(no subject)
I'm so depressed right now. Just really sad. I'm keeping myself from crying. I can feel Sara but I'm not letting her out just now. My kids kind of need their mom...not a sad little girl.
Images in my head. Floating past my eyes. I try to shut them out because I don't know if I'm ready for them. Dark places and closets, feeling like I'm a bad girl, etc.
And then comes the feeling of numbness. Like nothing around me is real.
Then just as I start to feel "normal" again I get depressed.
Why is it every time I learn something new about myself I have some kind of "episode" or whatever?
I need someone to talk to. But, I don't want to call my therapist. I don't need that. I just need a friend. But, I don't want to bug any of my friends. I feel silly really. I mean, it's in the past and it cannot hurt me/us. *sigh* Just need to keep telling myself/selves that.
Images in my head. Floating past my eyes. I try to shut them out because I don't know if I'm ready for them. Dark places and closets, feeling like I'm a bad girl, etc.
And then comes the feeling of numbness. Like nothing around me is real.
Then just as I start to feel "normal" again I get depressed.
Why is it every time I learn something new about myself I have some kind of "episode" or whatever?
I need someone to talk to. But, I don't want to call my therapist. I don't need that. I just need a friend. But, I don't want to bug any of my friends. I feel silly really. I mean, it's in the past and it cannot hurt me/us. *sigh* Just need to keep telling myself/selves that.