Happiness and What It Is
What is happiness??
I'm listening to the Ron and Fez Show (Noon to Three, XM 202, Sirius 197) and they are debating what's bringing about happiness to someone's life and everything like that. It's quite the interesting scenario, mostly because I've been trying to find out what makes me happy in my own life.
With my pity-party existence I'm undergoing right now, I often wonder what is going to make me happy and what I need to do in order to make me constantly happy, if only for a short-time, just to right the ship that is my life right now. Thinking back, being home with friends and family and familiar places was the happiest I've been in a while, even if it was only for a week and even if most of the times there were spent drunk. While looking back on it and looking at pictures make me smile, it's not something to keep me constantly upbeat like I need to be.
The obvious quick fix is to pack up and head home and deal with it that way. However, I've got a little girl I have to worry about and what's going to happen with her. I can't leave Kait and be selfish when I need to be "daddy" to her. I'd love to come home and enjoy the company of people I love and people who love me, but when I think about it-- it's not fair to her. She's a responsibility to me now and I have to follow through. Not only that, but who knows what Jackie would put into her head about me.
I'm sure a lot of this is because I'm poorish right now and staying above water enough to hang around. If I had a comfortable living and was able to go out every once and a while rather than be confided into my room because I can't afford to drink or do anything outside of the basic necessities of life like food and toiletries. It sucks being confide to the room and just not being able to enjoy time out and forgetting about life.
It's just another addition to my sad sack life that's going on now. People are saying that things are going to get better and karma will come and be good to me soon....but it may not be soon enough for me to enjoy it.
I'm listening to the Ron and Fez Show (Noon to Three, XM 202, Sirius 197) and they are debating what's bringing about happiness to someone's life and everything like that. It's quite the interesting scenario, mostly because I've been trying to find out what makes me happy in my own life.
With my pity-party existence I'm undergoing right now, I often wonder what is going to make me happy and what I need to do in order to make me constantly happy, if only for a short-time, just to right the ship that is my life right now. Thinking back, being home with friends and family and familiar places was the happiest I've been in a while, even if it was only for a week and even if most of the times there were spent drunk. While looking back on it and looking at pictures make me smile, it's not something to keep me constantly upbeat like I need to be.
The obvious quick fix is to pack up and head home and deal with it that way. However, I've got a little girl I have to worry about and what's going to happen with her. I can't leave Kait and be selfish when I need to be "daddy" to her. I'd love to come home and enjoy the company of people I love and people who love me, but when I think about it-- it's not fair to her. She's a responsibility to me now and I have to follow through. Not only that, but who knows what Jackie would put into her head about me.
I'm sure a lot of this is because I'm poorish right now and staying above water enough to hang around. If I had a comfortable living and was able to go out every once and a while rather than be confided into my room because I can't afford to drink or do anything outside of the basic necessities of life like food and toiletries. It sucks being confide to the room and just not being able to enjoy time out and forgetting about life.
It's just another addition to my sad sack life that's going on now. People are saying that things are going to get better and karma will come and be good to me soon....but it may not be soon enough for me to enjoy it.