In which Dean says goodbye.
When Gabriel returned to the room, he was looking a little worse for the wear. The battle with Lucifer was extending longer than they thought it would, and this was not making this decision easy on any of them. He understood Her reasoning for not tapping Dean right away -- there were people on the Earth who needed him as he was, human and present, but he also knew that they were in desperate need of help that only Michael could provide. They had been holding on to their ace in the hole for too long, but after they nearly lost Seraphiel in the last clash with Lucifer, Gabriel knew that there was only one thing left to do. He needed his brother fighting by his side.
He knew better than to do this without asking, however. And God said that Dean had a choice to make. That this couldn't be forced on him, the way it would be on an angel, because for the moment, Dean wasn't an angel. He was human, and therefore was entitled to his choice. But Gabriel was going to make sure that Dean understood completely what was being asked of him, and that he made what Gabriel considered the right choice. Because in the end, his choice was the right one.
Dean was sitting at the table with Jo, worried and nervous, uncertain, while Castiel was standing beyond them, looking on. He stepped forward, making his presence known before speaking his eyes locking on Castiel. "I need to speak with Dean. Alone."
Dean's eyes snapped up slightly, and his hand tightened on Jo's. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that I need to speak to you. Alone." Gabriel's eyes went back to Castiel's before nodding towards Jo. "Take her back to where we're holding Alec and his brother. She'll be safe there."
"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Jo looked between Gabriel and Castiel, clinging a little tighter to Dean's hand. While Castiel didn't have many expressions, there was something about the angel's demeanor that said something was wrong. Actually, both angels looked tense and tired. It wasn't right and didn't sit easy with Jo.
"Not this time." Castiel went over to Jo and put a hand on her shoulder. The angel was tired, like his brother and had known this day was coming for quite some time. There was a little he could do now to prevent this. "The choice is someone else's now."
"No, wait, hold on a second." Dean didn't let go of her hand. He knew that Castiel couldn't take just her with him still attached so as far as he was concerned, this conversation wasn't happening while he was alone. Because at this point, considering what the angels had done to his brother? He wasn't trusting himself alone with them. Not by a long shot. "Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of her."
"Dean, this isn't something you can just -- "
"No. I'm done with the bullshit. She's not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what the hell is going on."
Castiel looked over at his brother and for a moment considered his choices. He could easily overwhelm Jo's mind and take her away by force, but that would only anger Dean and they did not need that. Instead, without waiting for his brother's orders, Castiel released Jo's shoulder and stepped away, returning to his corner. His choice was to respect Dean's choice. Soon, they would be following his orders anyway.
Jo really didn't like this. She didn't have a real idea of what was going on but it couldn't be good.Still, she squeezed Dean's hand in a silent thank you. He didn't have to let her stay.
Dean relaxed a bit with Castiel backing off and then turned the look on Gabriel, daring him to keep challenging him on this. Gabriel met his stare for a moment, before looking away when he realized this wasn't a battle he was going to win. Giving him a heavy sigh, he shifted so that his hands were on his hips. "Things aren't going well. Lucifer's forces are stronger than we thought, and to put it frankly, we are losing. We're down to our last resorts, and at this point, it's not looking to end well for Sam either."
Dean paused again, taking a deep breath before leaning back against his chair for a moment. "So Lucifer is winning, and you're wasting your time telling me that I can't save my brother?"
"No," Gabriel replied. "I'm here because there is an option you can take and be able to save your brother."
"At this point, it may be the only way to save your brother." Castiel added. He knew how dire the situation was but it was Sam that would really motivate Dean.
"What's the catch?" Jo asked, always wary of any deals or options offered by supernatural beings.
"In order to save Sam, you need to give something up," Gabriel replied.
"And what is that, exactly?" Dean said with an eyebrow raise, giving him a skeptical look. "Cuz I already sold my soul. I'm afraid I can't lose much else."
"You'll need to give up your humanity, Dean."
"What?!" Jo was up out of her chair in a second. "What the hell are you feathered bastards talking about?"
"Joanna," Castiel tried to break in and stop this before it became a fight.
"Don't call me that! And shut up. You." She pointed a finger at Gabriel, "You explain what you mean right now."
Gabriel swallowed heavily, meeting Jo's angry stare without even flinching. "In 1973, Azazel was looking for a special child to be strong enough to break the final seal by killing Lilith in order to set Lucifer free. As a result, he was making deals with various young people that in ten years, he would return for something -- he wouldn't tell them what, but he promised that if he wasn't disturbed, no one would get hurt. Through some twist of fate, he met a hunter named Mary Campbell. He killed her parents, possessed her father's corpse, and then proceeded to kill her boyfriend at the time. Azazel promised her he would bring him back, in return for the same deal he had made with the others. Her boyfriend's name was John Winchester."
Dean paused for a moment, processing all this, before shaking his head. His mother made a deal. What the hell was it with his family and deals with fucking demons? "So what the hell does that have to do with me and losing my humanity?"
"Mary Campbell, now Mary Winchester, was only supposed to have one son, Samuel, born May 2, 1983," Gabriel continued. "After making the deal with Azazel, she prayed for help and guidance. She didn't know just what she had sentenced herself to, but she needed help. So, God asked one of His most loyal angels to make a very hard decision in order to protect Sam. He asked him to cut out his grace, and take his place among the family as a human -- as Sam's brother." Gabriel paused for a moment, letting that sink in for a moment. "You're an angel, Dean."
Well, Jo sat back down at that. It was not what she had expected at all. She was actually speechless.
"It's the reason you were pulled out of Hell, Dean." Castiel admitted. "Giving up your humanity, picking up your Grace again, you'll become that angel. Our brother. You might never be who you are again."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean said softly, burying his face in his hands. This was throwing him for a pretty heavy loop. He took a few deep breaths, trying to digest all of this and make it make sense in his head. "So you're telling me that I was an angel, and then I cut out my grace and became human. In order to protect Sam." His whole life was a pile of angelic bullshit designed to make sure the world didn't end, and here the world was ending anyway. Even by divine design, he couldn't do things right. He was quiet for a minute, before looking up at him again. "So I cut out my grace. Are you saying that I can just fit it back in like a puzzle piece?"
