I should have known. I should have known something was up when he didn't check in but... I've been so preoccupied with Spike a-and Dawn and the Hellmouth, I
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I gave a brief nod towards the girls and then turned, walking away from them. They didn't know Giles, had never met him. To them he'd be just another dead Watcher guy - someone who the Slayer - me - someone I'd looked up to. Learned from. Given grief to at, oh, every opportunity.
My composure threatened to slide away at that point and I found myself standing outside on my back porch with Xander, trying to catch my balance in a world where nothing was making sense any more.
"I got a phone call this morning," I started, turning to look at him. I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Ms. Summers. "From England." My composure went right out the window at the look on Xander's face. It fell so far and so fast that it almost took me with it, like a ton of bricks o-or those other incredibly British things that Giles used to say.
"They blew the Council up, Xander," I whispered, the tears coming again, "Giles-- H-he was staying there, trying to figure out everything that was happening here and... They said that there was no chance that anyone survived." And they were sorry for my loss, like I'd just put Giles down somewhere and lost him for the moment.
Like he wasn't halfway across the world, blown to-- Oh God. I really started to cry then. I sank down on my front porch steps and buried my face in my hands. We hadn't just lost a Watcher. We'd lost a father, too.
I just looked at her, stared actually. "England...Giles..." I shook my head, the only father figure I really had. Mine was a raving drunk, but Giles...
"Blown up. No" I shook my head, "There's no way Buffy, he would have left, or gotten away. He wouldn't have been inside. I mean, he's Giles. He'll always be around, right?" I sat next to her, the tears in my eyes as well. "Wrong" I said softly, as I put my arms around her and cried together.
It turned out that it was pretty easy to say the actual words. They tripped off my tongue pretty quickly and with every one I spoke, Xander's shoulders seemed to slump a little bit more.
Giles. Gone. Blown up. God, this was too... It didn't feel real.
"There's no way Buffy, he would have left, or gotten away. He wouldn't have been inside. I mean, he's Giles. He'll always be around, right?"
I'd thought so too but then-- What had I known? I didn't think I'd be a virtual orphan by the age of 21, looking after my sister. My Mom-- She'd been too young to die, too young to get that stupid brain tumor that ate her alive. That stupid brain tumor that I couldn't even fight and Giles--
Giles had been killed with something that I could fight. Giles had been murdered by something that was trying to get to all of us, trying to claw its way up from beneath the floor and I'd been, what, preoccupied? Nice excuse there, Buff, I thought sourly, blinking as I felt Xander's arms slide around me.
He was crying.
It hadn't been easy. Hadn't been easy to tell him or to think about this or even contemplate what our next step was without Giles but I knew one thing. Through this emptiness inside, through this hollow, resounding ache I knew that one way or another, the thing that had murdered my Watcher was in for a world full of pain.
Maybe, from beneath us, it had started this war but I was the Slayer and somehow? I was going to finish it.
"We should go inside," I said after a beat, "The girls are waiting."
I didn't mean to be cold, efficient Buffy but... I had to have something to go on with. I had to had something to cling to because without it? It would sink in that Giles was really gone and I couldn't let that happen, not yet.
Buffy and Xander came back into the sitting room. They both looked really serious. Something bad had happened. Really bad. I felt my stomach squirming uncomfortably, unable to help the suspicion that this bad thing was something to do with the weird guys who'd hunted Rhia and me.
"I-I'm sorry if this is a bad time," I said quietly. "Just... didn't know who else to go to. I met Rhia yesterday. She... Those guys, the eyeless ones, they were hunting her too. I think she must be a potential slayer as well, though she didn't have a watcher." I bit my lip. "We just wondered if you had any ideas what we should do..." My voice trailed away.
When Xander came in behind me, he held his fist behind his back. I said nothing, but I pretty much knew what he'd done. He'd done the same in Will's college room when he'd found out about my Mom. I'd patch him up a little later.
