(no subject)
I just had a bit of an anxiety attack. Gawd I hate those.
I drove a friend to work today because her car is out of comission for about a week. After today she's going to be borrowing mine. I forgot to put my bandages on before I left. She noticed the scratches about half way to her job and asked me about them. I started to cry and said I didn't want to talk about it infront of Orion (which I don't). She's one of the few RL friends who knows about my inner family. She did ask if I was seeing someone and I told her I was getting help. She asked "This is the last time right?" or something like that and I told her I didn't have control over it. I didn't go into details because that's when I started to cry.
Shit I'm dizzy. I still have a bit to do today like some lessons with my son. But, I'm tired because I couldn't sleep last night. I kept on hearing things. Some real and some in my head. Then I thought we were having an earthquake but we weren't (long story).
*sigh* Sometime before I went out to run my errands Jessica came out and cut again. I was aware the whole time. It didn't seem like she was feeling any malace or anger or pain of any kind. She was just doing it just for the sake of doing it I think. I find it so odd. I mean, she doesn't even seem to care if anyone sees the cuts. Meanwhile I'm trying to think of ways to hide them. I'm totally embarassed and I don't even want to leave the house.
I'm trying to ignore it. Not let it be a distraction. But that's oh so hard. I just want the cuts to stop. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I drove a friend to work today because her car is out of comission for about a week. After today she's going to be borrowing mine. I forgot to put my bandages on before I left. She noticed the scratches about half way to her job and asked me about them. I started to cry and said I didn't want to talk about it infront of Orion (which I don't). She's one of the few RL friends who knows about my inner family. She did ask if I was seeing someone and I told her I was getting help. She asked "This is the last time right?" or something like that and I told her I didn't have control over it. I didn't go into details because that's when I started to cry.
Shit I'm dizzy. I still have a bit to do today like some lessons with my son. But, I'm tired because I couldn't sleep last night. I kept on hearing things. Some real and some in my head. Then I thought we were having an earthquake but we weren't (long story).
*sigh* Sometime before I went out to run my errands Jessica came out and cut again. I was aware the whole time. It didn't seem like she was feeling any malace or anger or pain of any kind. She was just doing it just for the sake of doing it I think. I find it so odd. I mean, she doesn't even seem to care if anyone sees the cuts. Meanwhile I'm trying to think of ways to hide them. I'm totally embarassed and I don't even want to leave the house.
I'm trying to ignore it. Not let it be a distraction. But that's oh so hard. I just want the cuts to stop. I feel like I'm losing my mind.