"Something like that," Gabriel replied, reaching behind his shirt and pulling out a vial full of blue, glowing smoke that was hanging around his neck. "I break this vial, and you become what you were again. Become who you were again."
"And who was that exactly?"
"Michael, Dean," Gabriel said gently. "You were Michael."
"The Michael?" When he saw the affirmative nod from the angle, he collapsed in on himself a little more, eyes cast to the ground. "I can't -- this can't be right."
Jo was there by his side, putting an arm around his shoulders as if she could protect him from what he was learning. Dean was an angel. Dean was the angel Michael. She couldn't believe it. Dean was an angel, but Dean was also one of the biggest sinners she'd met. He had been for as long as she'd known him. How could someone be an angel and sin like that?
"We can't offer any proof," Castiel said with a slight sigh. "Not without forcing the decision on you. You have to have... faith that we are telling you the truth and that you are what we have said."
"There has to be something you can..." Jo stopped. There had to be something they could do besides this. How could they ask this of Dean?
"I know this is a lot to take in," Gabriel said slowly. "But we are out of options, otherwise we wouldn't bring this to you to begin with."
"And how do you know I'm not gonna screw this up like I did everything else?" Dean said, looking up at him with angry eyes. "You want to take my life from me for something you don't even know if I can actually do."
Gabriel paused for a moment, closing his eyes and sending out a silent call to someone he hoped could help. Someone Dean would actually listen to. "If you'd like, we could have you talk to someone."
"Oh yeah? Like who?"
"Like me." John Winchester appeared next to Gabriel, using one of the few angelic abilities he'd been given. Seeing his son kicked him right in the gut. God, his boy had grown. He was an old man. Alright, middle aged, but still, his son had grown up and was a man. He had missed most of it too. His bitterness could wait though. Right now, Dean needed him. "If you want, son."
Again, Jo was speechless. John Winchester was palling around with angels. This was almost harder to take than Dean being an angel. Almost. Cas, however, remained unexpressive and unimpressed.
Dean just stared at him, trying to focus on what he was seeing as oppose to just looking right through it. His first instinct was to shy away in shock, or feel that it's not real, but -- there was something about him that made him start to think that maybe this wasn't some kind of trick. Maybe. And he knew that he should say something else, but all he could manage was one word.
"Dad?"
"Hi, Dean." John gave a crooked smile, one corner tipped up higher than the other. "It's really me. Something you have your winged friends here to thank for."
"Your father survived one hundred years in Hell," Castiel spoke up. He knew Dean would understand just what a feat that was. "When he escaped, Heaven took notice. He has been helping Gabriel for years now."
This was too much. Far too much. Dean pulled away from Jo and headed to the opposite corner of the room, away from his father, away from Gabriel, away from the choice that he knew wasn't a choice at all -- this was Sam. If there was a way to save Sam where all he had to do was give up something for him, then it was obvious what the choice was going to be. But -- he didn't know if he could do this. It was a lot of responsibility being placed on his shoulders, and he didn't know if he could handle it.
Gabriel watched him go, before looking over at John, telling him that the ball was in his court. Dean's doubts weighed heavily on his mind, and if there was a chance that John could relieve them, they would be one step closer to doing what needed to be done.
John took a step forward to talk to his son, but Castiel was by Dean's side first. The angel stood next to him silently for a moment, his hands in his pockets and a slight frown on his face. After a moment, he sighed.
"I do not envy the weight on your shoulders, Dean, I truly don't," he said quietly so they wouldn't be overheard. "And there is a great deal I... envy about you and your life. These choices we've asked you to make, these battles we've asked you to fight, what we have asked of your family it is too much. I would give anything not to ask you to do this but this world my father created, this living, breathing work of art, needs you, needs Michael."
He trailed off, looking around and licking his lips. "But, this is your choice. We won't force Michael's Grace on you. You can continue to fight like this, like we have been but I don't think we will win. I don't think we will survive either. Your family's best chance is to take your Grace back."
"What if I can't do this?" Dean asked softly. "Even if I do become Michael again -- this whole plan you had for me to save Sam as a human didn't work. I didn't do it. So who says that me bein' an angel will make any kind of a difference? And what happens if I don't do what you think I can do? Nothing changes, right? The world still ends."
He shrugged slightly, the gesture barely ruffling his trench coat. "Your father can tell you how different having Grace makes you, how far angels are from human. Gabriel might have some scripture to quote or something inspirational to say. I... will say this. If you do not succeed, then we will face the end of the world knowing we fought with everything we had and did everything we could. We will die knowing we did the right thing."
Dean glanced over at Castiel, still turning things over in his head. "And if I succeed, what happens to me then? Do I go back to heaven; do I stay here -- what?"
"I do not know." Castiel answered honestly. "I hope you will be given another choice. Michael needs a vessel, like I do, like Gabriel does. There's a chance, when we've won, he'll leave you and it will be over."
There was also a chance that this war could drag on for decades. Castiel had been with his vessel for years now. He didn't share that with Dean and while he felt some guilt for doing so he thought Dean could figure that out on his own.
"It is your choice." Castiel awkwardly patted Dean's shoulder and stepped aside. He looked at Gabriel and John, then shrugged. He wasn't sure if he helped or hurt but he had done what he could.
Dean's eyes stayed on his hands for a minute, before he glanced over at them. "I know there isn't a choice, really, I just -- " He was quiet again. " -- I still don't know if I can do this."
"You can," Jo said sadly. She smiled at him, even though it was strained. "That's what you do, you know. Impossible odds and somehow you come out okay in the end. You pull it off. I've seen you do it hundreds of times. You've got the Devil's luck."
She stopped and chuckled weakly, "Sorry, guess you've got an angel's luck. I'd put my money on you, Winchester, anytime. Any odds."
"You'll at least try, won't you, son?" John asked. "It's Sammy. We can't not try."
