(no subject)
I can't even explain all the ways you devistate me..break my heart over and over again. I've always offered second chances holding on to the little hope of you changing or of life having some miracle way of altering things between us back to a time when heartbreak was out of the equation. It was as impossible then as it is now and I don't want to be that girl that waits for you...waits for you to tear me and my world apart again. I don't know how you find ways to do this..you amaze me really. I gave you everything you could possibly ask for..I loved you sooo intensly and deeply. I put you first even before myself and maybe that's where I went wrong. I compromised my morals and myself to be the girl you wanted, but it's time for me to find out who I am without you. I need to find my place without always trying to add you in. I don't even want to be your friend after finding out all that stuff and you know what I'm talking about. I can't be friends with you. You decieved me in the wrongest way possible...something I would never thought you would have done. I don't even want to know why. I just want you to live with all you've done to me. You've made me into a completely different person and made me worry about things I should never have to worry about. Now, though you're free..completely free from me. No more ties..no christmas or summer visits due...just your living your life completely away from me and me finally being able to live mine. I'm ready to find my path...and I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted. I feel like that girl that I use to. I wish I could go back and erase your name and everything about you from my life, but everything I've ever done up to this point has led me here..to this place when I've realized it's all or nothing..now or never...and I'm left with nothing and never. I want something that's forever and always and I will find it when I least expect it...and for the first time I'm glad it won't be with you. I hope that what you did that night with her was worth it..I hope that it was worth you ruining everything I've ever felt for you and erased the friendship that we had. I know you don't love her and she doesn't love you..actually it probably meant nothing more than a moment of bliss..no deep feelings..but that's what you deserve...that's all you're good for. I don't need you..and I never did. I'm almost 18 and you've held me back from so much. I just want to forget you. Thank you for letting me know what kind of person you are before I wasted any more time. Thanks for shattering my heart in a million pieces..I will put it back together and it will be mine again. You no longer own me like you did before. I know you will probably read this and it was meant for you to read..so please take it for what it is...a plea to stay out of my life and stop turning my world upside down. If we ever come across each other just do what you do best..pretend I don't even exist. I'm so much better off this way.