Heat Vision and Jack
Hey there, Mr. Beard. How many Emmys do you have?I have no fucking clue where I first heard about Heat Vision and Jack. I wish I could remember, because I'm sure there's some more really awesome shit down that road. But anyway, here's the scoop: Ben Stiller directed this pilot episode in 1999 as a pitch for FOX. Jack Black plays a former astronaut who gains superhuman intelligence by daylight, and who travels the country with his roommate-turned-motorcycle Heat Vision, voiced by Owen Wilson. Sounds like an twentysomething guy's wet dream already, huh?
The pilot episode centers around an alien force named "Paragon" who takes over a human body via radio waves, and who then roams the Earth, but whether bent on the pursuit of cheap erotica or mindless destruction, it's hard to tell. Probably both. At any rate, Jack and Heat roll into town, discover the alien mayhem, but are arrested mistakenly by the local sheriff (played by Stiller's wife, Christine Taylor). Unfortunately, this happens at night and so Jack's superintelligence isn't able to save him, so he gets locked up in jail. As soon as the sun rises, however, he gains the power of All Knowledge, and easily escapes- meanwhile, the Sheriff runs into Jack's arch-nemesis, Ron Silver. Yes, the actor. Apparently acting is just one of his more enjoyable hobbies, and in actuality he's an enforcer for NASA. Following the Sheriff back to the jail, Silver finds that Jack has escaped, and becomes very angry.
Jack and Heat find Paragon at a gas station, but Jack is paralyzed by looking at Paragon's eyes, and is almost vaporized. Heat Vision, of course, doesn't have eyes and so runs into Paragon, saving Jack. But unfortunately for Heat, Paragon just pushes him over, and being a motorcycle, that turns out to be a pretty damn big weakness. Then the Sheriff arrives at the last minute, and Paragon runs off. Jack and Heat hide out at the Sheriff's house, where Jack tells her of their origins and the reason for their flight from Ron Silver and NASA. Then, Jack being Jack, he puts the moves on her and gets some sweet lovin'.
Para-gone. Jack... Para-gone. Get it?The next morning, Jack puts together a device to trap Paragon using radio wave feedback, and the Sheriff tells him that Paragon might be trying to get to a local pirate-themed strip club, called the Sunken Pleasure. Paragon, in fact, is there, soliciting sexual favors and disintegrating people. Jack, Heat, and the Sheriff 'crash' the club, and Jack faces Paragon in mortal combat, after borrowing a dancer's top to use as a blindfold and protection against Paragon's eye-beams. Just as Jack has him pinned, Ron Silver walks in with gun drawn, and the Sheriff hits him in the head with the radio wave trap, knocking him unconscious. Distracted by Silver's entrance, Jack loses his grip on Paragon and is thrown across the stage, knocking down a stripper pole. As Paragon advances on him, Jack realizes that the pole has crashed into the audio system, and so throws the other end of it at Paragon, shouting for the club DJ (played by Ben Stiller) to hit record. Paragon is sucked into the audio system and recorded onto the DJ's audiotape. During the final moments of the battle, Ron Silver manages to escape, but his superiors order him to continue his pursuit of Jack and Heat.
As the sun goes down, Jack hands the Paragon tape to the Sheriff, explaining in detailed scientific terms how the signal is suppressed and explaining exactly how to destroy it... until the sun goes down and his intelligence fades, and he just tells her to throw it away. Jack tells her that he can't love any woman for too long, for fear of her being hurt, so they share one last kiss and then he and Heat ride off into the night. As they ride into the desert, Heat Vision philosophizes: "Jack says the earth's shape is mankind's curse, because we can never reach our horizon. I say a round planet is a gift- we can move around forever, find a different horizon ever week. Good night."