i dug this pain into my chest
(282 words) // (Pete/Patrick, PG)
for nov 20 2007
When the best thing in Pete’s life ended, it took the second best thing in his life with it.
It also took his heart. It was like a cold freeze - after a week of mourning, Pete turned cold.
He does not need to work; he is Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy, and he has money. He does not need to live in a tiny dingy apartment in a place far away from the home he once knew. He does not need to hate love.
Yet he does. He works at a local shopping mall doing inventory for Hot Topic. He lives in the hard heart of Manhattan, where everything is filthy and overpriced. He hates the couples that pass through Central Park, hand in hand or kissing or simply smiling at each other.
Sometimes his hatred for all who love disappears for a moment, amongst the cold of northeast winters or the heat of Manhattan summers. Sometimes that place in his chest where his heart used to be grows warm and he remembers the feel of Patrick’s hand within his, the feel of Patrick’s lips upon his. Sometimes he remembers what it was like to love, to be loved.
Pete does not love, but sometimes he remembers what love is, and those are the days he misses his band, but most of all those are the days he misses Patrick.
Those are the moments he hates himself the most for ruining his own life. Those are the moments he remembers that without Patrick the world is a shithole, but because of Pete the world is a shithole anyway. Those are the moments when he realizes this is all his fault, anyway.
for nov 20 2007
When the best thing in Pete’s life ended, it took the second best thing in his life with it.
It also took his heart. It was like a cold freeze - after a week of mourning, Pete turned cold.
He does not need to work; he is Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy, and he has money. He does not need to live in a tiny dingy apartment in a place far away from the home he once knew. He does not need to hate love.
Yet he does. He works at a local shopping mall doing inventory for Hot Topic. He lives in the hard heart of Manhattan, where everything is filthy and overpriced. He hates the couples that pass through Central Park, hand in hand or kissing or simply smiling at each other.
Sometimes his hatred for all who love disappears for a moment, amongst the cold of northeast winters or the heat of Manhattan summers. Sometimes that place in his chest where his heart used to be grows warm and he remembers the feel of Patrick’s hand within his, the feel of Patrick’s lips upon his. Sometimes he remembers what it was like to love, to be loved.
Pete does not love, but sometimes he remembers what love is, and those are the days he misses his band, but most of all those are the days he misses Patrick.
Those are the moments he hates himself the most for ruining his own life. Those are the moments he remembers that without Patrick the world is a shithole, but because of Pete the world is a shithole anyway. Those are the moments when he realizes this is all his fault, anyway.