Parenting 101

[ljen]

I know you're not supposed to have favorites with your kids, but I can't help but think that there are some exceptions. What do you guys think?

Comments

[tabular_rasa]

I'm not a parent (yet), but I'm sure most parents have favorites. Even if none of your kids is a "problem kid" or anything, I think a lot of parents find that one of the kids is easier to understand or relate to than the others based on their own personalities. (And it usually varies depending on the parent; one may prefer one kid and the other prefers another). Some people just rub you the wrong way and some people are kindred souls, and your children can potentially fall in either category.

I don't think the problem is ever so much just having a favorite, but whether or not you endeavor to treat all your children fairly in spite of it.

[laura_seabrook]

I'll never be a parent for a variety of reasons, and both my brothers had one daughter each, so I can't even talk about favourites from a parent's or aunt's view point.

But, human beings being what we are, is there any set of multiple relations where there are no favourites?

[leeneh]

There's a vast variety of factors that decide who you bond with, in what way, to what an extent, why, etc., and I believe every parent has favourites. I believe that a parent who says otherwise simply hasn't bothered to get to know his/her children as individuals.

I think problems arise when you act on it in bad ways, and treat your children unfairly, or put them up against each other. In some families you'd think it was a fricking competition being the favourite - "Look at your sister, be a bit more like her, and mummy will love you ever so much more."

[frieliegh]

My favourite is... whichever one I'm dealing with right then, whichever one needs me the most, whichever one is sick or stressed or in danger or...

I have three. I love each one of them - differently. I think it's normal for kids to feel that a parent loves their sibling more, sometimes. Sometimes there's some basis for that, and often there isn't. I know as a parent I interact with each of the kids somewhat differently because their personalities and interests are so different. Each of them has had my focused, near-undivided attention at different points of their lives because each of them has been in life-threatening illness circumstances where they needed that focus. It would be easy for one to forget when that focus was on them and feel left out when that focus was on another.

Parents are not perfect. Kids have selective memories. It can make for a bad mix when communication channels are not left open.

[psychopathic1]

i definitely favor one more than another. they both know that are they both grew up alright. fairness is the key.