new fic: Scenes from a marriage, 2/4 [Brendon/Shane]

Oct 30, 2008 17:49

Scenes from a marriage, 2/4

part one here.

part two. )

tightpants, fic

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Comments 4

anonymous October 31 2008, 02:39:08 UTC
(psst--no link on this page, though the next entry button works just fine.)

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bohlster October 31 2008, 15:14:04 UTC
I'm really enjoying this, and I don't mean to be presumptuous or rude, but I did notice one grammatical error--

"Lay down," he says, so Shane sits and then scoots back until he's in the middle of the bed. He lays back, adjusting a pillow under his neck. I think the "lay" and "lays" should be "lie" and "lies."

Again, sorry if this isn't appropriate, and feel free to delete the comment.

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wearemany November 1 2008, 18:20:20 UTC
HAH. i'll give you the second one -- i was swapping things around in this sentence and fucked it up and forgot to fix. but i let the dialogue stand. people rarely know the difference between that. (my favorite pnemonic boils down to: you can only LAY something -- or someone -- physically somewhere, like a book on a table, or a boy across a bed. otherwise you just lie there.)

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bohlster November 1 2008, 19:55:03 UTC
heh. That would be why you're the writer and I'm just the kid with the anal retentive English teacher. :\

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