Eff off, RP world.
Okay, it's been a good long while since I've posted anything of note on here. So, I'll give everyone a brief update before I delve into the more pressing matter, the real reason I've actually gotten out of bed to post on this blasted journal that no one ever reads anyway.
Life is okay for me right now. I started riding my bike to work every day. It helps me feel more exercised and fit, and cuts down on the fuel I would have bought, enabling someone else (hopefully someone who needs it far more than I do) to have my take. I've also started applying for jobs in my degree field, rather than staying the status quo. Don't get me wrong, I love working as a travel agent, but it's not going to pay the bills much longer, so I need a higher-paying job here, or a similar paying job elsewhere, where things are more affordable. 52 applications are out in circulation yet to be responded to at last check. So, wish me luck, I suppose.
Warning: Rant commencing...
And now for the meat of why I'm awake and posting on LJ well after midnight when I normally would have been in bed an hour or so ago: I need to get a few things off my chest. It would be too much to expect that everyone the following is directed to will actually read it, but if even one of them reads it and realises it's directed at them, perhaps my mission will have been accomplished.
See, I was having fun running the game I was in charge of maintaining day-to-day. I feel I managed to do some good things which were laying the groundwork for a great game, in terms of allocating administrators, assigning responsibilities, so on and so forth in order to make things more cohesive and less chaotic in terms of gameplay and administration.
So, I go on vacation for a couple of weeks, and when I get back, every last measure I'd implemented was undone by the game's creator. Now, granted, that is within his right as the game's creator, but when I asked for a reason why things had been changed, and why things hadn't been brought up to me before about certain aspects of what I wanted to see done not working or whatnot, I got this as a reply: 'To answer your questions would probably be more trouble than it's worth even if I knew the answers, which I don't, because I don't care.'
You've gotta be effing kidding me. Everything I did for him, and it's all undone seemingly at a whim, with no rhyme or reason whatsoever, at least none that I was deemed deserving to hear. So I did what any normal, rational human being would do: I yelled and screamed for a little at the guy, and I quit. Mainly because I felt undermined and betrayed, and if the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing, all kinds of bad things happen. So I extracted myself, with a few choice words with the man in charge. Needless to say, he didn't care, because he doesn't care about anything. If you cry and whine long enough, he'll listen and give you what you want, whether or not it's warranted, logical, or whatever. Ask the person who I believe spear-headed the undermining. You probably know who I'm referring to, but I won't name names, because I'm better than that.
Well, so I posted my notice on the forum board so all the administrators and players would know I had resigned and was not going to be taking part in the game as an admin or a player ever again. This was several weeks ago, but it was recently brought to my attention that I had been publicly mocked on the same forum board by the game's creator, in relation to my notice posting. Yeah, real mature, I know, but he doesn't care, as I've said before. Needless to say, I'm pissed about that, and I hope someone goes in and crashes the game irreparably. I know that's vindictive and I'm supposed to be better than that, but everyone would be a whole lot better off if someone did it, they just don't realise what a cancer it is to them all. Heck, I'd bring it down myself if only I knew how, do them all a favor.
I guess what really burns me is that the people I hired, other admins that voiced their support for the measures I was installing, saying I was moving the game in the right direction, people who claim to value my feelings and position as a friend, managed not to take a stand, say a word on my behalf, nor do much of anything resembling a sign of support for me as a result of this, save one person (you know who you are, and I can never thank you enough for being the only one who supported me). Is it really too much to expect that people might get your back, or walk off the job with you in protest of something you'd figure would stand as an injustice to them as it has to you? Those of you who did nothing, and that would be everyone save the aforementioned admin, can right sod off, thank you very much, for giving me the lip service you all did. I frankly could care less what you think of me for saying that, how offended you get, whatever. If you're that mad about it, then don't talk to me again, and don't lose any sleep over it, just as I won't lose any sleep over your not wanting to speak to me anymore. If you do continue to talk to me, just don't ever expect me to believe anything you say about supporting my opinions, concurring with my ideals on how people should conduct themselves (not just in an RPG, but in the real frickin' world, too), because I'll know from this experience it's little more than hot air to appease me until I'm not looking, when you'll make your next self-serving move regardless of my or anyone else's feelings.
