Argh.
I was thinking the other day that I distinguished "anxiety" from "stress" thusly: Stress, at least as I experienced it in the months leading up to my move, makes me aggressive and want to take it out on other people. Anxiety makes me want to go hide in a safe place away from other people. But today I feel both and I don't feel like punching anybody. Yay.
I have these problems, right? And they'll work out okay in the end, I'm sure. I mean, they'll get resolved, though the resolution may not be very nice for me. But right now they are unresolved, so the tree of possible resolutions still has all these branches, and I focus on the thorny branches. Uncertainty kills.
Bad Shit (Partial List)
1. My credit union rejected my second application for a Visa card, so that'll go on my credit record along with their first ding. I had no credit rating before, so I applied for a credit card, and they rejected me because of insufficient credit references, and now I'm starting off on the wrong foot with negative credit stuff. So now I may well have to go to Bank of America and beg for a secured credit card, which means staying with BofA, whom I hate with a passion, but if nobody else will give me a line of credit, then I'm stuck with them. The primary reason I opened the CU account was because I saw that they offered Visa cards; the secondary reason was that CUs are generally less evil than banks. But if I'm stuck with evil, then I see no reason to keep my CU account open.
2. Speeding ticket still outstanding. Spent time on the phone with Humboldt County first thing this morning, going to send in a request for trial by written declaration form today, which apparently I should have sent when I sent in my written not guilty plea and bail check, which I know they received because my certified mail tracking number shows it got delivered, but which the lady I spoke to couldn't find in my file. She told me to call back Tuesday and ask for a particular person, and meanwhile to send in that request. This is such a pain in the ass. I got the fucking ticket on fucking Memorial Day and it's fucking October. But damned if I'm going to roll over and line the State's pockets like the other saps whom they shake down for many millions of dollars annually in uncontested traffic citations.
3. I haven't worked in a month. My two Craigslist contacts got back to me with "we don't have anything for you right now"; one specified that he'll contact me when he does need help, but I'm not sure if the other guy gives a flying fuck about working with me or not. (Solution: Call Brad; cultivate new contacts locally.)
4. Caltrain citation from a month ago. No sign of my courtesy notice yet. My citation slip has a probably-meaningless court appearance date of Oct. 17th, which is the day my car insurance switches from Farmers to Geico, of which more below. I just noticed yesterday that the bitch who cited me misspelled the name of my (old) street on the ticket (How do you spell my name right but spell a perfectly average English word wrong?), which may mean I can get off on a technicality, but who knows. I guess that glimmer of hope is enough to segue into a list I feel I should provide of...
Good Things
1. My dad had the title to my car in his safe, so it's not lost, and he's sending it to me. (But Geico just sent me my policy card and it's under California law since the car's still registered in California, but I need to show evidence of insurance in order to register the car in Oregon, and what if they insist on Oregon insurance, then I'll be in this nightmare catch-22... Just have faith that the insurance I have will be sufficient.)
2. My new glasses are ready and the eye doctor's office is mailing them to me. (But what if they come out with the tint way too dark like the first pair did, which is why I had to send them back and now have them sent to me up here... Just have faith that the tint will come out right this time.)
3. I had fun with Emily and Eddie last night. We went to the Winking Toad bar near my place, drank, talked about our hometowns, and bonded over our shared "stranger in a strange land" newbie Heimweh.
4. 2600 meets tonight. I know Portland's full of hackers, but we'll see what sort of crowd turns out for 2600. Assuming people will show up at all. Maybe I can make some friends.
My problems here listed fall into the following categories: 1. Car-related. 2. Credit. 3. Employment. Solution: sell car, leave country, join peaceful band-level hunter-gatherer society with barter economy. Bonus: Such cultures tend to have nifty body modifications. Score.
I have these problems, right? And they'll work out okay in the end, I'm sure. I mean, they'll get resolved, though the resolution may not be very nice for me. But right now they are unresolved, so the tree of possible resolutions still has all these branches, and I focus on the thorny branches. Uncertainty kills.
Bad Shit (Partial List)
1. My credit union rejected my second application for a Visa card, so that'll go on my credit record along with their first ding. I had no credit rating before, so I applied for a credit card, and they rejected me because of insufficient credit references, and now I'm starting off on the wrong foot with negative credit stuff. So now I may well have to go to Bank of America and beg for a secured credit card, which means staying with BofA, whom I hate with a passion, but if nobody else will give me a line of credit, then I'm stuck with them. The primary reason I opened the CU account was because I saw that they offered Visa cards; the secondary reason was that CUs are generally less evil than banks. But if I'm stuck with evil, then I see no reason to keep my CU account open.
2. Speeding ticket still outstanding. Spent time on the phone with Humboldt County first thing this morning, going to send in a request for trial by written declaration form today, which apparently I should have sent when I sent in my written not guilty plea and bail check, which I know they received because my certified mail tracking number shows it got delivered, but which the lady I spoke to couldn't find in my file. She told me to call back Tuesday and ask for a particular person, and meanwhile to send in that request. This is such a pain in the ass. I got the fucking ticket on fucking Memorial Day and it's fucking October. But damned if I'm going to roll over and line the State's pockets like the other saps whom they shake down for many millions of dollars annually in uncontested traffic citations.
3. I haven't worked in a month. My two Craigslist contacts got back to me with "we don't have anything for you right now"; one specified that he'll contact me when he does need help, but I'm not sure if the other guy gives a flying fuck about working with me or not. (Solution: Call Brad; cultivate new contacts locally.)
4. Caltrain citation from a month ago. No sign of my courtesy notice yet. My citation slip has a probably-meaningless court appearance date of Oct. 17th, which is the day my car insurance switches from Farmers to Geico, of which more below. I just noticed yesterday that the bitch who cited me misspelled the name of my (old) street on the ticket (How do you spell my name right but spell a perfectly average English word wrong?), which may mean I can get off on a technicality, but who knows. I guess that glimmer of hope is enough to segue into a list I feel I should provide of...
Good Things
1. My dad had the title to my car in his safe, so it's not lost, and he's sending it to me. (But Geico just sent me my policy card and it's under California law since the car's still registered in California, but I need to show evidence of insurance in order to register the car in Oregon, and what if they insist on Oregon insurance, then I'll be in this nightmare catch-22... Just have faith that the insurance I have will be sufficient.)
2. My new glasses are ready and the eye doctor's office is mailing them to me. (But what if they come out with the tint way too dark like the first pair did, which is why I had to send them back and now have them sent to me up here... Just have faith that the tint will come out right this time.)
3. I had fun with Emily and Eddie last night. We went to the Winking Toad bar near my place, drank, talked about our hometowns, and bonded over our shared "stranger in a strange land" newbie Heimweh.
4. 2600 meets tonight. I know Portland's full of hackers, but we'll see what sort of crowd turns out for 2600. Assuming people will show up at all. Maybe I can make some friends.
My problems here listed fall into the following categories: 1. Car-related. 2. Credit. 3. Employment. Solution: sell car, leave country, join peaceful band-level hunter-gatherer society with barter economy. Bonus: Such cultures tend to have nifty body modifications. Score.