Ok...so I've kind of calmed down now...
Ok, so this is how it kinda goes now...
I spend all morning comfused. So I drive to his place jus cause I need to ask him some things. I asked him why he had sex with me, kissed me, if he didn't want to be together with me. He said he only did it so I wouldn't feel cut. I only ever did it because I thought it was what he wanted. After each time it all happened, I always said, "I'm sorry if you didn't want to do that" and he always said "Don't be sorry, I did". I asked him why he lied to me and he said he didnt know.
He didnt want to hurt me?
He apologized because he said he never wanted it to end up like this, and never wanted to hurt me.
I asked him why we broke up. He started to cry and told me how difficult things had been with his family, how disapointed they were because he had sex before marriage and they lost their faith in him and wouldnt even speak to him. He is really close with his dad, and knowing that he'd let him down really confused him and made him feel so guilty.
He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, that it was too complex. I asked him why he even decided to go out with me in the first place... "Because I liked you...I loved you."
Then we just sat there babbling and sniffing and making mucusy sounds with our noses for about 20 minutes.
I'm not disapointed. I'm not sad. I'm not happy.
I don't know what I am.
In a way I feel better that I wont feel used anymore, but I dunno....I'm losing hope.
I spend all morning comfused. So I drive to his place jus cause I need to ask him some things. I asked him why he had sex with me, kissed me, if he didn't want to be together with me. He said he only did it so I wouldn't feel cut. I only ever did it because I thought it was what he wanted. After each time it all happened, I always said, "I'm sorry if you didn't want to do that" and he always said "Don't be sorry, I did". I asked him why he lied to me and he said he didnt know.
He didnt want to hurt me?
He apologized because he said he never wanted it to end up like this, and never wanted to hurt me.
I asked him why we broke up. He started to cry and told me how difficult things had been with his family, how disapointed they were because he had sex before marriage and they lost their faith in him and wouldnt even speak to him. He is really close with his dad, and knowing that he'd let him down really confused him and made him feel so guilty.
He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, that it was too complex. I asked him why he even decided to go out with me in the first place... "Because I liked you...I loved you."
Then we just sat there babbling and sniffing and making mucusy sounds with our noses for about 20 minutes.
I'm not disapointed. I'm not sad. I'm not happy.
I don't know what I am.
In a way I feel better that I wont feel used anymore, but I dunno....I'm losing hope.