Attempted Mugging
I just got mugged! It has a happy ending, but still, I'm a fucking moron and oh yeah, welcome to Portland.
It took 11 hours to get from Rice to PDX today, with stops in ABQ and SLC en route (no, I didn't have a layover in ABQ or I'd have called y'all down there; the plane just let people off and I wasn't one of them). So I get to PDX at 10pm, hop on the MAX (light rail) train that's just departing from the airport station, and realize, MAX newbie that I am, that you have to buy tickets beforehand. Well, last time I forgot to get a valid ticket before riding a train, I got a citation (go go Caltrain, 2 months and no sign of a ticket). So just to be safe (oh, the irony!), I got off at Gateway/NE 99th Ave MAX to buy a ticket. There's two young black men hanging out a few yards away. I check them out. Mentally ponder how fast one of them could go while carrying my laptop bag compared with how fast I could go while carrying my backpack. They're singing to themselves, which seems pretty non-threatening. Another guy comes up to me and asks if this is the platform for the airport. I point him to the platform opposite.
After 10 minutes in 36-degree weather, the train arrives. The black guys and I head for the same entrance and I'm thinking, "Well, there's other people on this car, that's good." And I go to get on the train... and one of the guys grabs my laptop bag and runs. The other dude magically disappeared, but I forgot about him, just started running (why yes! he CAN go faster than I can when I have a heavy backpack on!) and yelling 'GET HIM! GET HIM!" One guy at the end of my platform just watched as the mugger ran right by him (thanks a pantsload, dude), but a guy on the opposite platform took off after him. He caught up with the mugger, the mugger stopped, I ran up, and the mugger gave my bag back, mumbling, "I was just kidding." Then he left. I didn't ask his name or try to make him stay there or think to make note of what he looked like or anything, I just wanted it to be over. So he ran off and I profusely thanked my Good Samaritan. It was the guy who'd asked me which track to the airport. His name is Carlos. He told me he thought I was joking at first, and to call 911. He walked me back to the platform (we'd gone a little distance beyond it in pursuit), where both of our trains were coming. I gave him a hug.
As my train pulled up, a guy in a Securitas uniform walked up. I told him what happened, and he got on the train with me and told me to call 911. I wasn't going to, since everything worked out okay, but two people who haven't gotten mugged tonight must be smarter than me, so I did, and filed a report. The Securitas guy sat down by me and told me that he doesn't work for MAX, but the uniform works pretty well as a deterrent anyway. Too bad he hadn't gotten there a couple minutes earlier. He told me that the Gateway/NE 99th station is a bad area and he's been complaining to MAX that they need more security, especially at these isolated stations late at night, but obviously MAX has not provided, for monetary reasons I'm sure.
I got off at my bus transfer stop along with a girl and her boyfriend. They walked with me to the bus depot, where my bus was waiting for me, and told me they used to live out at Gateway and that it's a big drug area. I don't know anything about the outlying areas of Portland and its suburbs yet; I know enough to stay away from Chinatown, but that's about it. I took the bus to my next transfer station and stood there in the cold for 15 minutes, holding onto my laptop bag very securely, the way I should've when I got on MAX - I was just holding it by the handle then. Idiot.
Notes to self:
1. Stop feeling white guilt over racial profiling. You let your guard down because you didn't want to offend your muggers by treating them like muggers. Your ass got saved by a dude named Carlos, so obviously Good Samaritans come in all colors, but you're better off offending nice people than losing your valuables* because you were too P.C. (My next thought, after thinking this, was "Maybe I should donate to the NAACP.")
2. If you must parade around with a laptop bag, hide it from view as much as possible and always hold onto it securely.
3. Back up your data, you moron.
4. Hey, now you've really got a reason to go jogging and get in shape.
5. God, stop being so naïve. Find out where the bad parts of town and suburbs are, or even assume everywhere is unsafe. Consider carrying at least a knife; you'd have to check your bag on flights, and it wouldn't be effective at a distance for someone running away, but it might still be a good idea.
6. Get onto a separate car from suspicious characters, or, if you must board the same car, let them get on FIRST.
7. Fuck taking transit at night. If you fly home after dark, take a cab or make Zander pick you up. Transit ceases to be cost-effective and community-friendly if people are getting mugged because they wanted to pay $1.80 to get home instead of paying cab fare or airport parking fees.
Notes to muggers:
1. Fuck you. You suck. I hope you die.
2. Next time, steal a wallet instead of a laptop bag. It's lighter and less obvious to onlookers/cops, plus you can empty it out while you're running away and ditch it. You can't undo the straps on a Timbuk2 bag and pull out an iPod while you're running.
3. Mugging white girls is not a good survival strategy in a city whose PD is notorious for shooting black men with little or no provocation.
4. I still hope you do get shot, you worthless pieces of shit. I'm annoyed that you got me coming from the airport, when I couldn't possibly have been carrying a gun myself, even if I owned one.
*Actually, if my iPod hadn't been in the bag too, it would've been kinda funny if they'd gotten away with my bag. "Hey, the screen's broken!" Yeah, and it asks for a password too, for all that's worth. Way to steal a worthless machine!
