Comments | wayward_au: I'll be home for Christmas...

mini_dean in wayward_au

I'll be home for Christmas...

Oct 27, 2008 13:31

Ben got to his room and closed the door behind him quietly. The fears were still set deep in his heart, and now he felt he had been a failure because he couldn't even be happy at the fact that his father had come back from the dead to be with them ( Read more... )

dean, dean's dead, anna, ben

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hitchhiker_girl October 27 2008, 19:01:31 UTC

Which she was -- kind of. Nate and Luke right before Christmas were like two six year-olds hopped up on a ridiculous amount of cotton candy, so naturally they weren't getting to sleep anytime soon. That plus the smell of cinnamon and other good smelling foods wafting from the kitchen made her feel lazy, but kept her up enough so that she was looking for a bite.

The place where her family had decided to convene in for Christmas wasn't far from where the old house used to be in Avon, but much more private and out of the way. In fact, it was practically underground, which gave the living room more of an earthy feel from where it was located right next to the kitchen, and was just a warm place to be. Nate and Luke were plopped on the couch with Anna stretched across their laps, lingering somewhere between sleep and awake, with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the television as Anna's phone started to ring.

She sighed heavily for a minute, before reaching over and grabbing her cellphone from where she had left it on the coffee table, flipping the phone open and pressing it to her ear.

"Hello?"

mini_dean October 27 2008, 19:26:44 UTC

"Did I wake you?" Ben's voice was hushed to keep anyone who might be at the door from listening in. It would also be obvious to her that something was wrong from how his voice was a bit shaky like he had just been crying.

Which he had. Big time.

But in Ben fashion, he was trying not to sound off. Trying to sound like nothing was wrong, even if all his shields were crashing around him.

hitchhiker_girl October 27 2008, 20:16:48 UTC

"No," she said, sitting up slightly. "No, I'm just tired -- I've been up for a while. Nate and Luke tend to pull all-nighters on Christmas Eve." She was worried about how he sounded -- someone calling her sounding like that was never a good sign -- but she didn't know what worse could happen, considering that Ben had already lost both his parents this year.

Unless Sam was dead. Or Alec, maybe. Anna wasn't sure, but she could start to feel her stomach tightening into a panicked knot.

"Is everything okay?"

mini_dean October 27 2008, 20:20:58 UTC

"I don't know." Which was true.

"Dean's back. Alive."

hitchhiker_girl October 27 2008, 20:25:40 UTC

"What?!?"

That really was the last thing she expected to hear. She said it a little loudly, loud enough to really get the attention of the twins she was sitting between, and they gave her a look. Flashing them an apologetic smile and pushed her way up to her feet, starting to make her way back towards her room.

"I mean -- are you sure it's really him?" Because God only knew with people these days.

mini_dean October 27 2008, 20:33:36 UTC

"Yeah. It feels like him. Bobby did all the demon tests, and he didn't get stopped by any of the wards."

There was a pause. "There was this big wave of energy and it really hurt and woke me up from a sound sleep. And then he was just there. I could feel him and by the time Alec and I got to the top of the hill, he was just finishing pulling himself out of the grave. And the energy knocked down the tree."

hitchhiker_girl October 27 2008, 20:36:30 UTC

Anna was just relieved that no one was dead. Amy was the one who was starting to panic. There was something about this that didn't feel right, and when Anna tried to push her for information, she found herself not getting anywhere fast.

"That -- sounds kind of terrifying," she admitted, flopping down on her bed and leaning back against the pillows. "Do you know what did it?"

mini_dean October 27 2008, 20:45:19 UTC

"No, I don't."

Ben was on his bed now, staring at the ceiling.

"But what's really scaring me is that I can't be happy about this. I mean, I'm happy he's alive, but I just can't feel it."

hitchhiker_girl October 27 2008, 22:53:10 UTC

"Well, he put you through a lot pain, Ben," she began softly. "And now he's back and you don't know why -- it probably seems like he put you through all that for nothing if he was just going to come back again."

She hoped she was helping. Especially considering she had a demon sitting in the back of her head going WRONG WRONG WRONG over and over again.

mini_dean October 28 2008, 00:22:19 UTC

"I punched him. I was just so angry. And it's like... what now, I just have to wait to lose him again? I can't go through this again, Anna. He says he doesn't plan on leaving, but..."

He was curled up in the quilt now. "I don't know what to do."

hitchhiker_girl October 28 2008, 00:32:31 UTC

Anna bit her lip for a minute, before shifting on the bed, tucking one arm behind her head and crossing one ankle over the other. "Well, first of all, I wouldn't be thinking that far ahead. Until you figure out what exactly brought him back, I'd just enjoy the time you have with him. I know you're angry, and trust me -- I'd be too. Just -- with the life we have? We got to take advantage of whatever we can get. And yes, his death was horrible -- but -- he's still your dad, Ben. And he went through some hard stuff too. The afterlife isn't exactly a walk in the park -- he needs his kid just as much as you need him."

"Secondly -- you have to figure out what brought him back. Because that will evaluate what kind time you have left."

mini_dean October 28 2008, 00:42:02 UTC

"I'm afraid to care about him because I don't want to get hurt again. Which makes me a horrible, selfish son, doesn't it?"

He sighed. "I'm sure once Sam knows, that's what they will focus on. Finding out what brought him back."

hitchhiker_girl October 28 2008, 00:46:51 UTC

"No, it doesn't. It just makes you human." She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a breath and trying to figure out how to explain it. "Hurting -- it's part of everything, Ben. Everything hurts, and it's true that if you don't care, you don't get hurt but if you don't care -- you're just going to be feel so empty."

She tried not caring once. Noah and Gina's deaths had cut her deeper than it was possible for her to admit, and she tried cutting everyone off. It didn't work out so well for her. "It seems easier, but it hurts about ten times worse, for everyone, not just you."

mini_dean October 28 2008, 01:14:35 UTC

"So while I think I'm saving my pain, I'm causing it onto others?" Ben scoffed. "Great. I can't succeed in anything."

hitchhiker_girl October 28 2008, 01:23:29 UTC

"That's not what I meant, Ben," she sighed, placing a hand over her eyes. "Your dad did this because he wanted you to live, because he's your dad and he loves you. Even if he has a weird way of showing it. He wants you to live, Ben, and you can't live if you're just keeping everything bottled up."

She paused for a minute before running a hand through her hair. "I know it hurts. But if it didn't hurt, how would you know that love was there to begin with?"

mini_dean October 28 2008, 01:41:57 UTC

Ben was quiet for a long time, just listening to Anna. How is it that when she talked, he understood more than when anyone else told him the same thing?

"I'm afraid."

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