In Which Ben spends some time with Dean...
After dinner, Ben sat out on the porch overlooking the bayou. He had asked his father to come outside and talk with him, and now Ben wasn't even sure he knew what to say to him. It was just the fear - the small chance he might lose everything - that just made him want to have this moment with Dean.
For himself? Yes. But maybe to give it to Dean as well.
Either way, Ben wanted to have a moment with his father and hoped that he could overcome the anger that sometimes came up when he was around his father. It got stronger day by day and the vacation had helped ease it away but Ben had felt it edging back on the trip from Jersey to here and he was really looking forward to it being gone again.
Dean got roped into dish duty once dinner was finished, but as soon as that was over, he made his way out onto the porch to find Ben. He wasn't sure exactly what Ben wanted to talk to him about, but that really didn't matter. Dean was just happy to spend time with him if that was all he wanted, and talking with people was one of the few things Dean could do without getting anyone into trouble -- with the exception of maybe himself. Pausing for a moment, he pushed the screen door open and made his way outside, sitting down in the chair next to his son with a heavy sigh.
"Got something on your mind?"
Ben chuckled a bit. "That's funny." He looked over at his father. "A lot actually. Not all of it's good either, given the current situation."
Dean paused for a minute, before nodding slowly. "Yeah, well -- hopefully things'll turn out good for once." Knowing his luck, that might be a bit too much to ask, but hey -- guy could dream, right?
"I'm hoping so too. It's going to be very nice being able to know what's what and being rid of the last bits of Meg in me." He looked at his father. "But I just wanted to spend some time with you. In case..."
"Things go screwy and you forget some stuff?" Dean suggested, refusing to jump to the worst possible conclusion on that one.
"Or all stuff." Turning around, he hopped up on the rail of the porch, turning to lean against a support beam and be able to see his father. "I highly doubt it'll happen, but knowing our luck, it's always a possibility."
"Dude, I'm like the poster child for Murphy's law," Dean said softly, rubbing his eyes. "But I'm hoping that it doesn't come down to that either."
"I've also been doing some thinking, and once this is done... I don't want to be involved in the hunting or the demon army anymore. I want out." He watched his father carefully, gauging his reaction. After all, it was a family business, and Ben knew the stories of the fights Sam and his father had when Sam decided he wanted out to go to college.
And that felt like a two ton weight had been lifted off Dean's shoulders, and Ben could probably feel it. Not that he wouldn't have loved having Ben in the family business, but he could always tell that it wasn't what he wanted, and Dean wasn't about to force this job on anyone. He was especially happy to hear that he was getting out of that demon army crap, because he never wanted that for Ben in the first place. He looked up at him with a small smile, before nodding. "Okay. If that's what you want to do, then go ahead." He paused for a minute, before looking up at him. "But don't think that because you're out you can be stupid about it -- still know how to protect yourself."
"I'm well aware that I can never fully leave the world, Dad. I'm a Winchester, after all." He smiled though in return, glad to see his father was happy about it. "I was actually thinking about taking some of my trust fund money and going to college like Mom wanted me to. Maybe get an engineering or a business degree, then work to open my own garage or something."
"Sounds like a good plan," Dean said with a nod. "Any idea as to where you're looking to go?"
"Not really sure yet. I'm thinking I could find a place in Seattle, but I'm not sure if there are any good colleges left there. Otherwise look around Colorado or South Dakota. That way I can have a group of people around to have my back if something happens." Because something always did happen. "And on holidays and stuff I can drive back or go find Anna, depending on the length of the vacation and her proximity to me."
Dean nodded. "We could probably look at places on the way to wherever we're heading next -- just to see what there is."
"We could go on one of those little college tour weekends. You can hit on all the moms while I'm looking at the schools." Ben smirked a bit.
Dean chuckled slightly. "As fun as that sounds, I think I'll pass. At least on hitting on the moms. That could get me into trouble."
"Why do you think I didn't say I would be hitting on the daughters." Ben smiled to himself a bit, looking out over the bayou. It was the first time he had said aloud to anyone in his family something in the way that he was taken. The friendship and protectiveness for Anna had always been there.
