A Brad/Ray manifesto - crossposted from generation_kill
When I was thinking about how to put this together, for a while I wanted to write a truly exhaustive exploration of every single moment in which Brad and Ray demonstrate their trufax love for each other onscreen, an undeniably thorough and convincing manifesto that would dazzle and delight everyone. And would probably have footnotes and a bibliography.
This is not that post, because I realised that that post would take me about fifty years, at my current level of attention span. Instead, I'm going to prance around using capslock and gifs, and I will be handing out shiny handcrafted tinhats to anyone who wants one. Think of this as a party for people who are true believers, rather than as a cogent explanation of why you should be a true believer. (Although you totally should.)
(I should add that I'm using unattributed gifs and caps in a lot of cases, because I'm really bad about saving things with creators' names attached. Please let me know if you recognise your stuff and want your name on it.)
(Also this is image-heavy. I've got image descriptions on everything, if you're using a screenreader, but I'm not great at image descriptions and I apologise for their banality.)
Let me begin by introducing our main players.
This is Ray Person:
[Image description: a drawing of PJ Ransone looking mournful under a tree as half man, half stag, with skirt-wearing skeletons dancing in the background.]
Kidding, but it would be pretty great if it was true. (Also, who drew this? It's the BEST. ETA: clownkid666 on Twitter/Tumblr is the answer!)
This is actually Ray Person:
[Image description: a gif of Ray raising his eyebrows and leering, basically.]
He's pretty much the dreamiest, and I want everyone to know that I am going to make no effort to hide my bias in this manifesto. He likes pina coladas, long walks in the rain, and being seriously fucking competent. Also singing and profanity.
This is Brad Colbert:
[Image description: small and extremely alert white kitten.]
Okay, I slay myself, but no.
This is Brad Colbert:
[Image description: shirtless Brad Colbert smiling and ducking his head.]
They should spend time kissing, because Brad's pretty dreamy as well. And also insanely competent. Which brings me to point one of my incredibly well-thought-out 'Brad and Ray are in loooooooove' thesis:
Point 1: We got your competence kink right here.
Wasik: The media's in on it. They don't want us to know J. Lo's dead. They think it will fuck with morale.
Colbert: So on the CEOI, they have the escorts listed as no encryption, but they're covered, right?
Person: Yeah, you can't do one frequency plain. Doesn't matter on the 113's anyway. They only go to 6. (Episode 1, Get Some)
YOU SEE THAT? Even in the throes of Lopez related grief, Ray knows his shit, and Brad knows he knows his shit. LOVE. ♥
I don't think I need an example of Brad's competency, because the entire show is basically a lovesong to that, but in the interests of symmetry:
Colbert: There are men in the trees. (Episode 5, A Burning Dog)
Yeah, that's Brad spotting ambushers in the dark, because he's AMAZING. *_____*
Point 2: Music pretty much is the food of love.
Everyone knows about the karaoke, so I won't be boring about it. Just one video, I promise.
[Video description: Brad and Ray singing 'Loving You' to each other, occasionally indulging in lingering eye contact.]
BAM. LOOK AT BRAD LOOKING AT RAY. LOOK AT THE LOOOOOOOVE IN HIS EYES. BASK IN IT. I PRETTY MUCH DON'T NEED TO GO ON.
BUT I WILL.
Point 3: Sometimes their hands touch. *_____*
Here are two of my favourite gifs of all time:
[Image description: Brad looming behind Ray, taking binoculars from him with their hands overlapping.]
[Image description: Brad handing the radio to Ray, with TOTALLY GRATUITOUS little finger caressing.]
LET ME TELL YOU that in my head these two gifs in particular start up this whole chain of thoughts about how Brad and Ray are totally boyfriends but just very very good at hiding it when they have to and they've spent this whole deployment way undercover but every so often they do shit like this, just snatching a moment of almost-entirely-innocent physical reassurance. AND IN ADDITION, you can (and I definitely have) watch the entire show through that lens. The Boyfriend Lens. It's a nice lens.
