037- [Accidental voice]

[wayward_sam]

-sus Christ, it's one thing to get killed in my own bedroom and come back from the dead, but to come back missing some vital equipment was just-

[There's a pause. Well crap, that's why sane people don't talk to themselve; they might accidentally record their mutterances.]

Uh... let's not talk about the past few days. Or the past week, for me. Ever.

Comments

[saved_ur_ass]

About fucking finally.

[This is Ruby more relieved than she's been in probably ever]

[wayward_sam]

Sorry, I wasn't going to announce my return until I stopped feeling like I was going through a freaky version of puberty all over again.

Heard you caught up with Faith, by the way....

[saved_ur_ass]

That was fun.

Yup and she now understands the importance of keeping her hands off you.

[wayward_sam]

Yeah, except without the actual fun.

I'm guessing you killed her?

[saved_ur_ass]

First.

[wayward_sam]

It really wasn't that hard to guess. You don't exactly strike me as the type to give somebody a slap on the wrist.

... you didn't have to do that, though.

[saved_ur_ass]

[Oh goody. He hasn't heard about the torture yet. Now she debates telling him. The whole 'hearing it from her' thing]

Killing her I didn't have to do. I just really, really wanted to because she killed you.

[Pause pause pause because Ruby's brain is clicking and turning]

Torturing her for four days...that I had to do. To make sure she understood the whole leaving you alone thing.

[wayward_sam]

[Here, have a long pause.]

... what?

Repeat that last part. I don't think I heard that right.

[saved_ur_ass]

I figure you're going to find out anyway. Might as well hear it from me so you don't think I'm trying to hide it.

I tortured her for four days. I gave her an out five minutes in. Told her to repeat after me and I'd get her a warm blanket, some fries and start a fire. She told me where I could shove it. Four days later, she took the out.

Not my fault Cherry Pie is slow.

[wayward_sam]

[More pausing because Sam is not used to the idea of people getting tortured because of him.]

What did you make her say?

[saved_ur_ass]

[The pitfalls of having a demon follower?. Cue some sighing from Ruby]

Ruby, I promise to keep my hands off your Puppy.

[wayward_sam]

You have got to be kidding me.

[saved_ur_ass]

Nope and she knows if she touches you again. It'll be a week.

[wayward_sam]

Jesus, Ruby....

[Okay, not the best choice of words, but he's frazzled.]

Is she all right now?

[saved_ur_ass]

She'll be fine. I didn't do anything that she won't heal in a couple of days.

She knew she could go anytime she wanted, Sam. I told her that from the very beginning. She picked how long it lasted.

[wayward_sam]

That doesn't give you the right to-

Look... for future reference, death's not all too permanent around here. I'm not saying I wanna die again, but if I do, there's no need to go dealing out retribution or anything, okay?