better be--oh. Fine. Sure, sure. I'll tell him. 'Kay, see you tonight." He turned to me when he hung up. "Alice says for you to come over for dinner at her place tonight at six. She says to wear the shirt she bought you on Friday."
I nodded. "Sure, what's the occasion?"
"She says it's a mini-party... Plus she wants to introduce us to someone. Our little sister's found herself a guy," his white teeth were flashing now in a wicked grin. I'm sure I mirrored his expression. Alice had had herself a few boyfriends in the past, even having a serious one, so it wasn't nearly as big a deal as it was for Emmett to have Rosalie or my crush on Bella, but it was still monumental. Alice was our little sister, so we had rights to evaluate who caught her eye. Of course, we never really had any real opportunity to be overbearing, because usually she dumped a guy sooner than we can fully judge. She was a better judge than us anyway, since it seemed that she knew right away if there was a match... or lack of one. Ergo, this new guy didn't have us worried too much. They probably wouldn't last long anyway.
Emmett left after agreeing that I'd pick him up and I went up to change into the plain blue Oxford shirt she got me last week. In the same fashion as all the clothes Alice had gotten me in the past, this shirt fit perfectly. I pulled out a pair of fitted black jeans, not wanting to look too serious for this guy of Alice's. I had to make a relaxed first impression after all. Emmett and I took it upon ourselves to play "good cop, bad cop". I of course took the role of "good cop". Emmett was just a natural at "bad cop" that I couldn't take that away from him, even though I thought it'd be fun to probe into someone else's mind.
Having a couple hours left until show time at Alice's, my thoughts drifted to Bella once more, but I had to stop them before they got as bad as earlier. After all, I went to the gym to rid myself of those thoughts, right? Guess my methods weren't all that effective, because I kept going back to her in my mind. For a girl I hardly introduced myself to, she really captured me.
In a fleeting moment, I made a decision to go to the university library, in high hopes that I'd see her again. Just a glimpse, and I'll be good. It's not like I wasn't strong enough to keep away from her. My thoughts will vanish after that, I convinced myself.
This was one step closer to stalkerdom.
[ Continue reading to part three"]
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Bella/Edward; canon couples
Comments: This is technically a one-shot (though I'm not so sure anymore), but since LJ said the post was too long, I have to split this up. I must say, I'm feeling as if this story has been really been my baby for the last week, so I don't feel right splitting it up like this... I guess it's 'cause I really don't like how this part came out.... And yep, still don't care if "stalkerdom" isn't a word.
Library Buddy
By Ahhelga
(Working Title)
[ Read previously in part one]
Part two of the one-shot
The meeting with Rosalie, Emmett's new girlfriend, was interesting to say the least. The whole time I knew I was being harsh on her, because Alice kept sending me these harsh glares and Emmett was starting to apologize for everything I was doing, but I really was judging her if she was capable of being Emmett's first real girlfriend. I wanted his first to be worthy. I didn't have to be the older brother to be protective of him. Although, in the end, it was worth it as I found Rosalie not that bad, and I warmed up to Rosalie. She was haughty, difficult, and well aware of her beauty, but that just made her all the more perfect for Emmett.
I could say that that night was a success for all of us, especially for Emmett when Alice took a ride home with me, and Emmett said he'd stay over for some intimate time. I didn't want to dwell on that, though I knew this was important to him. Usually it was intimacy first, then the introduction. He may have not had a real girlfriend before, but he dated and he had had his wide array of one-nighters. Why did I know this? Well, he always shared with me the day after. But I had a feeling he wouldn't be recounting his night's events with Rosalie to me. This was the first lady he was going to really be intimate with.
Something in my stomach turned again. It was that feeling, that feeling whenever I thought about Bella. It would also come up whenever I thought of the prospect of a love life (with her, my mind would always add). Emmett's newfound love had really brought this out of me, and it was apparent already in only a single night. By morning, I was lovesick.
Love. That was a funny word, and I decided now was as good as any time to dwell on what it meant to me. Considering that I haven't been much of a "lovey" person, I'm not exactly one who would jump into a deep relationship... or any relationship for that matter. I had been pursued, sure, but to tell the truth, no one would interest me.