"I know Dad," he said. He was quiet for a minute, before starting to nod slowly, his eyes still not coming up off the ground. He played with the ring on his finger for a minute, before looking up at Gabriel. "Can I do something first?"
Gabriel's jaw tensed slightly, but bit back the impatient response. "What?"
"I want to say goodbye to my kids." Dean managed to put a little bit of force behind it -- not enough to make it seem like he wouldn't do it if he didn't, but enough to make sure Gabriel understood that he was going to have a very reluctant fallen angel if he did. Gabriel considered this for a moment, before nodding slowly.
"It can be arranged. We were going to take Jo to them before the change would take place anyway -- the process can be dangerous to humans."
Dean nodded slowly, before starting to make his way back over to her, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. Normally he wouldn't be this overt with the affection when other people were around, but he didn't care. This might be the last bit of it that he was going to get.
Jo hugged him tight, tighter than she normally would. "Guess it's always the wrong time for us huh?" she said softly, trying to somehow make light of this. "We've really got to work on our timing."
She didn't want to lose him. She didn't have a choice, but she still wanted to tell the angels to go find someone else. They could take someone else's boyfriend. Except they couldn't. They had to take Dean.
His head tilted to the side slightly, and he brushed a gentle kiss to her temple. "I'm sorry." Which he was. Because it had taken him years to get off his ass and when he finally did, they didn't get to have nearly as much time as they should have. "If I don't come back -- look after Sam, will ya? And my boys? Alec and Ben I'm not so worried about, but Sammy -- "
"Not your fault," she said, pressing her face against his shoulder. This time, it really wasn't. She'd be mad at the angels later, right now she just wanted to hang on for a few more moments, whatever they were allowed. "You'll come back. You better come back. I'll kick your ass if you don't."
But she'd also look after everyone if he didn't. "I promise."
"I know you will," he said with a bit of a chuckle, before squeezing her a bit more. "Thank you." He still didn't pull away right away, still processing things in his head. "Look, I don't even know if I'll be able to explain this to them, and I don't know if the angels will either, but if you tell them -- wait till after I'm gone, okay? I -- " He couldn't watch. He'd lose his nerve and he knew it. " -- I just can't. I'm not sayin' that you have to be the one to break the news, but if you are -- wait."
"When it's done, I'll make sure she knows," Castiel said.
Jo glared at him, but softened because she knew Castiel was just trying to help. It felt like she should say something big, confess something. She didn't have an idea of what though. "I'll be waiting when you get back." was the best she could do.
He gave her one last squeeze, before taking her hand and turning back to Gabriel. "Alright. Let's go."
The angel nodded slowly, before moving forward and taking Dean by the shoulder. In an instant, the world had changed. They were in a larger room, one with a long great table and a long chaise off to the side. On it was lying a blond woman who Dean could only assume was another angel, and there was another woman who he didn't recognize right off the bat, but she was -- familiar, somehow. His eyes then wandered over to his sons and he gave Gabriel an apprehensive look.
"How long do I have?"
"As long as you need," Gabriel replied, but the look was clear that that meant within reason, and Dean just nodded, before letting go of Jo's hand and starting to make his way forward.
Jo went over to Ben and Alec, her arms crossed over her chest and her expression grim. They'd know something was wrong just from the amount of angels gathered and the long dead John Winchester standing with Gabriel. Dean would be gone soon. She'd have to find some way to explain it to his sons but only when Castiel returned from whatever was involved in remaking an angel.
Castiel lowered his eyes in the presence of God. He stood the farthest back, as if he wasn't supposed to be in this moment though he had been invited. Now it was on Dean's shoulders.
Ben could feel the presence of the angels coming in. It was like a six sense... seventh? Whatever. But he felt the shift when they appeared and he looked up from the spot he was curled up in. Then he saw his father. "Dad!" Almost instantly he was up and across the room, hugging his father tightly.
Alec had been waiting for this. He'd been working himself up to handling it for a long while now. Bracing himself for whatever was going to happen when he saw his father again, but it was going to be bad. He took in the spread of people suddenly present. He looked over at God for a long moment as he slowly stood. "This is going to hurt. Isn't it?" He wanted to know just how bad before he went over to his father.
She looked back at him, a soft, gentle expression on her face before responding. "I'm sorry." Because telling him how bad at this very moment would go against Dean's wishes, and she didn't want to defy those. Not now.
Dean hugged his son just as tightly, closing his eyes as he held him closer. His last moments as a human, and he wanted to catalogue them all, and then he briefly wondered if he would actually remember once it was over. He hoped he did. He hoped that he could remember everything, because he knew that was all he was going to have. After a moment, he pulled back to look at him, using his hands to brace Ben's face as he looked him over. "You alright? Everything in one piece?"
"No, I'm going batshit and I need out of here. Can we go home now?" His eyes were begging Dean.
He bit his lip. He didn't know exactly what was happening but he didn't need to. "You promise to fix any damage you cause, right?" He needed to hear it again. Needed to wrap the promise around his mind like a protective shield.
She paused for a minute, before looking over at Dean and nodding slowly. Because what was broken would be fixed, but -- some things took longer than others. "But I will have to ask for a little patience."
Dean's face softened slightly, before shaking his head slowly. "Not right now, Ben, I'm sorry. This isn't over yet. But you're safe here, alright? I need you to stay put. For me." Because while he knew Ben was going crazy and he felt bad about that -- he didn't want to worry about Ben getting hurt if he couldn't stop this.
Ben looked at his father and realized he had seen that look before. It was a quiet acceptance... something was going to happen and Ben wasn't going to like it. "No... no I want to go with you. I'm worthless here. Please."
"Okay." He took a deep breath and let it out before nodding again. This was the way things were. "Okay." And with that he turned on his heel and pretty much ignore everyone but his father and brother. Alec was most likely wearing the same look as Dean as he walked over to them.
"Not this time," Dean said soberly, his face faltering for a moment as he placed his hands on his son's shoulders. "This is something I gotta do on my own, okay? And you're not worthless here. You gotta keep an eye on your brother for me." He glanced over at Alec over Ben's shoulder as he got closer, looking back and forth between them. "Both of you. Keep an eye out for each other, because sometimes that's all you've got." And he was dead serious on that one. He knew more than anyone that sometimes all you have was the guy at your back, and little family was better than no family at all.
