(no subject)
so things with jesse and i are over for now. i love him so much, and thats what makes it hard. he wouldnt let me hate him, he wouldnt say what i needed him to say so i could hate him, so im stuck still loving him, and that makes me kinda mad. he forced me to dump him. i got the line 'you deserve better', but isnt that my choice. i dont think he's a bad guy, i know he isnt. he was crying the whole time, which makes me know that he feels badly. i hate to think that he didnt care about me at all, i know he did. i dont want things to be over with him, i really dont. dad says that he thinks things arent over, i think he might be saying that just to calm me down, so i dont get depressed. sometimes though i think he's right about a lot of stuff, even if i dont like it, he's been right about a lot of things, maybe not the exact date, but within a couple months. nobody likes a know it all, but he is actually right. we will see, but for now im moving in with my parents, trying to start over. i dont want a different bf, i want jesse. i have always been an emotional masicist. he says he needs to figure himself out, maybe, but im afraid that he will forget about me, he'll stop caring. he'll forget how good we are together, and i might too, even though i dont want to. he's the best ive ever had. he made me feel so good about myself. he made me feel like the princess ive always been told i am, but he made me believe it. he made me like me that much more. im going to miss him more than i should. let them go and when they come back you know that they are yours forever.....lets hope he comes back.