To the rest of you, those who can't keep your beloved characters dead where they belong without a good reason, those who seem to think that established rules don't apply to you, those who think you can cheat the system and that no one is watching, those of you who have made it a personal goal to make someone's life a living hell because of something they've done or said in-character or otherwise, those of you who manipulate others into giving you what you want either because you like to have people do things for you or you're too much of a bleepin' coward to do it on your own, and those of you who have managed to make yourselves look all kinds of hypocritical in my eyes or otherwise betrayed my trust: I pity you. There's nothing else left to say to any of you regarding the RP world at all. Grow up, turn your computer off for a while, go outside, click 'quit' every now and then. This stupid community is your life for some of you, either because you don't have a real life of your own or because you're too effing addicted to your characters and your precious fantasy world that you've made yourself into a hermit who will never again see the light of day. You won't realise until it's too late how cancerous it is, and one day you'll be in your thirties, still playing these pointless games, when you could have actually had a life that was YOURS, not some stupid dreamland your brain made up.
So, what's the moral of the story, kiddies? Have morals that you can actually live up to. Be a straight-shooter with people, and don't jerk them around because it suits you. If you want to play the games, fine. Just don't get involved with other people behind the scenes, it gets messy and unpleasant, and ruins the experience for everyone. And actually turn off your computer every now and again and do something other than play. Playing for several hours a day is not only hazardous to your health, but you look like a real nerd, truth be told.
I genuinely wish I'd never become an administrator, never learned what goes on behind the scenes, and would rather that I was just an anonymous player, nothing more. With the exception of a select few (you also know who you are), I wish I'd never started talking to people outside the games we all play. It probably would have been better for me that way, but at least through my personal anger and pain I see this online gaming world for what it really is: A powerful addiction, just like alcohol, tobacco, or any other drug you can name, that sucks people into its clutches until it ruins them. Fortunately I've seen it in time, before I lost everything I held dear. And for my money, consider this notice that I'm nothing more than a social RPer any longer, or that I just might fade into oblivion, cold turkey. Perhaps you'll never know, because no one cares anyway what I do in the RP world anymore, a notion which is not lost on me.
Life is okay for me right now. I started riding my bike to work every day. It helps me feel more exercised and fit, and cuts down on the fuel I would have bought, enabling someone else (hopefully someone who needs it far more than I do) to have my take. I've also started applying for jobs in my degree field, rather than staying the status quo. Don't get me wrong, I love working as a travel agent, but it's not going to pay the bills much longer, so I need a higher-paying job here, or a similar paying job elsewhere, where things are more affordable. 52 applications are out in circulation yet to be responded to at last check. So, wish me luck, I suppose.
Warning: Rant commencing...
And now for the meat of why I'm awake and posting on LJ well after midnight when I normally would have been in bed an hour or so ago: I need to get a few things off my chest. It would be too much to expect that everyone the following is directed to will actually read it, but if even one of them reads it and realises it's directed at them, perhaps my mission will have been accomplished.
See, I was having fun running the game I was in charge of maintaining day-to-day. I feel I managed to do some good things which were laying the groundwork for a great game, in terms of allocating administrators, assigning responsibilities, so on and so forth in order to make things more cohesive and less chaotic in terms of gameplay and administration.
So, I go on vacation for a couple of weeks, and when I get back, every last measure I'd implemented was undone by the game's creator. Now, granted, that is within his right as the game's creator, but when I asked for a reason why things had been changed, and why things hadn't been brought up to me before about certain aspects of what I wanted to see done not working or whatnot, I got this as a reply: 'To answer your questions would probably be more trouble than it's worth even if I knew the answers, which I don't, because I don't care.'
You've gotta be effing kidding me. Everything I did for him, and it's all undone seemingly at a whim, with no rhyme or reason whatsoever, at least none that I was deemed deserving to hear. So I did what any normal, rational human being would do: I yelled and screamed for a little at the guy, and I quit. Mainly because I felt undermined and betrayed, and if the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing, all kinds of bad things happen. So I extracted myself, with a few choice words with the man in charge. Needless to say, he didn't care, because he doesn't care about anything. If you cry and whine long enough, he'll listen and give you what you want, whether or not it's warranted, logical, or whatever. Ask the person who I believe spear-headed the undermining. You probably know who I'm referring to, but I won't name names, because I'm better than that.