Ben's eyes widened. He opened up his psychic powers to find the emotional intention behind Dean's words and there was fear and worry. Something was wrong, and he was talking like he wasn't going to come back. "Don't talk like you're never coming back, Dad. She said She was going to fix whatever happened, so you're going to be fine." There was fear in Ben's eyes too. "It'll be fine, right?"
Alec didn't bother trying to pretend. Or even hope much. This, whatever it was, was happening. God's honest truth. He wrapped his arms around his father in a tight hug. "I love you. We both do." He'd never been shy about being affectionate before. Now was certainly not the time to start. "So you have to promise to come back to us."
Dean's eyes wandered back over Alec's shoulder to where God was still sitting at the table. He didn't know what he could promise, and he didn't know who this woman was, but he was starting to have a pretty good feeling that she wouldn't lie to him. She gave him a small smile and a nod and he closed his eyes, leaning a bit more into the hug before pulling back and looking at both of them. "Course I'm coming back. And just become I'm coming back doesn't mean you two shouldn't look after each other. Got it?"
"Alec's got a legion of angels on his shoulders. Nothing can hurt him," Ben pointed out. "But you're coming back." Dean would see that look in Ben's eyes. The just barely holding on. Not able to face what might happen.
Alec wasn't really sure that he could bring himself to look those angels in the eye after what he'd done. What he was doing. After all the repercussions where still rolling in, and adding a couple more victims to the list. But he couldn't change it and now was not the time for a pity party. He reached out and pulled Ben closer to both him and their dad. "He's coming back. Because he's going to promise and he wouldn't break a promise to us." He said it out loud because he thought they all needed to hear it.
"Course I wouldn't. I promise I'm coming back." Dean said slowly before looking over at Ben. "And looking after your brother doesn't just mean making sure he doesn't get hurt." He paused again, placing his hand on each of their shoulders. "You know I love you both, right? Even if I haven't always said it?"
Ben nodded at the bit about making sure Alec didn't get hurt. He bit his lower lip, shaking a bit under Dean's hand. "Yeah, Dad. We know."
Alec also nodded. One hand fisting in Dean's shirt. He knew he was going to have to let go. "We know."
"Good," he said, nodding slowly and watching the two of them for a minute before smiling slightly. "You two were probably the best things that ever happened to me." He paused again, before looking back and forth at both of them. "I'm sorry that I missed everything I did. I'm sorry that I couldn't change some things. But I promise I'm always gonna be there for you, alright? Even if -- things change a little."
"Dean," Gabriel said gently -- not ordering or demanding, just a reminder. That they didn't have a lot of time.
Dean glanced back at him before nodding slightly, looking back at his boys again. "You guys'll be okay. Just take care of each other."
"Change?" Ben grabbed onto Dean's arm. "What do you mean? You just said..." The rest of the sentence got caught in Ben's throat as he felt tears starting to stream down his cheek.
Alec squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to not look at his brother, because in about two seconds he was going to be doing the same thing. He sniffled, and swallowed trying to keep the tears to himself, because it would make whatever this was any easier for his father. So instead he did the only other thing he could think of and threw himself at his father again.
Dean closed his eyes at the hug pulling Alec closer as he let out a shaky breath. "I'm coming back. I said I would and I will. But sometimes things change, and there's nothing you can do about it, but there's some things that won't change. And one of those things is that I'm always gonna be there. Okay?"
Ben just nodded, pulling himself closer to his father, unable to speak as he just put one arm around him, the other around Alec because it was hard to avoid him. Maybe if he just held on a bit longer, Dean wouldn't leave. There wouldn't be this "change" he was talking about. Ben wasn't even sure if he wanted to know.
Alec shifted enough to make room for his brother, and did his damnedest to not start bawling. A few tears escaped anyway. "Okay." But it was muffled by Dean's shirt.
Dean slowly, reluctantly, started to pull himself away from his boys, and make his way across the room to where Jo was standing. He stood there, watching her, before leaning in and kissing her gently, holding it for only a moment, before pulling away again, and heading back towards where Gabriel was standing. He'd just about reached where the angel was standing before God spoke up, pushing herself to her feet again and taking his hand.
"Dean?"
He turned back to face her, watching expectantly, as she gave his hand a small squeeze.
"Thank you."
His mouth quirked up in a bit of a small smile, before his eyes dropped to the ground. "Just sorry I couldn't get it right the first time."
She squeezed his hand a little harder before letting him go, and Dean headed over to Gabriel. He looked the angel in the eye, before nodding slightly. "Let's do this." And with that, they were gone.
As badly as she wanted to cling, Jo put on a brave face. She managed a small smile before the kiss and held her tears in check. He'd come back. He was Dean Winchester and if there was one thing Joanna Harvelle knew it was that Dean Winchester always came back. She'd shed her tears later and in private.
John and Castiel vanished with Gabriel, both without another word to anyone assembled.
Ben blinked when Dean disappeared, then wiped his arm across his eyes. "So that's that then." He pressed his back against the wall and slid down, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Now we just wait."
Alec just stood where Dean had left him. He tried to say something, move towards Ben, anything, but he was suddenly sure that if he did he'd just crack and fall apart. He wondered how much stress they could actually all take before one of them came down with a very real case of the screaming meemees. He wondered which one would go first.
God stayed where she was standing for a moment, before turning back to them and taking a deep breath. She glanced between the two boys, trying to decide who to go to. Ben seemed to have an adverse reaction to her every time he tried, so she figured that maybe trying a tack with Alec might be better. She made her way closer, slowly, placing his hand gently on his shoulder as she looked over at him. "It'll be okay."
That little bit of kindness was all it took. He sank to his knees, wrapped his arms around Her waist, pressed his face to her shirt and bawled. Maybe it would be okay someday, but it wasn't okay now. It wasn't okay at all.
