(no subject)
Hello! I am mainly posting now because featherwritten encouraged me to write more! Well, also, I'm feeling kind of like a crap sandwich. These past few weeks should have been really good, because it's the last time I'm possibly ever going to have where I've got nothing I have to do at all. That sounds great, but when you have very little besides school/work to fill up your life, it isn't so great. It isn't anyone's fault other than mine, but basically, I see Corey about twice a week, and aside from that, I'm just sort of floating along. I wouldn't mind if I had anything going on, and I guess I have been reading a lot more and that's nice, but aside from that I end up either sitting in front of the computer or napping for a huge part of my day.
I think it comes down to the fact that anything useful I could feasibly be getting up to is all pointed in the direction of moving. Although I know it's best for me and I'll like it after I get used to it and blah blah, right now I just don't want to think about it. I knew I'd have this reaction, and I guess I hoped I would deal with it a little better than I am. (Also, apparently Daniel is having some money confusion with the people at OU, and even though I had a similar problem that was worked out quite easily, I'm frightened by the thought that he might not have the money he'll need, because we already signed a three-person lease.) I guess I just need to remember, like I always have to do in these situations, that of the millions of things I have freaked out over in my lifetime, pretty much none of them have turned out to be a really big deal.
ALSO. I want to go to the beach in about a week or two with Corey's family. They're renting a house down there so I can pretty much go for free, his parents will probably even pay for a fair amount of my food because they're nice like that. I had made this decision a few weeks ago and told my mom about it and everything, and it was all cool. Unfortunately, there were some problems for a few days with his parents, and they thought they might not go, so when my mom asked what was going on, I told her. Now they're sure they're going again, but it seems I've got to make my decision all over again. I'm maybe 75% sure that I still want to go, but my mother is making me feel really guilty about it, and I understand that and everything, I guess.
I guess maybe a lot of other people in my situation might not understand the guilt aspect, but the thing is, we've lived alone for years. Though she has my grandmother and sister just a few miles away, she feels lonely when I leave her alone even for a day or two. This wouldn't be so bad, except that 1) the vacation is about ten days long, and 2) I'm leaving for good about a week and a half after I would come back from the vacation. Should I miss out on the only vacation I've had a chance to go on in years? Should I leave my mom alone and lonely instead of making the most out of the time I have left to stay here? IT'S HARD.
UGH BLAH BLAH BLAH ANGST. I'm conflicted about graduate school and a free vacation, guys, my life is hard! WELL, SEE, that was all the stuff that was going on in my mind worrying me, and I can't help it if they're the most first world problems ever. I suppose I feel better for having gotten them out.
There are not-crappy things going on in my life now as well, though! The main one being that I have been pretty successful at losing weight in the past month or two. I think I'm down about twenty pounds from whenever my heaviest point was in the winter. I still don't think I'm down to where I was before I started BC pills, though. Can we appreciate the irony here for just one second? You take them so that you can have worry-free sex, but then they make it so that you don't want to have sex with anyone because you feel like a whale. Anyway, I've been doing okay like I said plus the fact that I haven't really been exercising. After I move, I'll be walking and biking a whole lot more, and that should give me a boost. At least, that's the plan. I hope I don't get lazy and just drive everywhere. I don't think I will, though, because I really hate driving and I'll be happy not to have to do it any more.
Ugh. I'm clearly out of practice with the whole LiveJournal thing, because I only write tl;dr walls of text now and have no idea how to end the thing. FAREWELL, DEAR LIVEJOURNAL, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN?
I think it comes down to the fact that anything useful I could feasibly be getting up to is all pointed in the direction of moving. Although I know it's best for me and I'll like it after I get used to it and blah blah, right now I just don't want to think about it. I knew I'd have this reaction, and I guess I hoped I would deal with it a little better than I am. (Also, apparently Daniel is having some money confusion with the people at OU, and even though I had a similar problem that was worked out quite easily, I'm frightened by the thought that he might not have the money he'll need, because we already signed a three-person lease.) I guess I just need to remember, like I always have to do in these situations, that of the millions of things I have freaked out over in my lifetime, pretty much none of them have turned out to be a really big deal.
ALSO. I want to go to the beach in about a week or two with Corey's family. They're renting a house down there so I can pretty much go for free, his parents will probably even pay for a fair amount of my food because they're nice like that. I had made this decision a few weeks ago and told my mom about it and everything, and it was all cool. Unfortunately, there were some problems for a few days with his parents, and they thought they might not go, so when my mom asked what was going on, I told her. Now they're sure they're going again, but it seems I've got to make my decision all over again. I'm maybe 75% sure that I still want to go, but my mother is making me feel really guilty about it, and I understand that and everything, I guess.
I guess maybe a lot of other people in my situation might not understand the guilt aspect, but the thing is, we've lived alone for years. Though she has my grandmother and sister just a few miles away, she feels lonely when I leave her alone even for a day or two. This wouldn't be so bad, except that 1) the vacation is about ten days long, and 2) I'm leaving for good about a week and a half after I would come back from the vacation. Should I miss out on the only vacation I've had a chance to go on in years? Should I leave my mom alone and lonely instead of making the most out of the time I have left to stay here? IT'S HARD.
UGH BLAH BLAH BLAH ANGST. I'm conflicted about graduate school and a free vacation, guys, my life is hard! WELL, SEE, that was all the stuff that was going on in my mind worrying me, and I can't help it if they're the most first world problems ever. I suppose I feel better for having gotten them out.
There are not-crappy things going on in my life now as well, though! The main one being that I have been pretty successful at losing weight in the past month or two. I think I'm down about twenty pounds from whenever my heaviest point was in the winter. I still don't think I'm down to where I was before I started BC pills, though. Can we appreciate the irony here for just one second? You take them so that you can have worry-free sex, but then they make it so that you don't want to have sex with anyone because you feel like a whale. Anyway, I've been doing okay like I said plus the fact that I haven't really been exercising. After I move, I'll be walking and biking a whole lot more, and that should give me a boost. At least, that's the plan. I hope I don't get lazy and just drive everywhere. I don't think I will, though, because I really hate driving and I'll be happy not to have to do it any more.
Ugh. I'm clearly out of practice with the whole LiveJournal thing, because I only write tl;dr walls of text now and have no idea how to end the thing. FAREWELL, DEAR LIVEJOURNAL, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN?