c
tonight i met with a vietnam vet whowas a hobo. i also just cut myself opening a beer with a knife.
Being home from school is nice but i now feel more like a seabass than a shark.
Little Rock.
I say it proudly. We don't fuck around here and it is all coming back to me. The color of blood defies description. Red must be the most powerful color. the color of blood is emotional to say the least.
I wish my thumb would hurry up and clot.
it would if i could leave it alone.
The inevitability of change is the only thing that doesn't. A paradox. At least i know what that is now.
I feel like i have stepped back up coming home, at least i know where i stand now.
The city has changed as have I. I am glad; it is for the best. Things will be different and thatwill make them difficult. Adaptability is a great strength and one i must come to posess.
I ask myself often what use is knowing the workings of the world if one does not apply that knowledge. I wish i had the discipline or the adaptability for it. Unfornately the learning curve is steep,and it is hard to run uphill.
i have never had much stamina.
as i write this i think about comments my social nature defies me. Damn my humantity and yet it is my grace.
It was so hard for me to find a secular expression of "thank god for it" or it is my " blessing".
Blessing is inherently grateful. To me this raises the question to whom am i grateful. language is a representation of our collective concious of our being. I am at odds with the collective along with everyone else. some push this nagging doubt aside and embrace the fervor of human identity. some deny it. What is the root of this conflict.
Man versus society; there are trillions of books because we can all relate.
I am not alone in this struggle even the simplist of humans struggles with it daily in thier subconcious. the arm of society has us all by the neck. every time we see someone, every time we look in the mirror the lightnig shoots through our subconcious searching through what we know and who we have known. we challenge ourselves on how to chew gum.
that is all philosophy and i am drunk so what is the point?
Writiing this reminds me of high school and struggling with frivility. I don't mean to imply i am no longer frivilous only that i have come to terms wiht the reality; i am too much of a coward to go do something better. Maybe after school i will be ready fo somthing interesting. I should go to school anyway. I am just tired of waiting for my life to start.
Honestly i can't believe my acount is still valid. thanks board of directors at livejournal.
alone in my room at 3 i wonder if anyone will read this. It makes me feel good to think they will for reasons that evade me. goddamned conciousness.
What if i were Jesus reincarnate. It would be fun and this time jesus would actually be white. I am sure all the paintings would depict me wrong anyway. Who am i kidding i would be on you tube.
"Jesus reincarnate lights cigar with divinity" the title would read. they would find video tapes instead of scrolls after the holocaust.
I envy the hobo i met tonight. He talked about his camp. Thats freedom. The man survived 3 tours in vietnam.
Some how i feel like i owe him something, to tell his story perhaps, only he did not tell it to me. He told me he knew jerry lee lewis I don't know who that is.
to suprise my self and pleasantly surprise anyone still reading, i have run out of things to write.
Being home from school is nice but i now feel more like a seabass than a shark.
Little Rock.
I say it proudly. We don't fuck around here and it is all coming back to me. The color of blood defies description. Red must be the most powerful color. the color of blood is emotional to say the least.
I wish my thumb would hurry up and clot.
it would if i could leave it alone.
The inevitability of change is the only thing that doesn't. A paradox. At least i know what that is now.
I feel like i have stepped back up coming home, at least i know where i stand now.
The city has changed as have I. I am glad; it is for the best. Things will be different and thatwill make them difficult. Adaptability is a great strength and one i must come to posess.
I ask myself often what use is knowing the workings of the world if one does not apply that knowledge. I wish i had the discipline or the adaptability for it. Unfornately the learning curve is steep,and it is hard to run uphill.
i have never had much stamina.
as i write this i think about comments my social nature defies me. Damn my humantity and yet it is my grace.
It was so hard for me to find a secular expression of "thank god for it" or it is my " blessing".
Blessing is inherently grateful. To me this raises the question to whom am i grateful. language is a representation of our collective concious of our being. I am at odds with the collective along with everyone else. some push this nagging doubt aside and embrace the fervor of human identity. some deny it. What is the root of this conflict.
Man versus society; there are trillions of books because we can all relate.
I am not alone in this struggle even the simplist of humans struggles with it daily in thier subconcious. the arm of society has us all by the neck. every time we see someone, every time we look in the mirror the lightnig shoots through our subconcious searching through what we know and who we have known. we challenge ourselves on how to chew gum.
that is all philosophy and i am drunk so what is the point?
Writiing this reminds me of high school and struggling with frivility. I don't mean to imply i am no longer frivilous only that i have come to terms wiht the reality; i am too much of a coward to go do something better. Maybe after school i will be ready fo somthing interesting. I should go to school anyway. I am just tired of waiting for my life to start.
Honestly i can't believe my acount is still valid. thanks board of directors at livejournal.
alone in my room at 3 i wonder if anyone will read this. It makes me feel good to think they will for reasons that evade me. goddamned conciousness.
What if i were Jesus reincarnate. It would be fun and this time jesus would actually be white. I am sure all the paintings would depict me wrong anyway. Who am i kidding i would be on you tube.
"Jesus reincarnate lights cigar with divinity" the title would read. they would find video tapes instead of scrolls after the holocaust.
I envy the hobo i met tonight. He talked about his camp. Thats freedom. The man survived 3 tours in vietnam.
Some how i feel like i owe him something, to tell his story perhaps, only he did not tell it to me. He told me he knew jerry lee lewis I don't know who that is.
to suprise my self and pleasantly surprise anyone still reading, i have run out of things to write.