"Shhhhhhh," she murmured softly, sliding down with him so that she was holding him a little more, sliding one hand around the top of his shoulders and keeping him close. "Shhhhhh. It's okay. You'll be okay."
He wasn't really so sure. He'd just watched his life fall apart again. A person could only have to happen so many times before things didn't fit together right any more. So he clung to her and cried.
He knew better than to do this without asking, however. And God said that Dean had a choice to make. That this couldn't be forced on him, the way it would be on an angel, because for the moment, Dean wasn't an angel. He was human, and therefore was entitled to his choice. But Gabriel was going to make sure that Dean understood completely what was being asked of him, and that he made what Gabriel considered the right choice. Because in the end, his choice was the right one.
Dean was sitting at the table with Jo, worried and nervous, uncertain, while Castiel was standing beyond them, looking on. He stepped forward, making his presence known before speaking his eyes locking on Castiel. "I need to speak with Dean. Alone."
Dean's eyes snapped up slightly, and his hand tightened on Jo's. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that I need to speak to you. Alone." Gabriel's eyes went back to Castiel's before nodding towards Jo. "Take her back to where we're holding Alec and his brother. She'll be safe there."
"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Jo looked between Gabriel and Castiel, clinging a little tighter to Dean's hand. While Castiel didn't have many expressions, there was something about the angel's demeanor that said something was wrong. Actually, both angels looked tense and tired. It wasn't right and didn't sit easy with Jo.
"Not this time." Castiel went over to Jo and put a hand on her shoulder. The angel was tired, like his brother and had known this day was coming for quite some time. There was a little he could do now to prevent this. "The choice is someone else's now."
"No, wait, hold on a second." Dean didn't let go of her hand. He knew that Castiel couldn't take just her with him still attached so as far as he was concerned, this conversation wasn't happening while he was alone. Because at this point, considering what the angels had done to his brother? He wasn't trusting himself alone with them. Not by a long shot. "Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of her."
"Dean, this isn't something you can just -- "
"No. I'm done with the bullshit. She's not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what the hell is going on."
Castiel looked over at his brother and for a moment considered his choices. He could easily overwhelm Jo's mind and take her away by force, but that would only anger Dean and they did not need that. Instead, without waiting for his brother's orders, Castiel released Jo's shoulder and stepped away, returning to his corner. His choice was to respect Dean's choice. Soon, they would be following his orders anyway.
Jo really didn't like this. She didn't have a real idea of what was going on but it couldn't be good.Still, she squeezed Dean's hand in a silent thank you. He didn't have to let her stay.
Dean relaxed a bit with Castiel backing off and then turned the look on Gabriel, daring him to keep challenging him on this. Gabriel met his stare for a moment, before looking away when he realized this wasn't a battle he was going to win. Giving him a heavy sigh, he shifted so that his hands were on his hips. "Things aren't going well. Lucifer's forces are stronger than we thought, and to put it frankly, we are losing. We're down to our last resorts, and at this point, it's not looking to end well for Sam either."
Dean paused again, taking a deep breath before leaning back against his chair for a moment. "So Lucifer is winning, and you're wasting your time telling me that I can't save my brother?"
"No," Gabriel replied. "I'm here because there is an option you can take and be able to save your brother."
"At this point, it may be the only way to save your brother." Castiel added. He knew how dire the situation was but it was Sam that would really motivate Dean.
"What's the catch?" Jo asked, always wary of any deals or options offered by supernatural beings.
"In order to save Sam, you need to give something up," Gabriel replied.
"And what is that, exactly?" Dean said with an eyebrow raise, giving him a skeptical look. "Cuz I already sold my soul. I'm afraid I can't lose much else."
"You'll need to give up your humanity, Dean."
"What?!" Jo was up out of her chair in a second. "What the hell are you feathered bastards talking about?"
"Joanna," Castiel tried to break in and stop this before it became a fight.
"Don't call me that! And shut up. You." She pointed a finger at Gabriel, "You explain what you mean right now."
Gabriel swallowed heavily, meeting Jo's angry stare without even flinching. "In 1973, Azazel was looking for a special child to be strong enough to break the final seal by killing Lilith in order to set Lucifer free. As a result, he was making deals with various young people that in ten years, he would return for something -- he wouldn't tell them what, but he promised that if he wasn't disturbed, no one would get hurt. Through some twist of fate, he met a hunter named Mary Campbell. He killed her parents, possessed her father's corpse, and then proceeded to kill her boyfriend at the time. Azazel promised her he would bring him back, in return for the same deal he had made with the others. Her boyfriend's name was John Winchester."
Dean paused for a moment, processing all this, before shaking his head. His mother made a deal. What the hell was it with his family and deals with fucking demons? "So what the hell does that have to do with me and losing my humanity?"
"Mary Campbell, now Mary Winchester, was only supposed to have one son, Samuel, born May 2, 1983," Gabriel continued. "After making the deal with Azazel, she prayed for help and guidance. She didn't know just what she had sentenced herself to, but she needed help. So, God asked one of His most loyal angels to make a very hard decision in order to protect Sam. He asked him to cut out his grace, and take his place among the family as a human -- as Sam's brother." Gabriel paused for a moment, letting that sink in for a moment. "You're an angel, Dean."
Well, Jo sat back down at that. It was not what she had expected at all. She was actually speechless.
"It's the reason you were pulled out of Hell, Dean." Castiel admitted. "Giving up your humanity, picking up your Grace again, you'll become that angel. Our brother. You might never be who you are again."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean said softly, burying his face in his hands. This was throwing him for a pretty heavy loop. He took a few deep breaths, trying to digest all of this and make it make sense in his head. "So you're telling me that I was an angel, and then I cut out my grace and became human. In order to protect Sam." His whole life was a pile of angelic bullshit designed to make sure the world didn't end, and here the world was ending anyway. Even by divine design, he couldn't do things right. He was quiet for a minute, before looking up at him again. "So I cut out my grace. Are you saying that I can just fit it back in like a puzzle piece?"
"Something like that," Gabriel replied, reaching behind his shirt and pulling out a vial full of blue, glowing smoke that was hanging around his neck. "I break this vial, and you become what you were again. Become who you were again."