My siblings even went so far as to color me gay, but that was quickly shot down with the obvious hormones I would get as a teenager. Also, I had gotten in a small relationship around that time, but not because I wanted to dispel the notion that I was gay, but because it was convenient to be in a relationship with her. Of course, my relationship with Tanya had been short lived, and after just a month, we were split. On her side, it was because I was not the man she thought I was, and on my side, it was because I simply did not like her. I figured that if I were to be in any romantic relationship, I'd have to have my heart fully in it, much less a simple liking.
So really, I had never been in love, and I never had any strong feelings. This fascination with Bella had really been the strongest feelings I had ever felt. Ever. And the idea slightly scared me. I hardly met the girl yet I was so infatuated already. And though it was very scary, I couldn't help but smile at the memory of her blush, or the pout of her lips, or her deep brown eyes... Or that scent. God, her scent was so enticing, so alluring. I found myself breathing heavily because of it. I never thought I could be attracted to a smell!
Thinking about it drove me insane. I thought of Bella in the library, if she were there again, looking over all the classics, deciding what she would read this time with that scent wrapping all around her. All around us. If I were there, I would lean in ever so slightly just to take a whiff, and Bella would look back at me with a small smile, hinting that she knew what I was doing. Still being shy as ever though, she would probably blush and turn away from me. I know I wouldn't be able to help myself, and I'd reach out and stroke her arm from the side, letting her know that she had no reason to be shy.
With that, she'd turn to me, ignoring all the books lined up behind her, and mirror my actions. Our arms would be stroke each other's free arms. I would take her by surprise, though, by cupping her face then, and she would would warm my palm with her blush. It would ignite a fire in my own body, and there would be no way to cool us down at this point. I'd then stroke her lips with the fingertips of the hand not cupping her face. Her eyes would slowly close and she'd gently press her lips to my fingers. Feeling empowered, I'd surprise her by bringing my lips to hers.
Our kiss would be magical and perfect; it would have a hint of passion but our lips would be gentle as they moved together. Together our bodies would become one, since we'd be pushing at each other, not getting enough. In that instant, our kiss would deepen, letting our tongues and hands push through the barriers. Her hands would tug, stroke, and brush through my hair, and my own hands would be everywhere, from her arms, to her back, to the hips, and back upwards to her breasts.
We'd moan into each others' mouths, unable to take the heated passion between us in that moment. I would feel myself growing harder by every second, especially when she would groan whenever I would graze her nipple. The wonderful scent would drive me crazier, and I'd involuntarily grind against her. She'd be so heated even through the fabric of her pants that my hardness would be begging to be closer to her heat. And knowing what I'd want, she'd have this glint in her eyes as she'd grind with my hips.
With every push of her pelvis, my cock would harden, and soon enough, I'd be stiff as stone. Bella would still be shy as ever as she would glance down, but there'd be this whole new side of her as she would lower her body, raking her fingers as she went down. And right there, in the middle of the library, I'd be able to carry out one of my biggest fantasies, with her stroking her tongue all along--
Oh God. I had to get out of this daydream. If I hadn't hit rock bottom of stalkerdom yet, I was getting there fast. Though I had enjoyed my thoughts, that was much too weird. I've had had fantasies in the past, but nothing so lively, or with anyone I knew, and the thought was odd to me. Of course, this whole situation was odd to me. Here I was, sweating over a fantasy of a girl I had barely met who had held my heart more than anyone I had ever encountered in my life! Either Emmett had really affected me, or I was going insane. Maybe both.
Oh, how could I ever face Bella now? These thoughts would pop up every time I would see her, and I definitely wouldn't want to defile her in such away. She was... angelic. With beautifully pouty lips that I wanted to devour. Stop it, Edward, keep control.
I would feel so guilty every time I looked her in the eye that I would have to look away constantly. And as much as I hated the fact that I would never get to see her beautiful eyes, it was much better this way if it meant avoiding guilt. She may be able to read my every naughty thought with just a glance. What would she think if she found out? She'd probably be horrified, disgusted even. I would understand that. But I really didn't know her; what if she liked that sort of thing? I pondered on that.