Point 4: Ray makes Brad smile.
THIS POINT IS MY FAVOURITE POINT, because it has a lot of pretty gifs associated with it. Really pretty gifs. I kind of love Brad's smile, and GUESS WHO MAKES HIM MAKE IT?
[Image description: Brad smiling at Ray in the middle of brushing his teeth.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling at something Ray's said in the Humvee.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Protracted eye-fucking, then Ray smiles and leaves and Brad smiles after him.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling at Ray and his pimp glasses.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling in profile.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling at Ray while cleaning his gun.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
Basically, if you are as miserable a git as Brad Colbert, and someone comes along who makes you smile as often and as reliably as Ray Person, I think the only reasonable response is to MARRY THEM, y/y?
Point 5: We got your protectiveness kink right here.
Colbert: I heard back in the rear once they had a plan to push Navy psychiatrists forward to combat units. Yeah, I scoffed then, but if ever there was a candidate to be locked up in the rubber tent, we know who he is.
Patrick: Can you imagine what the doctors would make of Ray Person?
Colbert: Need I remind you he is the best damn RTO in the business? As long as you keep him away from your uglier daughters and your smaller livestock. (Episode 5, A Burning Dog)
I interpret the above dialogue to mean, "BACK THE FUCK OFF MY BOYFRIEND," but that might be just me.
Additional evidence is this moment:
[Image description: Brad looming up behind an upset Ray after the fight with Rudy.]
I would like to make it clear that I don't think this dynamic goes one-way, but also that I can't think of a quick and easy example of Ray being obviously protective of Brad. IF YOU CAN, share it with the class and we can all coo over it! If not, let's chalk it up to different ways of displaying their feelings, and also the fact that Ray can't loom nearly as well as Brad.
Because he's tiny.
Oh yeah.
Point 6: So you like size difference?
[Image description: Brad and Ray standing next to each other, showcasing the seven inches height difference.]
I am going to quote an email conversation with
sophia_sol here, because although I never quite managed to fully incept her into GK, I did get her to watch a few episodes and email me while watching them, which was a hella good use of her and my time. On the subject of point 6, she pretty much sums up how I feel: I DIDN'T THINK I WAS INTO SIZE DIFFERENCE? BUT. I REALLY LIKE IT WHEN SHORT PEOPLE ACT TALLER THAN THEY ARE. RAY HAS ATTITUDE UP TO LIKE SEVEN FEET. ♥
Of course, there is also room in the party for people who are straightforwardly into height difference, attitude or lack thereof of the shorter party notwithstanding. Let's just mention here that Brad can pretty much just toss Ray around, if he feels like it. *______*
Point 7: All that history.
This is one of the big ones, for me, because of moments like this:
[Image description: Brad and Ray during the conversation about Brad's break-up. Brad looks grim and then insincerely cheerful, Ray just watches him.]
They know each other so thoroughly, and they support and complement each other so well, with so much history and quiet affection, and it just gives me SO MANY FEELINGS. Look at Ray's faaaaaaace, the patience and sadness and understanding! Oh. ♥___♥
I seem to have slipped into semi-sincerity by mistake. let us correct that.
Point 8: RETURN TO THE SHALLOWS.
They're both really pretty. WHICH MEANS YOU SHOULD SHIP THIM. Yes? Good, I'm glad you agree.
Let's examine this in more detail. I'm going to cheat and use some pictures of the actors, rather than the characters, but if you made it past the cat macro and the (beautiful) drawing of the PJ Ransone stag-centaur then I expect you'll forgive me.
First off, I know not everyone's into Ray, BUT THEY REALLY SHOULD BE because ugh, he's gorgeous. I could go on for hours, but I won't. Instead, I will present two different flavours of shirtless Ray. (PJ really, but shhh.)
[Image description: a shirtless PJ Ransone leaning artistically against a cooker. His jeans are hanging preeeetty low.]