"And who was that exactly?"
"Michael, Dean," Gabriel said gently. "You were Michael."
"The Michael?" When he saw the affirmative nod from the angle, he collapsed in on himself a little more, eyes cast to the ground. "I can't -- this can't be right."
Jo was there by his side, putting an arm around his shoulders as if she could protect him from what he was learning. Dean was an angel. Dean was the angel Michael. She couldn't believe it. Dean was an angel, but Dean was also one of the biggest sinners she'd met. He had been for as long as she'd known him. How could someone be an angel and sin like that?
"We can't offer any proof," Castiel said with a slight sigh. "Not without forcing the decision on you. You have to have... faith that we are telling you the truth and that you are what we have said."
"There has to be something you can..." Jo stopped. There had to be something they could do besides this. How could they ask this of Dean?
"I know this is a lot to take in," Gabriel said slowly. "But we are out of options, otherwise we wouldn't bring this to you to begin with."
"And how do you know I'm not gonna screw this up like I did everything else?" Dean said, looking up at him with angry eyes. "You want to take my life from me for something you don't even know if I can actually do."
Gabriel paused for a moment, closing his eyes and sending out a silent call to someone he hoped could help. Someone Dean would actually listen to. "If you'd like, we could have you talk to someone."
"Oh yeah? Like who?"
"Like me." John Winchester appeared next to Gabriel, using one of the few angelic abilities he'd been given. Seeing his son kicked him right in the gut. God, his boy had grown. He was an old man. Alright, middle aged, but still, his son had grown up and was a man. He had missed most of it too. His bitterness could wait though. Right now, Dean needed him. "If you want, son."
Again, Jo was speechless. John Winchester was palling around with angels. This was almost harder to take than Dean being an angel. Almost. Cas, however, remained unexpressive and unimpressed.
Dean just stared at him, trying to focus on what he was seeing as oppose to just looking right through it. His first instinct was to shy away in shock, or feel that it's not real, but -- there was something about him that made him start to think that maybe this wasn't some kind of trick. Maybe. And he knew that he should say something else, but all he could manage was one word.
"Dad?"
"Hi, Dean." John gave a crooked smile, one corner tipped up higher than the other. "It's really me. Something you have your winged friends here to thank for."
"Your father survived one hundred years in Hell," Castiel spoke up. He knew Dean would understand just what a feat that was. "When he escaped, Heaven took notice. He has been helping Gabriel for years now."
This was too much. Far too much. Dean pulled away from Jo and headed to the opposite corner of the room, away from his father, away from Gabriel, away from the choice that he knew wasn't a choice at all -- this was Sam. If there was a way to save Sam where all he had to do was give up something for him, then it was obvious what the choice was going to be. But -- he didn't know if he could do this. It was a lot of responsibility being placed on his shoulders, and he didn't know if he could handle it.
Gabriel watched him go, before looking over at John, telling him that the ball was in his court. Dean's doubts weighed heavily on his mind, and if there was a chance that John could relieve them, they would be one step closer to doing what needed to be done.
John took a step forward to talk to his son, but Castiel was by Dean's side first. The angel stood next to him silently for a moment, his hands in his pockets and a slight frown on his face. After a moment, he sighed.
"I do not envy the weight on your shoulders, Dean, I truly don't," he said quietly so they wouldn't be overheard. "And there is a great deal I... envy about you and your life. These choices we've asked you to make, these battles we've asked you to fight, what we have asked of your family it is too much. I would give anything not to ask you to do this but this world my father created, this living, breathing work of art, needs you, needs Michael."
He trailed off, looking around and licking his lips. "But, this is your choice. We won't force Michael's Grace on you. You can continue to fight like this, like we have been but I don't think we will win. I don't think we will survive either. Your family's best chance is to take your Grace back."
"What if I can't do this?" Dean asked softly. "Even if I do become Michael again -- this whole plan you had for me to save Sam as a human didn't work. I didn't do it. So who says that me bein' an angel will make any kind of a difference? And what happens if I don't do what you think I can do? Nothing changes, right? The world still ends."
He shrugged slightly, the gesture barely ruffling his trench coat. "Your father can tell you how different having Grace makes you, how far angels are from human. Gabriel might have some scripture to quote or something inspirational to say. I... will say this. If you do not succeed, then we will face the end of the world knowing we fought with everything we had and did everything we could. We will die knowing we did the right thing."
Dean glanced over at Castiel, still turning things over in his head. "And if I succeed, what happens to me then? Do I go back to heaven; do I stay here -- what?"
"I do not know." Castiel answered honestly. "I hope you will be given another choice. Michael needs a vessel, like I do, like Gabriel does. There's a chance, when we've won, he'll leave you and it will be over."
There was also a chance that this war could drag on for decades. Castiel had been with his vessel for years now. He didn't share that with Dean and while he felt some guilt for doing so he thought Dean could figure that out on his own.
"It is your choice." Castiel awkwardly patted Dean's shoulder and stepped aside. He looked at Gabriel and John, then shrugged. He wasn't sure if he helped or hurt but he had done what he could.
Dean's eyes stayed on his hands for a minute, before he glanced over at them. "I know there isn't a choice, really, I just -- " He was quiet again. " -- I still don't know if I can do this."
"You can," Jo said sadly. She smiled at him, even though it was strained. "That's what you do, you know. Impossible odds and somehow you come out okay in the end. You pull it off. I've seen you do it hundreds of times. You've got the Devil's luck."
She stopped and chuckled weakly, "Sorry, guess you've got an angel's luck. I'd put my money on you, Winchester, anytime. Any odds."
"You'll at least try, won't you, son?" John asked. "It's Sammy. We can't not try."
"I know Dad," he said. He was quiet for a minute, before starting to nod slowly, his eyes still not coming up off the ground. He played with the ring on his finger for a minute, before looking up at Gabriel. "Can I do something first?"
Gabriel's jaw tensed slightly, but bit back the impatient response. "What?"
