Queen Kleenex
I have the worst sinus headache! I therefore cannot do the readings I should be doing right now...so instead, I've compiled a list of the top three stupid things I have done in my life...or at least the ones I can remember right now.
- In grade one, I can recall having to sit in a circle on the ground every day in class, while the French teacher told us how to say the date in French blah blah blah. The teacher was also a part of the circle, although she had the privilege of being allowed to sit on a chair. For some reason, all of the kiddies scrambled to sit on one side or the other of the teacher ... it's kinda like how the cool kids later on sat at the back of the bus. I'm sure that the kids who sat next to the teacher back in those days were the very same ones who eventually snagged the precious backseats of the bus. To continue with the story, on one particular day, I was one of the lucky children sitting next to the teacher; my good friend Christina was on the other side. As the teacher got up to write something on the board, I discovered a pencil on the ground beside me. Stealthily picking it up, I pretended, to Christina's delight, to hold the pencil upright on the teacher's chair.
"What's so funny??" quipped the teacher in response to Christina's giggling.
"Oh, nothing," said Christina "Katie just almost did something really funny..."
"It would be funny, wouldn't it!" I thought to myself.
Needless to say the next time the teacher got up, I positioned the pencil in an upright position on her chair. As her unsuspecting, and rather large, bottom came down upon the pencil, I held it tight ... only when poor teacher let out a blood curdling scream and lift me high into the air by one arm did I realize the profound stupidity of my actions. - One afternoon in grade seven, my friend Carly and I were lounging about in her backyard after school as bored teenagers do. After wondering what on earth there was to do on such a day, we decided to experiment with something previously only seen on tv: the consumption of a raw egg. With Carly chickening out, I cracked the egg open on the edge of the table, squirted the slimy tadpole into my mouth, and threw my head back. After repeated gagging, coughing, chugging of pop, and violent fits, I managed to keep the disgusting thing down. Eww. NEVER eat a raw egg. It's just not worth it folks. (PS this ranks along with another grade seven food experiment: the eating of an extremely hot and burning chili by yours truly, straight off the tree, and a burning mouth for 2 days following.)
- Somewhat recently, I arrived home after a party intoxicated. Unable to get to sleep, I decided I would pop a sleeping pill (drunken logic?) to help Mr Sandman. Unfortunately for me, earlier that day I had been watching a tv program on coke addicts, which happened to explain the intricacies of snorting, and how inhalation of any drug sneaks it straight up to the brain, making it therefore work more quickly. Aha! I thought. I should crush and inhale the sleeping pill! Out came the mortar and pestle, and after I had deemed the powder fine enough (in the dark, no less) I lined it up on the table and sucked it back using a rolled up $5 note. Intense pain followed, as the larger chunks scraped up my sinus passageways and dried out my poor nostril. I mustn't forget the hideous taste left in my mouth for the next few hours, sleepless hours, I might add.