Thursday
oh i love my friends. all the ones that make me feel loved. i love seeing derek. i love his hugs, and when he talks to me. i love that i will always be alright with him. he freestyled tonight, i thought it was wonderful, although thats not really my thing...
every day i think about you. i think that our relationship was the most innocent i have ever seen. the most nonsexually based relationship i have seen. i think i have just dug a hole for us, and im only hoping we can find our way out of it, whether it be seperate or not. i miss you holding me. i miss all of our little things. i have done something so brutal to you, the way i treated you, but im not sure if it was as brutal to you as to me. drinking and smoking behind your back, always being worried that youll find out and be mad at me, or that youd break up with me. or relationship was once good, but it somewhere took a vicious turn. that was my fault, and im sorry for breaking you. things couldve stayed good and we couldve grown. but instead i messed things up and broke up with you for those things i did wrong. what i did was not right, but i knew i couldnt fix them, therefore, i chose the wrong path. for that im sorry. every day i wonder what we couldve been. where would we be?...
tomorrow is the day i go to the graveyard. i sit and look at the headstone. the most painful thing i could want to do. but it feels like something will be discovered, as it has yet to be. i know i dwell on some things that only hurt me in the end. but i cant fix that...
i had a dream last night that i was with jack and we were watching a movie at someones house. and he was holding me and kissing me on the cheek and it made me feel so good. like nothing was wrong in my life, and all the bad things were forgotten. i wish i could feel that way all the time. so off to bed, for tomorrow brings swaw meets with my significant other...
every day i think about you. i think that our relationship was the most innocent i have ever seen. the most nonsexually based relationship i have seen. i think i have just dug a hole for us, and im only hoping we can find our way out of it, whether it be seperate or not. i miss you holding me. i miss all of our little things. i have done something so brutal to you, the way i treated you, but im not sure if it was as brutal to you as to me. drinking and smoking behind your back, always being worried that youll find out and be mad at me, or that youd break up with me. or relationship was once good, but it somewhere took a vicious turn. that was my fault, and im sorry for breaking you. things couldve stayed good and we couldve grown. but instead i messed things up and broke up with you for those things i did wrong. what i did was not right, but i knew i couldnt fix them, therefore, i chose the wrong path. for that im sorry. every day i wonder what we couldve been. where would we be?...
tomorrow is the day i go to the graveyard. i sit and look at the headstone. the most painful thing i could want to do. but it feels like something will be discovered, as it has yet to be. i know i dwell on some things that only hurt me in the end. but i cant fix that...
i had a dream last night that i was with jack and we were watching a movie at someones house. and he was holding me and kissing me on the cheek and it made me feel so good. like nothing was wrong in my life, and all the bad things were forgotten. i wish i could feel that way all the time. so off to bed, for tomorrow brings swaw meets with my significant other...