"I want to say goodbye to my kids." Dean managed to put a little bit of force behind it -- not enough to make it seem like he wouldn't do it if he didn't, but enough to make sure Gabriel understood that he was going to have a very reluctant fallen angel if he did. Gabriel considered this for a moment, before nodding slowly.
"It can be arranged. We were going to take Jo to them before the change would take place anyway -- the process can be dangerous to humans."
Dean nodded slowly, before starting to make his way back over to her, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. Normally he wouldn't be this overt with the affection when other people were around, but he didn't care. This might be the last bit of it that he was going to get.
Jo hugged him tight, tighter than she normally would. "Guess it's always the wrong time for us huh?" she said softly, trying to somehow make light of this. "We've really got to work on our timing."
She didn't want to lose him. She didn't have a choice, but she still wanted to tell the angels to go find someone else. They could take someone else's boyfriend. Except they couldn't. They had to take Dean.
His head tilted to the side slightly, and he brushed a gentle kiss to her temple. "I'm sorry." Which he was. Because it had taken him years to get off his ass and when he finally did, they didn't get to have nearly as much time as they should have. "If I don't come back -- look after Sam, will ya? And my boys? Alec and Ben I'm not so worried about, but Sammy -- "
"Not your fault," she said, pressing her face against his shoulder. This time, it really wasn't. She'd be mad at the angels later, right now she just wanted to hang on for a few more moments, whatever they were allowed. "You'll come back. You better come back. I'll kick your ass if you don't."
But she'd also look after everyone if he didn't. "I promise."
"I know you will," he said with a bit of a chuckle, before squeezing her a bit more. "Thank you." He still didn't pull away right away, still processing things in his head. "Look, I don't even know if I'll be able to explain this to them, and I don't know if the angels will either, but if you tell them -- wait till after I'm gone, okay? I -- " He couldn't watch. He'd lose his nerve and he knew it. " -- I just can't. I'm not sayin' that you have to be the one to break the news, but if you are -- wait."
"When it's done, I'll make sure she knows," Castiel said.
Jo glared at him, but softened because she knew Castiel was just trying to help. It felt like she should say something big, confess something. She didn't have an idea of what though. "I'll be waiting when you get back." was the best she could do.
He gave her one last squeeze, before taking her hand and turning back to Gabriel. "Alright. Let's go."
The angel nodded slowly, before moving forward and taking Dean by the shoulder. In an instant, the world had changed. They were in a larger room, one with a long great table and a long chaise off to the side. On it was lying a blond woman who Dean could only assume was another angel, and there was another woman who he didn't recognize right off the bat, but she was -- familiar, somehow. His eyes then wandered over to his sons and he gave Gabriel an apprehensive look.
"How long do I have?"
"As long as you need," Gabriel replied, but the look was clear that that meant within reason, and Dean just nodded, before letting go of Jo's hand and starting to make his way forward.
Jo went over to Ben and Alec, her arms crossed over her chest and her expression grim. They'd know something was wrong just from the amount of angels gathered and the long dead John Winchester standing with Gabriel. Dean would be gone soon. She'd have to find some way to explain it to his sons but only when Castiel returned from whatever was involved in remaking an angel.
Castiel lowered his eyes in the presence of God. He stood the farthest back, as if he wasn't supposed to be in this moment though he had been invited. Now it was on Dean's shoulders.
Ben could feel the presence of the angels coming in. It was like a six sense... seventh? Whatever. But he felt the shift when they appeared and he looked up from the spot he was curled up in. Then he saw his father. "Dad!" Almost instantly he was up and across the room, hugging his father tightly.
Alec had been waiting for this. He'd been working himself up to handling it for a long while now. Bracing himself for whatever was going to happen when he saw his father again, but it was going to be bad. He took in the spread of people suddenly present. He looked over at God for a long moment as he slowly stood. "This is going to hurt. Isn't it?" He wanted to know just how bad before he went over to his father.
She looked back at him, a soft, gentle expression on her face before responding. "I'm sorry." Because telling him how bad at this very moment would go against Dean's wishes, and she didn't want to defy those. Not now.
Dean hugged his son just as tightly, closing his eyes as he held him closer. His last moments as a human, and he wanted to catalogue them all, and then he briefly wondered if he would actually remember once it was over. He hoped he did. He hoped that he could remember everything, because he knew that was all he was going to have. After a moment, he pulled back to look at him, using his hands to brace Ben's face as he looked him over. "You alright? Everything in one piece?"
"No, I'm going batshit and I need out of here. Can we go home now?" His eyes were begging Dean.
He bit his lip. He didn't know exactly what was happening but he didn't need to. "You promise to fix any damage you cause, right?" He needed to hear it again. Needed to wrap the promise around his mind like a protective shield.
She paused for a minute, before looking over at Dean and nodding slowly. Because what was broken would be fixed, but -- some things took longer than others. "But I will have to ask for a little patience."
Dean's face softened slightly, before shaking his head slowly. "Not right now, Ben, I'm sorry. This isn't over yet. But you're safe here, alright? I need you to stay put. For me." Because while he knew Ben was going crazy and he felt bad about that -- he didn't want to worry about Ben getting hurt if he couldn't stop this.
Ben looked at his father and realized he had seen that look before. It was a quiet acceptance... something was going to happen and Ben wasn't going to like it. "No... no I want to go with you. I'm worthless here. Please."
"Okay." He took a deep breath and let it out before nodding again. This was the way things were. "Okay." And with that he turned on his heel and pretty much ignore everyone but his father and brother. Alec was most likely wearing the same look as Dean as he walked over to them.
"Not this time," Dean said soberly, his face faltering for a moment as he placed his hands on his son's shoulders. "This is something I gotta do on my own, okay? And you're not worthless here. You gotta keep an eye on your brother for me." He glanced over at Alec over Ben's shoulder as he got closer, looking back and forth between them. "Both of you. Keep an eye out for each other, because sometimes that's all you've got." And he was dead serious on that one. He knew more than anyone that sometimes all you have was the guy at your back, and little family was better than no family at all.
