wind down/ *warning - possible ackward reading below - read at own discretion*
*warning - this gets 'worse' as it goes along. it was written over like an hour, so, yeah, be warned*
My time in Perth is drawing to a close, and, its late at night, and im in a reflective mood, i guess.
only 4 more days. my emotions are mixed. i do really miss bella, and i want to be with her again, but i feel no homesickness for Canberra. its just a place to study, then hopefully leave... if all goes well.
but, again, ill be leaving friends that i have known for as long as seven and a half years. for the life i lived as a child, thats an eternity, and it probably explains why i am so very attacted to you all. Carl asked, a few days ago over coffee, what reason i have to come back to Perth. its a good question. chances are that most of you, will at some point leave Perth for good, to get jobs, to follow dreams, or simply to get away from perth. i realise that few people cherish Perth the way i do. is it that i have so many great friends here at the moment, and so many memories? its a lovely place, and thats the truth... but with out my dearest friends... would it become as lonely as canberra? chances are that... that memories of times past would haunt me.
its funny, how i almost never met Tim. we only really met and talked on the last day of school at South Perth Primary. what would have changed without that 2 hour talk? i wonder. no Tim, and no Carl, Wesley... that was every tuesday afternoon for... for most of highschool. but... but i dont think, actually that my upbringing had all that much influence on... on the attachment i feel for you all. i only really became friends with Boonie after highschool ended. same goes for Luke and Kevin, and yet, they are no less my friends. i guess i was fortunate to meet these people. what would i have done during lunchtimes at Wesley without Nick and Kyle?
leaving. it hurts. its scarey, and... and it doesnt get much easier over time. it might get worse actually, time threatens... threatens change, threatens loss. i dont mind losing things, but friends are... you bunch are... irreplacable to me. its like when i think about making friends in Canberra... i automatically think of you people... over here, and its like being told, and thinking that it might be a good idea to try and find and form a new family to me. its an insurmountable, alien and wholly unattractive proposal.
most people i guess have a best friend... or if asked could readily identify one... but as long as ive been asked the question... ive never been able to answer. like a mini sophia's choice i guess (well, that may be an over statement :P ).
loss
losing
lost.
its the losing thats the worst. its... its like trying to preform cpr on a person... and knowing that your arms or lungs are going to give out before the ambulance arrives. i sit here brooding and scared, and hurting a bit. jobs, lives, choices, loss. ive heard some people say that highschool friends are the lasting ones... some say uni friends... some say childhood... but i dont know which to believe, so i guess for people its variable. ive always been taught that relationships require maintenance, and a little bit of effort now and then. and from what ive seen, its true.
i dont even know if i'll be able to make it back before next summer. the winter break has been claimed by my parents, but hopefully ill get back either easter... or that other one, the other term break, but i guess it wont be long. ill try my best to get back, show my face for a little bit. i guess that i should resume my MSN habits too, when i go.
i have to go, and i guess that for most of you, or some at least, so will you. its a hard pill for me to swallow i guess. and for someone born in Perth, im unsure of what there is to call its native soms back, so to speak. its just my luck i got all my travelling out of my system all out of synch with my peers. its making things harder that they would otherwise be.
i guess im rambling now, but these feelings sit around for awhile, and i guess writing them down helps, maybe ill but a warning at the top or something.
is it normal to be so attached to your friends? maybe it itsnt... most people have 'friends' and, you know they are fun and stuff. yeah. but... yeah, its more like family, or something to me. so.
so.
nothing solved. nothing changed. and the resolution to this... this part of me is no where nearer, what ever it is to be that happens to my friends.
some many types of love. its rarely remarked upon.
i should stop this before i really start to ramble and disintegrate. its tidier that way.
change. loss. pain. life... oh dear... only 4 more days.
My time in Perth is drawing to a close, and, its late at night, and im in a reflective mood, i guess.
only 4 more days. my emotions are mixed. i do really miss bella, and i want to be with her again, but i feel no homesickness for Canberra. its just a place to study, then hopefully leave... if all goes well.
but, again, ill be leaving friends that i have known for as long as seven and a half years. for the life i lived as a child, thats an eternity, and it probably explains why i am so very attacted to you all. Carl asked, a few days ago over coffee, what reason i have to come back to Perth. its a good question. chances are that most of you, will at some point leave Perth for good, to get jobs, to follow dreams, or simply to get away from perth. i realise that few people cherish Perth the way i do. is it that i have so many great friends here at the moment, and so many memories? its a lovely place, and thats the truth... but with out my dearest friends... would it become as lonely as canberra? chances are that... that memories of times past would haunt me.
its funny, how i almost never met Tim. we only really met and talked on the last day of school at South Perth Primary. what would have changed without that 2 hour talk? i wonder. no Tim, and no Carl, Wesley... that was every tuesday afternoon for... for most of highschool. but... but i dont think, actually that my upbringing had all that much influence on... on the attachment i feel for you all. i only really became friends with Boonie after highschool ended. same goes for Luke and Kevin, and yet, they are no less my friends. i guess i was fortunate to meet these people. what would i have done during lunchtimes at Wesley without Nick and Kyle?
leaving. it hurts. its scarey, and... and it doesnt get much easier over time. it might get worse actually, time threatens... threatens change, threatens loss. i dont mind losing things, but friends are... you bunch are... irreplacable to me. its like when i think about making friends in Canberra... i automatically think of you people... over here, and its like being told, and thinking that it might be a good idea to try and find and form a new family to me. its an insurmountable, alien and wholly unattractive proposal.
most people i guess have a best friend... or if asked could readily identify one... but as long as ive been asked the question... ive never been able to answer. like a mini sophia's choice i guess (well, that may be an over statement :P ).
loss
losing
lost.
its the losing thats the worst. its... its like trying to preform cpr on a person... and knowing that your arms or lungs are going to give out before the ambulance arrives. i sit here brooding and scared, and hurting a bit. jobs, lives, choices, loss. ive heard some people say that highschool friends are the lasting ones... some say uni friends... some say childhood... but i dont know which to believe, so i guess for people its variable. ive always been taught that relationships require maintenance, and a little bit of effort now and then. and from what ive seen, its true.
i dont even know if i'll be able to make it back before next summer. the winter break has been claimed by my parents, but hopefully ill get back either easter... or that other one, the other term break, but i guess it wont be long. ill try my best to get back, show my face for a little bit. i guess that i should resume my MSN habits too, when i go.
i have to go, and i guess that for most of you, or some at least, so will you. its a hard pill for me to swallow i guess. and for someone born in Perth, im unsure of what there is to call its native soms back, so to speak. its just my luck i got all my travelling out of my system all out of synch with my peers. its making things harder that they would otherwise be.
i guess im rambling now, but these feelings sit around for awhile, and i guess writing them down helps, maybe ill but a warning at the top or something.
is it normal to be so attached to your friends? maybe it itsnt... most people have 'friends' and, you know they are fun and stuff. yeah. but... yeah, its more like family, or something to me. so.
so.
nothing solved. nothing changed. and the resolution to this... this part of me is no where nearer, what ever it is to be that happens to my friends.
some many types of love. its rarely remarked upon.
i should stop this before i really start to ramble and disintegrate. its tidier that way.
change. loss. pain. life... oh dear... only 4 more days.