But thinking of that was worse than anything else, because it only brought out the stalker in me some more. I needed a distraction. A distraction that wasn't Bella. I knew for sure that I couldn't go to the library today after what I was just thinking of, so I'd have to make plans elsewhere.
Figuring Emmett was still having intimate time with Rose (and at the thought I found myself green with envy for having a chance of intimacy with who he loved), I decided to call Alice. Calling her speed dial, I waited for her to pick up.
The first thing I heard was Alice laughing, and, still giggly, she answered, "Hello?"
"Alice," I replied.
"What do you want?" she asked condescendingly, but jokingly, as her giggles died off. I could see the smirk in her tone.
"I just wanted to do something today, so I was wondering if you had plans," I said. "I just really need to do something different today 'cause I feel like I'm in a rut." I don't know why I added that part. I knew that I had to be on my toes, because Alice was sensing that I was keeping something from her last night, and that something was Bella. As much as I would liked to have shared with the world the wonderful news that was Bella, I didn't want Alice to force me into rushing anything.
"Sorry, Eddie," she giggled. I growled at her for using my most hated nickname. "But I'm busy shopping with some friends."
I groaned. "Great. What am I gonna do now?" I half-joked.
"Hey, I'm not the one with a lack of social life," Alice retorted. "Call Emmett. Rose is here with me, so I doubt he's doing anything. Though, he's probably tired from all the action last night."
I heard multiple forms of laughter in the background, and a far away "I sure know I am!" I recognized that as Rose, and I smiled slightly, happy for both her and Emmett. More and more into the previous night, I realized that Alice was right, they were perfect together. Emmett adored Rose in every way, that much was apparent, and Rose would look at him in a way that was so... loving. It shocked me how close they were after only a couple of days. But the idea of the very physical relationship they had brought my thoughts again to Bella, and of course the little fantasy I had just moments earlier. Calling Alice hadn't helped at all.
"Well, I guess if Emmett's available we'll go to the gym or something," I said to Alice.
"Mmhmm," she said, as if distracted. "Listen, Eddie, I'm a little busy right now. Shopping, chatting, scoping out the guys. You know. I'll talk to you later."
"Right," I had replied, feeling both surprised and unsurprised that she would cut our conversation over her friends. For the longest time, Alice and I had been best friends, but it seemed that she had been getting into having a social life lately. I even heard her mention having another best friend, whose name escaped me. All throughout our lives, she had always put me before friends, and this felt different. I supposed that was okay, because I was tired of going shopping with her all the time anyway.
"Oh, and I expect you'll talk about whatever problem you're having later," she said suddenly.
It still amazed me how she picked up on these things. "Sure, Alice. Bye."
"Bye!" she called out, but before she hung up, I heard a sweet voice in the background say "Who's Eddie?" and Alice replied "Just my broth--" before the call was ended. So she had Rose and some other girl there, who I assumed was her "other best friend". Alice may have been social, but she didn't hold onto many friends, and shopping with them signified a bond for Alice... I could say I was surprised to find that Alice had formed a bond with two different people in these past few days, but it would be up to Alice to make multiple friends in a short time.
I was a little disappointed that Alice had other plans, since I was really counting on her, but I really hadn't seen Emmett for weeks before last night. Though he and I lived in the same city, we were on different ends of the spectrum. He worked nights yet had significantly fewer classes than I did, I had classes virtually everyday, but it didn't stop us from calling each other. Plus, I really needed to work out, and Emmett was the perfect partner for that (well, when he was not trying to upstage me).
I called him a few short moments after. Though he was still groggy and tired, he'd agreed, figuring a work out would help his state. Leave it to Emmett to go to the gym to get less tired. But, I wasn't gonna complain, because I really needed this distraction. And what better way than to sweat it out? I hated the fact that that had a double meaning, because it hit too close to home with what I was avoiding.
Emmett had picked me up, since I didn't mind jogging back home if the situation called for it. He had this insane decked out jeep, and if it weren't for the unnecessary harness, I would have worried for my safety. He drove faster than I ever did, and he did so without a care, whereas I always watched out while I sped. So to say that we arrived at the gym less than five minutes later wasn't much to say at all. We did not even speak to each other until we got out of the locker room, which normally would have been fine with me, but Emmett wasn't exactly the type to get lost in his thoughts.