Dean arched an eyebrow slightly, but chose not to comment on that. He had pretty much seen it coming anyway. "I think for both our sakes, it'd probably be a good idea if we kept it strictly academic."
Ben smiled a bit more, the tips of his ears turning red in a blush. "Best idea." He thought for a moment. "Just so you know, if anything does happen, I um... I wrote a letter with a bunch of information you might need. Bank accounts, things like that."
"Give it to me before you go under," Dean said slowly. "That way if everything goes smoothly, I don't have to worry about it."
"Sure thing." He looked at Dean a moment. "I was wondering something, Dad. I know you weren't expecting me or Alec in your life, and it's been a rough year. But I just wanted to know if my coming to find you really was worth it to you. I know it had to throw your life in a loop..."
"Of course it was worth it," Dean said, before shrugging slightly. "Yeah, a lot of bad things happened, but I got a lot back because of it too, as well as a lot of things I didn't think I was ever going to have. So yeah -- pretty damn worth it."
"Good. I was afraid that maybe I really wasn't the kind of kid you'd have wanted. I'm not a fighter like Alec..."
"Hey -- I never said I wanted a warrior as a kid." That was how he was raised, and well -- he wasn't really all that happy. "You're good just the way you are. I wouldn't have wanted my kids raised in this life anyway -- it never leads to anything good."
"That's not true. You, Sam, Bobby... you're all good." Ben leaned closer. "I just want you to know that I'm glad I came to find you. Even with everything that happened -- and I mean everything -- I wouldn't trade it if it meant I wouldn't have what I have now."
"Me either," Dean nodded, before getting up and placing a hand on Ben's shoulder. "I'd do it all again if I had to. Even the dying thing."
"I couldn't have asked for a better father."
Dean smirked slightly, sliding an arm around his shoulders. "You say that now. If I'd actually been around when you were growing up? I would have gotten to you into so much trouble with your mom."
"You were around a week and you got me grounded. My mom didn't care if the next day I was kidnapped by a changeling, I STILL had no TV for a week because you told me to kick Ryan in the nuts." Ben smirked.
"See what I mean?" Dean laughed. "You probably were better off without me around."
"I guess that's something we'll never really know."
"Guess so," Dean said with a nod. "But I'm glad you tracked me down. I think my year would have turned out a lot worse if you hadn't."
"And if I didn't track you down, i wouldn't have met Anna either. Or Alec. And I don't want to think about not having them in my life either."
"So -- for all the blood, sweat and tears, I think things turned out pretty well."
"I agree." Ben licked his lips. "I didn't want to go into this without you knowing that. And if something happens to me tomorrow, it's not your fault. It's not Angeline's either. "It's Meg's. And I'm leaving notice with Alec to hit you hard if you even think of blaming yourself for it. Alright?"
"Fair enough," Dean said with a slight chuckle. "But the bad's not gonna happen."
Ben looked at his father, then he nodded. "Everything's gonna be fine."
"Yup," Dean nodded, tightening his arm around Ben's shoulders. "Everything's gonna be fine."
It was a moment's idea, and Ben went with it. He got up, wrapping his arms around his father a moment and holding him close.
Dean was caught slightly off guard, but relaxed into the hug after a moment, moving his hands to rub Ben's back lightly.
Ben leaned in for a moment, enjoying the hug from his father. They were few and far between, but he made sure when he got one, he cherished it. The one thing his mom had always been free on giving him was hugs, even at the ages where he hadn't wanted them. Knowing how hard it was for Dean to give one... that make them just as special.
Then he pulled himself away, clearing his throat and looking away. No chick flick moments was the big rule in the house, after all. "I should go check on Alec, then Anna."
"Okay," Dean nodded. "Alec needs anything, lemme know."
"I will." He started for the door, then stopped. "I love you, Dad."
"Love you, too," Dean said, giving him a small smile.
Ben smiled back, then ducked inside, leaving Dean alone on the porch.
