Catching up through a vast expanse of time.
The last time I posted seriously on here was back in the fall of 2006. Can it really be almost 5 whole years since I posted a wandering catharsis of words from somewhere inside my mind?
Life has changed a lot in that time. Looking back at life in the fall of 2006 I can say it was a really confusing time for me. I was hoping for things that just couldn't be in many ways. I was ready to take on a lot of things in life but I didn't k.ow where to start or how to take them on. I was more or less chasing ghosts of hope and telling myself that things would be just like I wanted them to be.
I was searching desperately for love, a professional direction worthy of someone with a degree, and for my own place in the world. Little did I know that most of that would be on the way even though it would not take on the form and shape I wanted.
At the time I was working for a reigonal engineering firm helping to get an office started in my home town. The job was really grunt work with no expectation of the real need for a set schedule, and as I would soon find out, the room to grow.
I mentioned several times the desire to become a P.E. and make the climb through the company and become a "somebody" in the eyes of the company. I approached my office manager about the desire to become more than a peon. I was basically told good luck with that because my degree was not technical. A few months later I got word that an opportunity was coming open with a larger national firm and they were open to developing me professionally. Better working hours, steady income, and room to make a career what I wanted it to be. What was not to love?
In February of 2007 I accepted a position in environmental health and safety with Terracon. I was actually treated as a valuable member of the team and was offered professional development from the word go.
About the same time I was searching for a career direction I started talking with a friend of a friend who had lived in town for a short stint before moving back to Ohio. She was going through a rough spell following a called off engagement and needed someone to be there that was impartial. A few visits back and forth and we ended up dating. She had decided she wanted to come back to North Carolina to get away from the situations in her life that were causing some major problems in her life.
I decided it was time for me to make the move and get out on my ow. since I finally had a steady income that did not depend on the weather and she needed to get away from some situations in life so we decided to lease a townhouse together. We moved into the townhouse in July of 2007.
Shortly after we moved into the tow.house I got a phone call that would change my life. My mom's best friend called me one Saturday evening just before we were Goo.g out with friends. All she said was something is wrong with your dad and the medics are doing cpr. I have your mom and we are going to the hospital.
We jumped in my truck and took off to the hospital, but I knew what was happening.... The whole way there it kept running through my head that my grandfather had a heart attack and was gone when he was younger than my dad.
We got to the hospital and Mom was giving me the narrative. Dad was working on restoring a 65 mustang and he had spent the day working on it. He had come to the house to get cleaned up before going out that evening. He had finished taking a shower and went to get a drink before he got dressed and hit the floor.
The er nurse was a friend from high school's mother. We all sat in a room and waited for any news. I don't know how long we were there, but she came in and got us some water and then came back some time later and told us things didn't look good. It was not long before the doctor came in the room and informed us they had done everythig that could be done, and it was too late.
All evening friends and family streamed to the hospital in shock and disbeleif. We decided to go to spend the night with Mom that night. Everything was weekly calm that night when we got home. We made a few changes to things to make mom more comfortable, and then the phone rang. Mom answered and then said hang on a minute. It was lifeshare calling to ask if we wanted to donate organs. For those that didn't know my dad, he was a volunteer fireman for almost 20 years. He always wanted to help people, so of course we said yes take what you can.
The next few days were hard as we dealt with making arrangements and the. the ceremonies themselves. We were also staring down another major landmark, as mom had been diagnosed with precancerous cells in her breast and was scheduled for a mastectony the Friday after dad passed. Her surgeon was days away from maternity leave and she didn't want anyone else performig the procedure. She went ahead with the surgery less than a week later. In the days and weeks following the death and surgery I knew I had to be there and be strong for her.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I was too focused being there for her and being strong that I was not taking the time for myself to mourn and adjust to the new reality.
Not taking the time for myself left me unhappy and I didn't realize why. It took a toll on my relationship and everything but my diversion of work. It took me some tome to realize it and to get things worked out with myself. I am. just thankful she stayed by my side through it all, even when I didn't deserve it.
Life continues on and I eventually got back to normal. The past few years have been quiet and uneventful for the most part. I will update later when I have more time.
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