Ben's eyes widened. He opened up his psychic powers to find the emotional intention behind Dean's words and there was fear and worry. Something was wrong, and he was talking like he wasn't going to come back. "Don't talk like you're never coming back, Dad. She said She was going to fix whatever happened, so you're going to be fine." There was fear in Ben's eyes too. "It'll be fine, right?"
Alec didn't bother trying to pretend. Or even hope much. This, whatever it was, was happening. God's honest truth. He wrapped his arms around his father in a tight hug. "I love you. We both do." He'd never been shy about being affectionate before. Now was certainly not the time to start. "So you have to promise to come back to us."
Dean's eyes wandered back over Alec's shoulder to where God was still sitting at the table. He didn't know what he could promise, and he didn't know who this woman was, but he was starting to have a pretty good feeling that she wouldn't lie to him. She gave him a small smile and a nod and he closed his eyes, leaning a bit more into the hug before pulling back and looking at both of them. "Course I'm coming back. And just become I'm coming back doesn't mean you two shouldn't look after each other. Got it?"
"Alec's got a legion of angels on his shoulders. Nothing can hurt him," Ben pointed out. "But you're coming back." Dean would see that look in Ben's eyes. The just barely holding on. Not able to face what might happen.
Alec wasn't really sure that he could bring himself to look those angels in the eye after what he'd done. What he was doing. After all the repercussions where still rolling in, and adding a couple more victims to the list. But he couldn't change it and now was not the time for a pity party. He reached out and pulled Ben closer to both him and their dad. "He's coming back. Because he's going to promise and he wouldn't break a promise to us." He said it out loud because he thought they all needed to hear it.
"Course I wouldn't. I promise I'm coming back." Dean said slowly before looking over at Ben. "And looking after your brother doesn't just mean making sure he doesn't get hurt." He paused again, placing his hand on each of their shoulders. "You know I love you both, right? Even if I haven't always said it?"
Ben nodded at the bit about making sure Alec didn't get hurt. He bit his lower lip, shaking a bit under Dean's hand. "Yeah, Dad. We know."
Alec also nodded. One hand fisting in Dean's shirt. He knew he was going to have to let go. "We know."
"Good," he said, nodding slowly and watching the two of them for a minute before smiling slightly. "You two were probably the best things that ever happened to me." He paused again, before looking back and forth at both of them. "I'm sorry that I missed everything I did. I'm sorry that I couldn't change some things. But I promise I'm always gonna be there for you, alright? Even if -- things change a little."
"Dean," Gabriel said gently -- not ordering or demanding, just a reminder. That they didn't have a lot of time.
Dean glanced back at him before nodding slightly, looking back at his boys again. "You guys'll be okay. Just take care of each other."
"Change?" Ben grabbed onto Dean's arm. "What do you mean? You just said..." The rest of the sentence got caught in Ben's throat as he felt tears starting to stream down his cheek.
Alec squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to not look at his brother, because in about two seconds he was going to be doing the same thing. He sniffled, and swallowed trying to keep the tears to himself, because it would make whatever this was any easier for his father. So instead he did the only other thing he could think of and threw himself at his father again.
Dean closed his eyes at the hug pulling Alec closer as he let out a shaky breath. "I'm coming back. I said I would and I will. But sometimes things change, and there's nothing you can do about it, but there's some things that won't change. And one of those things is that I'm always gonna be there. Okay?"
Ben just nodded, pulling himself closer to his father, unable to speak as he just put one arm around him, the other around Alec because it was hard to avoid him. Maybe if he just held on a bit longer, Dean wouldn't leave. There wouldn't be this "change" he was talking about. Ben wasn't even sure if he wanted to know.
Alec shifted enough to make room for his brother, and did his damnedest to not start bawling. A few tears escaped anyway. "Okay." But it was muffled by Dean's shirt.
Dean slowly, reluctantly, started to pull himself away from his boys, and make his way across the room to where Jo was standing. He stood there, watching her, before leaning in and kissing her gently, holding it for only a moment, before pulling away again, and heading back towards where Gabriel was standing. He'd just about reached where the angel was standing before God spoke up, pushing herself to her feet again and taking his hand.
"Dean?"
He turned back to face her, watching expectantly, as she gave his hand a small squeeze.
"Thank you."
His mouth quirked up in a bit of a small smile, before his eyes dropped to the ground. "Just sorry I couldn't get it right the first time."
She squeezed his hand a little harder before letting him go, and Dean headed over to Gabriel. He looked the angel in the eye, before nodding slightly. "Let's do this." And with that, they were gone.
As badly as she wanted to cling, Jo put on a brave face. She managed a small smile before the kiss and held her tears in check. He'd come back. He was Dean Winchester and if there was one thing Joanna Harvelle knew it was that Dean Winchester always came back. She'd shed her tears later and in private.
John and Castiel vanished with Gabriel, both without another word to anyone assembled.
Ben blinked when Dean disappeared, then wiped his arm across his eyes. "So that's that then." He pressed his back against the wall and slid down, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Now we just wait."
Alec just stood where Dean had left him. He tried to say something, move towards Ben, anything, but he was suddenly sure that if he did he'd just crack and fall apart. He wondered how much stress they could actually all take before one of them came down with a very real case of the screaming meemees. He wondered which one would go first.
God stayed where she was standing for a moment, before turning back to them and taking a deep breath. She glanced between the two boys, trying to decide who to go to. Ben seemed to have an adverse reaction to her every time he tried, so she figured that maybe trying a tack with Alec might be better. She made her way closer, slowly, placing his hand gently on his shoulder as she looked over at him. "It'll be okay."
That little bit of kindness was all it took. He sank to his knees, wrapped his arms around Her waist, pressed his face to her shirt and bawled. Maybe it would be okay someday, but it wasn't okay now. It wasn't okay at all.
"Shhhhhhh," she murmured softly, sliding down with him so that she was holding him a little more, sliding one hand around the top of his shoulders and keeping him close. "Shhhhhh. It's okay. You'll be okay."
He wasn't really so sure. He'd just watched his life fall apart again. A person could only have to happen so many times before things didn't fit together right any more. So he clung to her and cried.