Dean took a deep breath, turning his eyes back out to the bayou and staring into the darkness for a moment. This better go well. After everything thing they've been through in the last few months, this better go really fucking well.
For himself? Yes. But maybe to give it to Dean as well.
Either way, Ben wanted to have a moment with his father and hoped that he could overcome the anger that sometimes came up when he was around his father. It got stronger day by day and the vacation had helped ease it away but Ben had felt it edging back on the trip from Jersey to here and he was really looking forward to it being gone again.
Dean got roped into dish duty once dinner was finished, but as soon as that was over, he made his way out onto the porch to find Ben. He wasn't sure exactly what Ben wanted to talk to him about, but that really didn't matter. Dean was just happy to spend time with him if that was all he wanted, and talking with people was one of the few things Dean could do without getting anyone into trouble -- with the exception of maybe himself. Pausing for a moment, he pushed the screen door open and made his way outside, sitting down in the chair next to his son with a heavy sigh.
"Got something on your mind?"
Ben chuckled a bit. "That's funny." He looked over at his father. "A lot actually. Not all of it's good either, given the current situation."
Dean paused for a minute, before nodding slowly. "Yeah, well -- hopefully things'll turn out good for once." Knowing his luck, that might be a bit too much to ask, but hey -- guy could dream, right?
"I'm hoping so too. It's going to be very nice being able to know what's what and being rid of the last bits of Meg in me." He looked at his father. "But I just wanted to spend some time with you. In case..."
"Things go screwy and you forget some stuff?" Dean suggested, refusing to jump to the worst possible conclusion on that one.
"Or all stuff." Turning around, he hopped up on the rail of the porch, turning to lean against a support beam and be able to see his father. "I highly doubt it'll happen, but knowing our luck, it's always a possibility."
"Dude, I'm like the poster child for Murphy's law," Dean said softly, rubbing his eyes. "But I'm hoping that it doesn't come down to that either."
"I've also been doing some thinking, and once this is done... I don't want to be involved in the hunting or the demon army anymore. I want out." He watched his father carefully, gauging his reaction. After all, it was a family business, and Ben knew the stories of the fights Sam and his father had when Sam decided he wanted out to go to college.
And that felt like a two ton weight had been lifted off Dean's shoulders, and Ben could probably feel it. Not that he wouldn't have loved having Ben in the family business, but he could always tell that it wasn't what he wanted, and Dean wasn't about to force this job on anyone. He was especially happy to hear that he was getting out of that demon army crap, because he never wanted that for Ben in the first place. He looked up at him with a small smile, before nodding. "Okay. If that's what you want to do, then go ahead." He paused for a minute, before looking up at him. "But don't think that because you're out you can be stupid about it -- still know how to protect yourself."
"I'm well aware that I can never fully leave the world, Dad. I'm a Winchester, after all." He smiled though in return, glad to see his father was happy about it. "I was actually thinking about taking some of my trust fund money and going to college like Mom wanted me to. Maybe get an engineering or a business degree, then work to open my own garage or something."
"Sounds like a good plan," Dean said with a nod. "Any idea as to where you're looking to go?"
"Not really sure yet. I'm thinking I could find a place in Seattle, but I'm not sure if there are any good colleges left there. Otherwise look around Colorado or South Dakota. That way I can have a group of people around to have my back if something happens." Because something always did happen. "And on holidays and stuff I can drive back or go find Anna, depending on the length of the vacation and her proximity to me."
Dean nodded. "We could probably look at places on the way to wherever we're heading next -- just to see what there is."
"We could go on one of those little college tour weekends. You can hit on all the moms while I'm looking at the schools." Ben smirked a bit.
Dean chuckled slightly. "As fun as that sounds, I think I'll pass. At least on hitting on the moms. That could get me into trouble."
"Why do you think I didn't say I would be hitting on the daughters." Ben smiled to himself a bit, looking out over the bayou. It was the first time he had said aloud to anyone in his family something in the way that he was taken. The friendship and protectiveness for Anna had always been there.