"So, Emmett," I said, forcing the silence to be broken, "how was last night?"
He had quietly grunted and his eyes had darted in my direction as we made a beeline towards the weights. I would normally start off my gym time on the treadmill, but for the sake of talking to Emmett, I joined him in lifting weights. He immediately went to pick up some of the heavier weights off of the fourth rack, while I grabbed a couple from the third. He was still quiet, and it was making me uncomfortable. Usually Emmett shared what was going through his mind, with hardly any filter I figured, so him mulling over his thoughts really brought me nervousness.
"You're... not going to talk about it?" I asked him between lifts. Again, I got his grunt, only a little louder this time. Now I was thoroughly curious; it seemed more that Emmett was defensive as opposed to angry or sad or disappointed.
We then continued on in silence. After a good chunk of time spent at the free weights, we moved onto the bench, then some machines, and then to do sit ups and push ups, and finally to my favorite, the treadmill. Emmett may have not been the same kind of avid runner I was, but he could keep up fine. Though, I did catch him struggling more often than not. So it kind of shocked me when he had decided to converse while we were on the treadmill, where he was most worn. Of course, having thought it over, I found that it was quite genius really. He would be able to keep quiet when he didn't want to talk about something, because he could play it off to tiredness, and he would talk to me at my most understanding. Or maybe I was looking too closely into things.
"Dude," he started off strong, but started to wane with every stride, "I can't... even describe you how... amazing these last few days have been..." I nodded in response, not wanting to waste any breath and so that he wouldn't lose his streak. "Edward, Rose is... wonderful -- well, you saw how hot she was! It was... such a eye-opener when I first saw her on the... plane. I must have been dripping... lust!" He laughed, but it came out restrained from the running.
I believed him when he said that about his initial reaction to Rosalie. Emmett had always been the type to think purely on attraction to something: attraction to strength led him to exercise compulsively, attraction to cars led him to work hard for the money for them, attraction to women led him to, well, a very fast-forward lifestyle. As soon as that attraction ignited, he had to follow through with it. In that way, he was very much like Alice, and I had to wonder if they were really blood related. Or maybe growing up together had done that to them. Did that mean I was like that too? I doubted I was as driven in that way as they were.
Emmett took in a gust of air, which brought me out of my thoughts. "Oh God, Edward, I figured it was just going to be some... mile-high thing. But she would not... take my advances at all! ...Who on earth can't resist the ol' Emmett charm!"
I laughed loudly now, and not nearly as tired as Emmett was, I replied easily, "Someone who can certainly remember to keep you in your place."
He laughed back, and lowered his treadmill's speed. Even that little bit gave me confidence. Emmett was always so daunting and competitive, that even with the fact that he was really like a teddy bear he still made me uneasy. He turned to me slightly. "And Rose can definitely do that. On that airplane... she was kinda bossy but totally... levelheaded... and, fuck, it was just so hot! Edward, she's so hot, and good to me, and perfect, I kinda don't know... what to do..."
I realized then that he was slowing down now, almost to a stop. I followed suit, not wanting to be off pace from him. Something was tugging at me, like I knew this was really important, and his lack of eye contact and wiping sweat just confirmed my suspicions.
He then looked me dead in the eye and continued seriously, "Edward, I... think I love her. And it's scaring me, 'cause it's only been a couple of days, but when I held her this morning, I knew. I just knew that I wanted to be with her the rest of my life. I've never had such strong feelings, and I'm not sure where to go with this. I mean, she's my first real girlfriend! That's pathetic, I'd say. But I feel like she's this angel who saved me when I was struggling. It's like this, my past has been... empty, and now with Rose, I can't imagine a life without her. The initial lust for her was almost like something more, and the more I got to know her, it was pulling me more to her. I love her, Edward, I just don't want to do anything crazy..."
