Just cause...
I feel like I should include an entry today, otherwise the masses may feel soap opera withdrawal. It's like cutting in on a daily dose with a California gubernatorial race update. *Sigh* Or better...
"This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. The broadcasters in your area have designed this test to keep you informed. Had this been an actual emergency, the tone you just heard would have been followed by detail instructions."
A lot of things lately seem like a test of emotional strength. I ran a low grade fever last night...I still have it actually. It scares me. As a kid I used to go into convulsions with very high fevers. In my teens and adulthood the high fevers have turned into low grade fevers with bouts of disillusion. Seriously. Just ask Sonia. She can verify.
In either case, details of the past 48 hours are coming to surface.
I remember Jenn kissed me three times on Sunday. I was out of it. There is no way I would initiated that, yet I feel guilty. She has a girlfriend. I would never compromise that sacred trust. She did. She crossed the line. She seems ok with that, as she explained that from day one she felt tension and always wondered what it would be like. Thankfully she has that out of her system now.
It feels like Arlene redux. A friendship lost needlessly. DAMN IT. Why? Why do they do this? I feel like everyone's experiment. It should be a TV show. The J. Uline Experiment (sic).
Last night I went in and out of delerium. TV shows meshed together...plot lines were all mangled. I was confused. Couldn't stay focused on a damn thing.
Today I spilled a piping thermos of hot tea. FUCK hot!
Everything is non-sequitaur at the moment.
I'm trying to make sense of senseless things but that requires concentrated thought. I don't have that right now.
I feel a loss.
I've been sidetracked.
And there are monsters in my den.
"This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. The broadcasters in your area have designed this test to keep you informed. Had this been an actual emergency, the tone you just heard would have been followed by detail instructions."
A lot of things lately seem like a test of emotional strength. I ran a low grade fever last night...I still have it actually. It scares me. As a kid I used to go into convulsions with very high fevers. In my teens and adulthood the high fevers have turned into low grade fevers with bouts of disillusion. Seriously. Just ask Sonia. She can verify.
In either case, details of the past 48 hours are coming to surface.
I remember Jenn kissed me three times on Sunday. I was out of it. There is no way I would initiated that, yet I feel guilty. She has a girlfriend. I would never compromise that sacred trust. She did. She crossed the line. She seems ok with that, as she explained that from day one she felt tension and always wondered what it would be like. Thankfully she has that out of her system now.
It feels like Arlene redux. A friendship lost needlessly. DAMN IT. Why? Why do they do this? I feel like everyone's experiment. It should be a TV show. The J. Uline Experiment (sic).
Last night I went in and out of delerium. TV shows meshed together...plot lines were all mangled. I was confused. Couldn't stay focused on a damn thing.
Today I spilled a piping thermos of hot tea. FUCK hot!
Everything is non-sequitaur at the moment.
I'm trying to make sense of senseless things but that requires concentrated thought. I don't have that right now.
I feel a loss.
I've been sidetracked.
And there are monsters in my den.