Dean arched an eyebrow slightly, but chose not to comment on that. He had pretty much seen it coming anyway. "I think for both our sakes, it'd probably be a good idea if we kept it strictly academic."
Ben smiled a bit more, the tips of his ears turning red in a blush. "Best idea." He thought for a moment. "Just so you know, if anything does happen, I um... I wrote a letter with a bunch of information you might need. Bank accounts, things like that."
"Give it to me before you go under," Dean said slowly. "That way if everything goes smoothly, I don't have to worry about it."
"Sure thing." He looked at Dean a moment. "I was wondering something, Dad. I know you weren't expecting me or Alec in your life, and it's been a rough year. But I just wanted to know if my coming to find you really was worth it to you. I know it had to throw your life in a loop..."
"Of course it was worth it," Dean said, before shrugging slightly. "Yeah, a lot of bad things happened, but I got a lot back because of it too, as well as a lot of things I didn't think I was ever going to have. So yeah -- pretty damn worth it."
"Good. I was afraid that maybe I really wasn't the kind of kid you'd have wanted. I'm not a fighter like Alec..."
"Hey -- I never said I wanted a warrior as a kid." That was how he was raised, and well -- he wasn't really all that happy. "You're good just the way you are. I wouldn't have wanted my kids raised in this life anyway -- it never leads to anything good."
"That's not true. You, Sam, Bobby... you're all good." Ben leaned closer. "I just want you to know that I'm glad I came to find you. Even with everything that happened -- and I mean everything -- I wouldn't trade it if it meant I wouldn't have what I have now."
"Me either," Dean nodded, before getting up and placing a hand on Ben's shoulder. "I'd do it all again if I had to. Even the dying thing."
"I couldn't have asked for a better father."
Dean smirked slightly, sliding an arm around his shoulders. "You say that now. If I'd actually been around when you were growing up? I would have gotten to you into so much trouble with your mom."
"You were around a week and you got me grounded. My mom didn't care if the next day I was kidnapped by a changeling, I STILL had no TV for a week because you told me to kick Ryan in the nuts." Ben smirked.
"See what I mean?" Dean laughed. "You probably were better off without me around."
"I guess that's something we'll never really know."
"Guess so," Dean said with a nod. "But I'm glad you tracked me down. I think my year would have turned out a lot worse if you hadn't."
"And if I didn't track you down, i wouldn't have met Anna either. Or Alec. And I don't want to think about not having them in my life either."
"So -- for all the blood, sweat and tears, I think things turned out pretty well."
"I agree." Ben licked his lips. "I didn't want to go into this without you knowing that. And if something happens to me tomorrow, it's not your fault. It's not Angeline's either. "It's Meg's. And I'm leaving notice with Alec to hit you hard if you even think of blaming yourself for it. Alright?"
"Fair enough," Dean said with a slight chuckle. "But the bad's not gonna happen."
Ben looked at his father, then he nodded. "Everything's gonna be fine."
"Yup," Dean nodded, tightening his arm around Ben's shoulders. "Everything's gonna be fine."
It was a moment's idea, and Ben went with it. He got up, wrapping his arms around his father a moment and holding him close.
Dean was caught slightly off guard, but relaxed into the hug after a moment, moving his hands to rub Ben's back lightly.
Ben leaned in for a moment, enjoying the hug from his father. They were few and far between, but he made sure when he got one, he cherished it. The one thing his mom had always been free on giving him was hugs, even at the ages where he hadn't wanted them. Knowing how hard it was for Dean to give one... that make them just as special.
Then he pulled himself away, clearing his throat and looking away. No chick flick moments was the big rule in the house, after all. "I should go check on Alec, then Anna."
"Okay," Dean nodded. "Alec needs anything, lemme know."
"I will." He started for the door, then stopped. "I love you, Dad."
"Love you, too," Dean said, giving him a small smile.
Ben smiled back, then ducked inside, leaving Dean alone on the porch.
Dean took a deep breath, turning his eyes back out to the bayou and staring into the darkness for a moment. This better go well. After everything thing they've been through in the last few months, this better go really fucking well.