Wow. "Emmett, I don't think you're capable of not being crazy," I said, slightly smiling at him. He chuckled back. "And yeah, if these feelings are so strong, then I tell you to embrace it. I mean, do you like the feeling?" He nodded. "Then, I say you keep going with it. Of course, I don't think it's a good idea to tell Rosalie anything like that just yet. Lay it on her slow, she might not be able to take that kind of commitment just yet, after three days. Though, I doubt that, 'cause you should've seen the way she looked at you last night. I'm pretty sure she feels exactly the same way you do, and I consider myself pretty good at reading emotions. I may not be able to relate, but I do know how I feel with Bel..." I blinked, almost slipping up on Bella, "...with what I've seen... Anyway, I say you treat Rose with the way you want who you love to be treated. That is all you need to do for now."
He noticed the pause I took, and eyed me carefully. But I was grateful that he simply just pulled me into a man-hug and thanked me, gratitude dripping with every word. "Edward, you're a great guy. The girl that catches your eye is sure to be lucky." He gave me a pointed look, and I was sure if he was talking straight to the word now, not just hopefully.
I stared at him right back, knowing the question in his eyes. I really didn't want to share about Bella, even though it just seemed selfish to do so, but the reason I was here at the gym in the first place was not to think about Bella. Though, it did help that I was in the gym; I was more careful with my thoughts around other people. Figuring that I'll have to tell someone eventually anyway, I sighed, giving in. Hopefully, this wouldn't reach Alice just yet. "Fine, Emmett, I have something to tell you too."
We started our way to the locker room as I mulled my thoughts over. I mean, Bella wasn't anything to me... at least, nothing that made our relationship a mutual symbiosis. How would I describe it to Emmett? How could I tell him this unnatural pull I felt with Bella? I briefly remembered what Emmett said about him building this clutch the more he got to know Rose... and I knew that he was the perfect one to talk about what was going on with me.
"It's not much, but I've been going to the library while you guys were away..." I trailed off, not exactly sure how I should have continued.
"And?" His voice was full of curiosity, in a way that reminded me of a child finding out where the Batcave really was hidden.
"And, well, there was as I expected no one really there," I glanced over to him, and he had the most disappointed expression on his face. I couldn't help but grin; he really did remind me of a child. "But I did find this woman sleeping there. She was the only other person there. Anyway, I kept seeing her afterwards. Nothing much."
Emmett broke out into a grin as we neared the locker room, and he looked at me with a sly look. "Is she pretty?"
Pretty? Oh God, pretty doesn't cover it... She's beautiful, ravishing, adorable, gorgeous, breathtaking. And not to mention very... fragrant. I couldn't tell him any of this though, but I wanted to convey what she did look like, so I settled on, "Very."
"Well? Did you talk to her? At least introduce yourself? God, Edward, knowing you, you probably haven't even made eye contact with her! This is probably the first girl you've set your sights on--"
"Emmett!" I knew my tone came out more desperate than I had intended, but I just didn't want him to go on like that. "Yes, I did introduce myself. Yesterday, actually. Her name's Bella."
"Well, well, well, Eddie boy," he said. I winced at the nickname I heard way too many times this morning; he didn't notice. Emmett then wrapped his giant arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, which wasn't exactly all that pleasant. His sweat, my sweat, not a good combo. But he didn't care, as usual. "This girl must've gotten your attention! You're so defensive, and you have this guilty look all over your face. So? How was it? How's this girl? Am I gonna meet her soon?"
I laughed, noticing that similarity to Alice once more. I hardly mentioned Bella and he already wanted to see if she was good enough for their standards. But, I couldn't help but imagine Bella meeting them. I smiled at the thought, thinking of Bella to be close enough to me to have to meet my family. I wondered briefly if she would like my room. I shook the thought away, knowing this was way too fast and way too stalker-like of me. I wasn't going to kidnap her and bring her home after all. Though you'd really like to see her in your room, huh, Edward? Stop! Stop!
Emmett had this amused look in his eyes as he looked at me. He must have noticed my inner monologue, which I should have been embarrassed about, but couldn't find myself to be. He was still waiting for a reply. I sighed.
"She's... great, Emmett," I said, thinking again of that scent that enveloped her. "I don't think I've ever been this physically attracted to anyone, really. And to think she is as much of a reader as I am really is such a plus. Except..." Something that bothered me entered my mind.
"Except?" he pushed.