[Image description: a shirtless PJ Ransone crossing his arms and looking bicep-heavy.]
For the second image,
derryderrydown's commentary was This is why Ray should not be described as scrawny. I, for one, am happy to contemplate this extremely valid point. Contemplation might involve more pictorial evidence. >.>
As for Brad, I'm pretty sure that everyone agrees he's hot like fire. (Although I do know one or two hold-outs, but you guys are objectively THE WRONGEST, so whatever.)
I'll illustrate it anyway:
[Image description: ASkars staring intensely and sexily into the camera.]
Basically, these two examples of absolutely stellar genetics should be together, making the world better through the sheer force of their beauty.
Point 9: they're really horrible to each other.
Person: Technically speaking, Brad, but didn't your biological parents disown you when they put you up for adoption?
Colbert: Point, Ray. I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper-middle-class professionals and nurtured in an environment of learning, art, and a socio-religious culture steeped in more than two thousand years of Talmudic tradition. Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised in a Whiskey Tango trailer park by a bowlegged female whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch a sperm of a passing truck driver.
Person: At least my mom took me to Nascar. (Episode 5, A Burning Dog)
I think we might have reached the root of my blind adoration for this pairing, because that snippet of dialogue right there couldn't scream 'WE LIKE EACH OTHER A LOT' to me more loudly if it had a foghorn. Fuck mutual respect and sweet nothings, BREAK OUT THE HORRIBLE AWFUL INSULTS. IT SHOWS ME YOU CARE.
Point 10: ?????? PROFIT!
I would like you to tell me what point 10 is! What have I missed? What high-points have I failed to hit? Favourite gifs? Favourite droolworthy pictures, favourite moments, favourite things? ALL ANSWERS ACCEPTED.
LET'S HAVE A PARTY. HERE'S YOUR FESTIVE TINHAT.
(There were going to be fic recs with this, but the reccer has had a hectic time recently. BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE YOU GUYS HAVE FIC RECS, RIGHT? Throw them in the ring! We wantsss them, preciousss.)
If you are a member of generation_kill, there is lots more love in the comments over here.
This is not that post, because I realised that that post would take me about fifty years, at my current level of attention span. Instead, I'm going to prance around using capslock and gifs, and I will be handing out shiny handcrafted tinhats to anyone who wants one. Think of this as a party for people who are true believers, rather than as a cogent explanation of why you should be a true believer. (Although you totally should.)
(I should add that I'm using unattributed gifs and caps in a lot of cases, because I'm really bad about saving things with creators' names attached. Please let me know if you recognise your stuff and want your name on it.)
(Also this is image-heavy. I've got image descriptions on everything, if you're using a screenreader, but I'm not great at image descriptions and I apologise for their banality.)
Let me begin by introducing our main players.
This is Ray Person:
[Image description: a drawing of PJ Ransone looking mournful under a tree as half man, half stag, with skirt-wearing skeletons dancing in the background.]
Kidding, but it would be pretty great if it was true. (Also, who drew this? It's the BEST. ETA: clownkid666 on Twitter/Tumblr is the answer!)
This is actually Ray Person:
[Image description: a gif of Ray raising his eyebrows and leering, basically.]
He's pretty much the dreamiest, and I want everyone to know that I am going to make no effort to hide my bias in this manifesto. He likes pina coladas, long walks in the rain, and being seriously fucking competent. Also singing and profanity.
This is Brad Colbert:
[Image description: small and extremely alert white kitten.]
Okay, I slay myself, but no.
This is Brad Colbert:
[Image description: shirtless Brad Colbert smiling and ducking his head.]
They should spend time kissing, because Brad's pretty dreamy as well. And also insanely competent. Which brings me to point one of my incredibly well-thought-out 'Brad and Ray are in loooooooove' thesis:
Point 1: We got your competence kink right here.
Wasik: The media's in on it. They don't want us to know J. Lo's dead. They think it will fuck with morale.