It took 11 hours to get from Rice to PDX today, with stops in ABQ and SLC en route (no, I didn't have a layover in ABQ or I'd have called y'all down there; the plane just let people off and I wasn't one of them). So I get to PDX at 10pm, hop on the MAX (light rail) train that's just departing from the airport station, and realize, MAX newbie that I am, that you have to buy tickets beforehand. Well, last time I forgot to get a valid ticket before riding a train, I got a citation (go go Caltrain, 2 months and no sign of a ticket). So just to be safe (oh, the irony!), I got off at Gateway/NE 99th Ave MAX to buy a ticket. There's two young black men hanging out a few yards away. I check them out. Mentally ponder how fast one of them could go while carrying my laptop bag compared with how fast I could go while carrying my backpack. They're singing to themselves, which seems pretty non-threatening. Another guy comes up to me and asks if this is the platform for the airport. I point him to the platform opposite.
After 10 minutes in 36-degree weather, the train arrives. The black guys and I head for the same entrance and I'm thinking, "Well, there's other people on this car, that's good." And I go to get on the train... and one of the guys grabs my laptop bag and runs. The other dude magically disappeared, but I forgot about him, just started running (why yes! he CAN go faster than I can when I have a heavy backpack on!) and yelling 'GET HIM! GET HIM!" One guy at the end of my platform just watched as the mugger ran right by him (thanks a pantsload, dude), but a guy on the opposite platform took off after him. He caught up with the mugger, the mugger stopped, I ran up, and the mugger gave my bag back, mumbling, "I was just kidding." Then he left. I didn't ask his name or try to make him stay there or think to make note of what he looked like or anything, I just wanted it to be over. So he ran off and I profusely thanked my Good Samaritan. It was the guy who'd asked me which track to the airport. His name is Carlos. He told me he thought I was joking at first, and to call 911. He walked me back to the platform (we'd gone a little distance beyond it in pursuit), where both of our trains were coming. I gave him a hug.
As my train pulled up, a guy in a Securitas uniform walked up. I told him what happened, and he got on the train with me and told me to call 911. I wasn't going to, since everything worked out okay, but two people who haven't gotten mugged tonight must be smarter than me, so I did, and filed a report. The Securitas guy sat down by me and told me that he doesn't work for MAX, but the uniform works pretty well as a deterrent anyway. Too bad he hadn't gotten there a couple minutes earlier. He told me that the Gateway/NE 99th station is a bad area and he's been complaining to MAX that they need more security, especially at these isolated stations late at night, but obviously MAX has not provided, for monetary reasons I'm sure.
I got off at my bus transfer stop along with a girl and her boyfriend. They walked with me to the bus depot, where my bus was waiting for me, and told me they used to live out at Gateway and that it's a big drug area. I don't know anything about the outlying areas of Portland and its suburbs yet; I know enough to stay away from Chinatown, but that's about it. I took the bus to my next transfer station and stood there in the cold for 15 minutes, holding onto my laptop bag very securely, the way I should've when I got on MAX - I was just holding it by the handle then. Idiot.
Notes to self:
1. Stop feeling white guilt over racial profiling. You let your guard down because you didn't want to offend your muggers by treating them like muggers. Your ass got saved by a dude named Carlos, so obviously Good Samaritans come in all colors, but you're better off offending nice people than losing your valuables* because you were too P.C. (My next thought, after thinking this, was "Maybe I should donate to the NAACP.")
2. If you must parade around with a laptop bag, hide it from view as much as possible and always hold onto it securely.
3. Back up your data, you moron.
4. Hey, now you've really got a reason to go jogging and get in shape.
5. God, stop being so naïve. Find out where the bad parts of town and suburbs are, or even assume everywhere is unsafe. Consider carrying at least a knife; you'd have to check your bag on flights, and it wouldn't be effective at a distance for someone running away, but it might still be a good idea.
6. Get onto a separate car from suspicious characters, or, if you must board the same car, let them get on FIRST.
7. Fuck taking transit at night. If you fly home after dark, take a cab or make Zander pick you up. Transit ceases to be cost-effective and community-friendly if people are getting mugged because they wanted to pay $1.80 to get home instead of paying cab fare or airport parking fees.
Notes to muggers:
1. Fuck you. You suck. I hope you die.
2. Next time, steal a wallet instead of a laptop bag. It's lighter and less obvious to onlookers/cops, plus you can empty it out while you're running away and ditch it. You can't undo the straps on a Timbuk2 bag and pull out an iPod while you're running.
3. Mugging white girls is not a good survival strategy in a city whose PD is notorious for shooting black men with little or no provocation.
4. I still hope you do get shot, you worthless pieces of shit. I'm annoyed that you got me coming from the airport, when I couldn't possibly have been carrying a gun myself, even if I owned one.
*Actually, if my iPod hadn't been in the bag too, it would've been kinda funny if they'd gotten away with my bag. "Hey, the screen's broken!" Yeah, and it asks for a password too, for all that's worth. Way to steal a worthless machine!