Well, so I posted my notice on the forum board so all the administrators and players would know I had resigned and was not going to be taking part in the game as an admin or a player ever again. This was several weeks ago, but it was recently brought to my attention that I had been publicly mocked on the same forum board by the game's creator, in relation to my notice posting. Yeah, real mature, I know, but he doesn't care, as I've said before. Needless to say, I'm pissed about that, and I hope someone goes in and crashes the game irreparably. I know that's vindictive and I'm supposed to be better than that, but everyone would be a whole lot better off if someone did it, they just don't realise what a cancer it is to them all. Heck, I'd bring it down myself if only I knew how, do them all a favor.
I guess what really burns me is that the people I hired, other admins that voiced their support for the measures I was installing, saying I was moving the game in the right direction, people who claim to value my feelings and position as a friend, managed not to take a stand, say a word on my behalf, nor do much of anything resembling a sign of support for me as a result of this, save one person (you know who you are, and I can never thank you enough for being the only one who supported me). Is it really too much to expect that people might get your back, or walk off the job with you in protest of something you'd figure would stand as an injustice to them as it has to you? Those of you who did nothing, and that would be everyone save the aforementioned admin, can right sod off, thank you very much, for giving me the lip service you all did. I frankly could care less what you think of me for saying that, how offended you get, whatever. If you're that mad about it, then don't talk to me again, and don't lose any sleep over it, just as I won't lose any sleep over your not wanting to speak to me anymore. If you do continue to talk to me, just don't ever expect me to believe anything you say about supporting my opinions, concurring with my ideals on how people should conduct themselves (not just in an RPG, but in the real frickin' world, too), because I'll know from this experience it's little more than hot air to appease me until I'm not looking, when you'll make your next self-serving move regardless of my or anyone else's feelings.
To the rest of you, those who can't keep your beloved characters dead where they belong without a good reason, those who seem to think that established rules don't apply to you, those who think you can cheat the system and that no one is watching, those of you who have made it a personal goal to make someone's life a living hell because of something they've done or said in-character or otherwise, those of you who manipulate others into giving you what you want either because you like to have people do things for you or you're too much of a bleepin' coward to do it on your own, and those of you who have managed to make yourselves look all kinds of hypocritical in my eyes or otherwise betrayed my trust: I pity you. There's nothing else left to say to any of you regarding the RP world at all. Grow up, turn your computer off for a while, go outside, click 'quit' every now and then. This stupid community is your life for some of you, either because you don't have a real life of your own or because you're too effing addicted to your characters and your precious fantasy world that you've made yourself into a hermit who will never again see the light of day. You won't realise until it's too late how cancerous it is, and one day you'll be in your thirties, still playing these pointless games, when you could have actually had a life that was YOURS, not some stupid dreamland your brain made up.
So, what's the moral of the story, kiddies? Have morals that you can actually live up to. Be a straight-shooter with people, and don't jerk them around because it suits you. If you want to play the games, fine. Just don't get involved with other people behind the scenes, it gets messy and unpleasant, and ruins the experience for everyone. And actually turn off your computer every now and again and do something other than play. Playing for several hours a day is not only hazardous to your health, but you look like a real nerd, truth be told.
I genuinely wish I'd never become an administrator, never learned what goes on behind the scenes, and would rather that I was just an anonymous player, nothing more. With the exception of a select few (you also know who you are), I wish I'd never started talking to people outside the games we all play. It probably would have been better for me that way, but at least through my personal anger and pain I see this online gaming world for what it really is: A powerful addiction, just like alcohol, tobacco, or any other drug you can name, that sucks people into its clutches until it ruins them. Fortunately I've seen it in time, before I lost everything I held dear. And for my money, consider this notice that I'm nothing more than a social RPer any longer, or that I just might fade into oblivion, cold turkey. Perhaps you'll never know, because no one cares anyway what I do in the RP world anymore, a notion which is not lost on me.