Colbert: So on the CEOI, they have the escorts listed as no encryption, but they're covered, right?
Person: Yeah, you can't do one frequency plain. Doesn't matter on the 113's anyway. They only go to 6. (Episode 1, Get Some)
YOU SEE THAT? Even in the throes of Lopez related grief, Ray knows his shit, and Brad knows he knows his shit. LOVE. ♥
I don't think I need an example of Brad's competency, because the entire show is basically a lovesong to that, but in the interests of symmetry:
Colbert: There are men in the trees. (Episode 5, A Burning Dog)
Yeah, that's Brad spotting ambushers in the dark, because he's AMAZING. *_____*
Point 2: Music pretty much is the food of love.
Everyone knows about the karaoke, so I won't be boring about it. Just one video, I promise.
Click to view[Video description: Brad and Ray singing 'Loving You' to each other, occasionally indulging in lingering eye contact.]
BAM. LOOK AT BRAD LOOKING AT RAY. LOOK AT THE LOOOOOOOVE IN HIS EYES. BASK IN IT. I PRETTY MUCH DON'T NEED TO GO ON.
BUT I WILL.
Point 3: Sometimes their hands touch. *_____*
Here are two of my favourite gifs of all time:
[Image description: Brad looming behind Ray, taking binoculars from him with their hands overlapping.]
[Image description: Brad handing the radio to Ray, with TOTALLY GRATUITOUS little finger caressing.]
LET ME TELL YOU that in my head these two gifs in particular start up this whole chain of thoughts about how Brad and Ray are totally boyfriends but just very very good at hiding it when they have to and they've spent this whole deployment way undercover but every so often they do shit like this, just snatching a moment of almost-entirely-innocent physical reassurance. AND IN ADDITION, you can (and I definitely have) watch the entire show through that lens. The Boyfriend Lens. It's a nice lens.
Point 4: Ray makes Brad smile.
THIS POINT IS MY FAVOURITE POINT, because it has a lot of pretty gifs associated with it. Really pretty gifs. I kind of love Brad's smile, and GUESS WHO MAKES HIM MAKE IT?
[Image description: Brad smiling at Ray in the middle of brushing his teeth.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling at something Ray's said in the Humvee.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Protracted eye-fucking, then Ray smiles and leaves and Brad smiles after him.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling at Ray and his pimp glasses.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling in profile.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
[Image description: Brad smiling at Ray while cleaning his gun.]
IN THIS PICTURE THE ANSWER IS: Ray.
Basically, if you are as miserable a git as Brad Colbert, and someone comes along who makes you smile as often and as reliably as Ray Person, I think the only reasonable response is to MARRY THEM, y/y?
Point 5: We got your protectiveness kink right here.
Colbert: I heard back in the rear once they had a plan to push Navy psychiatrists forward to combat units. Yeah, I scoffed then, but if ever there was a candidate to be locked up in the rubber tent, we know who he is.
Patrick: Can you imagine what the doctors would make of Ray Person?
Colbert: Need I remind you he is the best damn RTO in the business? As long as you keep him away from your uglier daughters and your smaller livestock. (Episode 5, A Burning Dog)
I interpret the above dialogue to mean, "BACK THE FUCK OFF MY BOYFRIEND," but that might be just me.
Additional evidence is this moment:
[Image description: Brad looming up behind an upset Ray after the fight with Rudy.]
I would like to make it clear that I don't think this dynamic goes one-way, but also that I can't think of a quick and easy example of Ray being obviously protective of Brad. IF YOU CAN, share it with the class and we can all coo over it! If not, let's chalk it up to different ways of displaying their feelings, and also the fact that Ray can't loom nearly as well as Brad.
Because he's tiny.
Oh yeah.
Point 6: So you like size difference?
[Image description: Brad and Ray standing next to each other, showcasing the seven inches height difference.]