"Well, when she left yesterday, she was distant." I remembered the way her eyes lingered with that sad look. "Almost melancholy. Different from when I first talked to her, as if I wasn't exactly who she thought I was."
"What did you do then?" he asked. "Were you doing anything that might've pushed her away?"
I thought about it. "No, I don't think so. I mean, I was ending a phone call with Alice when she last saw me."
Emmett let out a roar of laughter, and I couldn't see any reason as to why. He slammed his gigantic palm on my back, which had me staggering. "Well I see! Eddie! You and Alice are so close, when I hear the two of you speak, I'd think you were together!" He shuddered slightly.
I gaped at him, shuddering slightly on my part as well. "What? What makes you think that?!"
"Well, the two of you tell each other your little 'I love you's after every call, and the fact that you're so familiar with each other could be interpreted as otherwise. Maybe your little Bella thought you guys were dating, since I'm sure you ended with your 'love you' to Alice. Bella's probably jealous of your 'girlfriend'."
"That's gross, Emmett," I shot back at him, "Besides, that's probably not the case. She hardly knows me, and I hardly know her, so she couldn't possibly feel that way if I had a girlfriend." No, she wouldn't like me anyway. I may have gotten many admirers, but that was only skin deep. Bella seemed like the type to go beyond looks... and I really liked that fact.
Thankfully, the subject of Bella and my love life was somewhat dropped as soon as we got into the locker room to shower and change. Fortunately Emmett was there, or I'd be sorely tempted to do something regrettable in a public stall after talking and thinking of Bella so much. Ugh, I was seriously like a teenage boy when it came to Bella.
When we got out and he was on his way to drop me off, at a much slower speed this time, we chatted. Not having seen my brother in weeks really took a lot out of conversations. We made up for lost time in those few minutes more than we had in the whole few hours at the gym. We finally rolled into the garage of my apartment building.
"Edward, later on, wanna do someth--hold up," he said, pulling out the cell phone that was vibrating in his pocket. "'Lo? Hey, Al. What was that? Yeah, Edward's here. No. No. Oh, really? Well then, little sis... Oh. He better be--oh. Fine. Sure, sure. I'll tell him. 'Kay, see you tonight." He turned to me when he hung up. "Alice says for you to come over for dinner at her place tonight at six. She says to wear the shirt she bought you on Friday."
I nodded. "Sure, what's the occasion?"
"She says it's a mini-party... Plus she wants to introduce us to someone. Our little sister's found herself a guy," his white teeth were flashing now in a wicked grin. I'm sure I mirrored his expression. Alice had had herself a few boyfriends in the past, even having a serious one, so it wasn't nearly as big a deal as it was for Emmett to have Rosalie or my crush on Bella, but it was still monumental. Alice was our little sister, so we had rights to evaluate who caught her eye. Of course, we never really had any real opportunity to be overbearing, because usually she dumped a guy sooner than we can fully judge. She was a better judge than us anyway, since it seemed that she knew right away if there was a match... or lack of one. Ergo, this new guy didn't have us worried too much. They probably wouldn't last long anyway.
Emmett left after agreeing that I'd pick him up and I went up to change into the plain blue Oxford shirt she got me last week. In the same fashion as all the clothes Alice had gotten me in the past, this shirt fit perfectly. I pulled out a pair of fitted black jeans, not wanting to look too serious for this guy of Alice's. I had to make a relaxed first impression after all. Emmett and I took it upon ourselves to play "good cop, bad cop". I of course took the role of "good cop". Emmett was just a natural at "bad cop" that I couldn't take that away from him, even though I thought it'd be fun to probe into someone else's mind.
Having a couple hours left until show time at Alice's, my thoughts drifted to Bella once more, but I had to stop them before they got as bad as earlier. After all, I went to the gym to rid myself of those thoughts, right? Guess my methods weren't all that effective, because I kept going back to her in my mind. For a girl I hardly introduced myself to, she really captured me.
In a fleeting moment, I made a decision to go to the university library, in high hopes that I'd see her again. Just a glimpse, and I'll be good. It's not like I wasn't strong enough to keep away from her. My thoughts will vanish after that, I convinced myself.
This was one step closer to stalkerdom.
[ Continue reading to part three"]