burning every bridge that i cross
I hate days where it's like, everything that can make you sad, does. I was awake around 2 am today, watching TeenNick, and suddenly an ad for animal abuse prevention came on. You know, the ones with Sarah McLachlan talking and trying to make you feel bad about abused animals while their pictures flash on the screen and her songs play in the background? Yeah. I nearly cried.
No point in trying to make me feel guilty, Sarah. = / I already do. Between fights with my grandmother, and my mother and her alcoholic ways, not too mention an embarrassing multitude of things that happen to me throughout the day, my hands & heart are full.
In other news:
-My headphones broke : ( That makes the fifth pair in the past three months.
-I bought new ones! But I got mean looks from the CVS lady who sold them to me.
-I sent my transcripts in today...pretty exciting. But the people who helped me were kind of unfriendly work-study students. Everyone was kind of rude today...and I can't really blame it on "Let's Be Mean to Nikki" day, which as cool as that would be, is not a real holiday.
-Talked to my astronomy teacher. He was so cool about the recommendation letter thing. I just hope he writes amazing things to me, like I'll be able to cure cancer and someday I'll hang the moon.
I'm depending on this college thing so much, it is very very scary. Looking back on it, I shouldn't have. I should be preparing myself for the worst result. I should be applying to safety schools. I should be studying for my anthropology test right now. I should be nicer. But that's just the thing, I guess. I'm never going to do what I'm supposed to be doing. What I should be doing. I'm putting myself out there for this one, and I have everything riding on it.
Today was another perfect example on how sometimes I want to grab someone by the shoulders, very roughly, and scream at them not to judge me. In this case: I can't. But I must say: I can't hold it back forever. It will get louder, heavier, and it will need to be released.
I feel low. But tomorrow, I will be the opposite. I will watch a happy movie on disney channel, and I will be okay.
No point in trying to make me feel guilty, Sarah. = / I already do. Between fights with my grandmother, and my mother and her alcoholic ways, not too mention an embarrassing multitude of things that happen to me throughout the day, my hands & heart are full.
In other news:
-My headphones broke : ( That makes the fifth pair in the past three months.
-I bought new ones! But I got mean looks from the CVS lady who sold them to me.
-I sent my transcripts in today...pretty exciting. But the people who helped me were kind of unfriendly work-study students. Everyone was kind of rude today...and I can't really blame it on "Let's Be Mean to Nikki" day, which as cool as that would be, is not a real holiday.
-Talked to my astronomy teacher. He was so cool about the recommendation letter thing. I just hope he writes amazing things to me, like I'll be able to cure cancer and someday I'll hang the moon.
I'm depending on this college thing so much, it is very very scary. Looking back on it, I shouldn't have. I should be preparing myself for the worst result. I should be applying to safety schools. I should be studying for my anthropology test right now. I should be nicer. But that's just the thing, I guess. I'm never going to do what I'm supposed to be doing. What I should be doing. I'm putting myself out there for this one, and I have everything riding on it.
Today was another perfect example on how sometimes I want to grab someone by the shoulders, very roughly, and scream at them not to judge me. In this case: I can't. But I must say: I can't hold it back forever. It will get louder, heavier, and it will need to be released.
I feel low. But tomorrow, I will be the opposite. I will watch a happy movie on disney channel, and I will be okay.