I am going to quote an email conversation with
sophia_sol here, because although I never quite managed to fully incept her into GK, I did get her to watch a few episodes and email me while watching them, which was a hella good use of her and my time. On the subject of point 6, she pretty much sums up how I feel: I DIDN'T THINK I WAS INTO SIZE DIFFERENCE? BUT. I REALLY LIKE IT WHEN SHORT PEOPLE ACT TALLER THAN THEY ARE. RAY HAS ATTITUDE UP TO LIKE SEVEN FEET. ♥
Of course, there is also room in the party for people who are straightforwardly into height difference, attitude or lack thereof of the shorter party notwithstanding. Let's just mention here that Brad can pretty much just toss Ray around, if he feels like it. *______*
Point 7: All that history.
This is one of the big ones, for me, because of moments like this:
[Image description: Brad and Ray during the conversation about Brad's break-up. Brad looks grim and then insincerely cheerful, Ray just watches him.]
They know each other so thoroughly, and they support and complement each other so well, with so much history and quiet affection, and it just gives me SO MANY FEELINGS. Look at Ray's faaaaaaace, the patience and sadness and understanding! Oh. ♥___♥
I seem to have slipped into semi-sincerity by mistake. let us correct that.
Point 8: RETURN TO THE SHALLOWS.
They're both really pretty. WHICH MEANS YOU SHOULD SHIP THIM. Yes? Good, I'm glad you agree.
Let's examine this in more detail. I'm going to cheat and use some pictures of the actors, rather than the characters, but if you made it past the cat macro and the (beautiful) drawing of the PJ Ransone stag-centaur then I expect you'll forgive me.
First off, I know not everyone's into Ray, BUT THEY REALLY SHOULD BE because ugh, he's gorgeous. I could go on for hours, but I won't. Instead, I will present two different flavours of shirtless Ray. (PJ really, but shhh.)
[Image description: a shirtless PJ Ransone leaning artistically against a cooker. His jeans are hanging preeeetty low.]
[Image description: a shirtless PJ Ransone crossing his arms and looking bicep-heavy.]
For the second image,
derryderrydown's commentary was This is why Ray should not be described as scrawny. I, for one, am happy to contemplate this extremely valid point. Contemplation might involve more pictorial evidence. >.>
As for Brad, I'm pretty sure that everyone agrees he's hot like fire. (Although I do know one or two hold-outs, but you guys are objectively THE WRONGEST, so whatever.)
I'll illustrate it anyway:
[Image description: ASkars staring intensely and sexily into the camera.]
Basically, these two examples of absolutely stellar genetics should be together, making the world better through the sheer force of their beauty.
Point 9: they're really horrible to each other.
Person: Technically speaking, Brad, but didn't your biological parents disown you when they put you up for adoption?
Colbert: Point, Ray. I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper-middle-class professionals and nurtured in an environment of learning, art, and a socio-religious culture steeped in more than two thousand years of Talmudic tradition. Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised in a Whiskey Tango trailer park by a bowlegged female whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch a sperm of a passing truck driver.
Person: At least my mom took me to Nascar. (Episode 5, A Burning Dog)
I think we might have reached the root of my blind adoration for this pairing, because that snippet of dialogue right there couldn't scream 'WE LIKE EACH OTHER A LOT' to me more loudly if it had a foghorn. Fuck mutual respect and sweet nothings, BREAK OUT THE HORRIBLE AWFUL INSULTS. IT SHOWS ME YOU CARE.
Point 10: ?????? PROFIT!
I would like you to tell me what point 10 is! What have I missed? What high-points have I failed to hit? Favourite gifs? Favourite droolworthy pictures, favourite moments, favourite things? ALL ANSWERS ACCEPTED.
LET'S HAVE A PARTY. HERE'S YOUR FESTIVE TINHAT.
(There were going to be fic recs with this, but the reccer has had a hectic time recently. BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE YOU GUYS HAVE FIC RECS, RIGHT? Throw them in the ring! We wantsss them, preciousss.)
If you are a member of generation_kill, there is lots more love in the comments over here.