First, I turned my attention on Becca. "I-I'm sorry if this is a bad time, just... didn't know who else to go to."
"Welcome to Sunnydale," I said softly, "I think you'll pretty much find that there's never a good time in this town." Which wasn't true all the time, but right now I didn't feel like talking up the wonders of living on the Hellmouth. Living on the Hellmouth had brought me nothing but grief since I'd moved here and I was getting tired of it.
The girls-- Becca, Rhia -- they were both potentials. One had a Watcher. One didn't. And I was in the latter category now because Giles--
"We just wondered if you had any ideas what we should do..."
Part of me - and I really was ashamed of this - wanted to tell them both to get out of my house. That I'd lost the only man I'd known as my father for a long time and I wanted to cry and scream at the unfairness of it all.
I didn't.
Instead, I met Becca's gaze, and focussed on the fact that I knew the right thing to do. I mightn't have liked it - it mightn't even have been fair but these girls had come to me because they were scared. Because they were scared and they were alone and something was hunting them down and this was the only place they could go.
"I think-- I think maybe you guys should stay here," I started, knowing already that Dawn would probably kill me for this, "At least until we've figured out what we're up against. All I know is that something's hunting you guys... Something killed Giles and until we know what that thing is, I need to know you guys are safe."
After all, if I died? Chances were, one of these girls could be called after me.
Buffy's face looked strained. I could see she really didn't want us here, and I felt bad about that, but she stayed polite. Besides, what else could I do? It's not like I had anywhere else to go.
"I think-- I think maybe you guys should stay here," Buffy said. I wondered if I should protest and say I wouldn't want to impose. But that was stupid. Two weeks of living rough had put me way past formalities.
"Er, thanks, Buffster - I mean Buffy," I said. Evidently I'd picked up on what Xander had just said. I felt my ears pinking. "Um. Obviously, it wouldn't be long term. But I think - I think I'd like to stay here. Just on your sofa or whatever. Out of your way. I'd just..." I took a deep breath. "If anything tries to knock down the door, I'd prefer someone on the other end who could kill it, you know?" I thought of Geoffrey in a puddle of blood and closed my eyes briefly. It was hard to get the memory of that dark trail of blood out of my head. "I hope you kill them," I say suddenly, staring at her directly, my jaw tightening. "Whoever these men are. I hope you kill them a lot." I felt my eyes prickling, and so I stepped out onto the front porch. I didn't want people seeing me cry.
My composure threatened to slide away at that point and I found myself standing outside on my back porch with Xander, trying to catch my balance in a world where nothing was making sense any more.
"I got a phone call this morning," I started, turning to look at him. I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Ms. Summers. "From England." My composure went right out the window at the look on Xander's face. It fell so far and so fast that it almost took me with it, like a ton of bricks o-or those other incredibly British things that Giles used to say.
"They blew the Council up, Xander," I whispered, the tears coming again, "Giles-- H-he was staying there, trying to figure out everything that was happening here and... They said that there was no chance that anyone survived." And they were sorry for my loss, like I'd just put Giles down somewhere and lost him for the moment.
Like he wasn't halfway across the world, blown to-- Oh God. I really started to cry then. I sank down on my front porch steps and buried my face in my hands. We hadn't just lost a Watcher. We'd lost a father, too.
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"Blown up. No" I shook my head, "There's no way Buffy, he would have left, or gotten away. He wouldn't have been inside. I mean, he's Giles. He'll always be around, right?" I sat next to her, the tears in my eyes as well. "Wrong" I said softly, as I put my arms around her and cried together.
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Giles. Gone. Blown up. God, this was too... It didn't feel real.
"There's no way Buffy, he would have left, or gotten away. He wouldn't have been inside. I mean, he's Giles. He'll always be around, right?"
I'd thought so too but then-- What had I known? I didn't think I'd be a virtual orphan by the age of 21, looking after my sister. My Mom-- She'd been too young to die, too young to get that stupid brain tumor that ate her alive. That stupid brain tumor that I couldn't even fight and Giles--
Giles had been killed with something that I could fight. Giles had been murdered by something that was trying to get to all of us, trying to claw its way up from beneath the floor and I'd been, what, preoccupied? Nice excuse there, Buff, I thought sourly, blinking as I felt Xander's arms slide around me.
He was crying.
It hadn't been easy. Hadn't been easy to tell him or to think about this or even contemplate what our next step was without Giles but I knew one thing. Through this emptiness inside, through this hollow, resounding ache I knew that one way or another, the thing that had murdered my Watcher was in for a world full of pain.
Maybe, from beneath us, it had started this war but I was the Slayer and somehow? I was going to finish it.
"We should go inside," I said after a beat, "The girls are waiting."
I didn't mean to be cold, efficient Buffy but... I had to have something to go on with. I had to had something to cling to because without it? It would sink in that Giles was really gone and I couldn't let that happen, not yet.
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"Let's go take care of the guests." I would pull myself together now. I stood up, and let Buffy go ahead of me.
Then pushed my fist against the wall. I knew how strong it was, I'd fixed it enough times. Pain. Pain took the real, internal pain away.
As Anya said once, I blame the wall.
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"I-I'm sorry if this is a bad time," I said quietly. "Just... didn't know who else to go to. I met Rhia yesterday. She... Those guys, the eyeless ones, they were hunting her too. I think she must be a potential slayer as well, though she didn't have a watcher." I bit my lip. "We just wondered if you had any ideas what we should do..." My voice trailed away.
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First, I turned my attention on Becca. "I-I'm sorry if this is a bad time, just... didn't know who else to go to."
"Welcome to Sunnydale," I said softly, "I think you'll pretty much find that there's never a good time in this town." Which wasn't true all the time, but right now I didn't feel like talking up the wonders of living on the Hellmouth. Living on the Hellmouth had brought me nothing but grief since I'd moved here and I was getting tired of it.
The girls-- Becca, Rhia -- they were both potentials. One had a Watcher. One didn't. And I was in the latter category now because Giles--
"We just wondered if you had any ideas what we should do..."
Part of me - and I really was ashamed of this - wanted to tell them both to get out of my house. That I'd lost the only man I'd known as my father for a long time and I wanted to cry and scream at the unfairness of it all.
I didn't.
Instead, I met Becca's gaze, and focussed on the fact that I knew the right thing to do. I mightn't have liked it - it mightn't even have been fair but these girls had come to me because they were scared. Because they were scared and they were alone and something was hunting them down and this was the only place they could go.
"I think-- I think maybe you guys should stay here," I started, knowing already that Dawn would probably kill me for this, "At least until we've figured out what we're up against. All I know is that something's hunting you guys... Something killed Giles and until we know what that thing is, I need to know you guys are safe."
After all, if I died? Chances were, one of these girls could be called after me.
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"I think-- I think maybe you guys should stay here," Buffy said. I wondered if I should protest and say I wouldn't want to impose. But that was stupid. Two weeks of living rough had put me way past formalities.
"Er, thanks, Buffster - I mean Buffy," I said. Evidently I'd picked up on what Xander had just said. I felt my ears pinking. "Um. Obviously, it wouldn't be long term. But I think - I think I'd like to stay here. Just on your sofa or whatever. Out of your way. I'd just..." I took a deep breath. "If anything tries to knock down the door, I'd prefer someone on the other end who could kill it, you know?" I thought of Geoffrey in a puddle of blood and closed my eyes briefly. It was hard to get the memory of that dark trail of blood out of my head. "I hope you kill them," I say suddenly, staring at her directly, my jaw tightening. "Whoever these men are. I hope you kill them a lot." I felt my eyes prickling, and so I stepped out onto the front porch. I didn't want people seeing me cry.
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"We're here to help, and protect, right Buffster?" I was trying to sound funny...it sounded pitiful.
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