alone in the grocery aisle
i have recently returned from visiting seanbaby in SF. whenever i plan to visit sean, i always somehow seem to get sick. i started out with a sore throat on the drive up, and by that night i had a drippy nose and the chills. i was not that fun to be around. we pretty much sat around watching downloaded episodes of arrested development and south park the entire time i was there.
the only exciting thing we did was go to the safeway in the castro district to buy dayquil and theraflu for yours truly. we also bought sausages, cheetos, odwalla, and petit brownie bites.
the reason that the safeway in the castro was so exciting is that i love gay men. i wish that i could marry a gay man. if i were capable of anal sex, i would want to be a gay man. the safeway in the castro is filled with gay men. they come in pairs, groups, one by one, with their shopping carts, and their outfits. i saw one couple with an older man and a younger guy. the older man was wearing a tight black t-shirt that said 'daddy' on it. what i really loved was walking past large groups of men and noticing that not one of them was looking at me, and then catching one of checking sean out.
then i began to notice the women that were there. there were some amazing lesbians there. really neat-o butch ones and ones with lipstick on too. then i started to look at the women more closely, and i noticed that some of them were men!
oh i was SO excited. i abandoned sean (after he complained that i was following him around and being his shadow) to find cold medicine and just ran around leaking snot all over my newly discovered world. i realized that there i could be anyone. people could look at me and think 'lesbian'. they could look at me and wonder if i was really a man! they could look at me and see the truth, which is that i am boring and straight, and not only that i am boring and straight, but that i am not even currently sleeping with the guy i have brought to the grocery store with me. what a great place to be.
the second most amusing part of the weekend was when sean hit on this girl in the safeway parking lot with me standing right there. she looked a little weirded out by it. sean always forgets that girls can't just automatically tell that i am not his girlfriend. after she left he reminded himself yet again that i need to wear some sort of t-shirt or hat or sign that proclaims that i am not his girlfriend when we hang out...
...because i've done it before. at that white trash party on my birthday. he complained that i was killing his game by hanging around him. i took a paper towel and a sharpie, made a sign that read, "i am not sean's girlfriend!" and taped it to my chest. it got me some... ahem... attention. i don't remember how he did that night.
we had a great time and ate more than our share of chinese food. whenever i get sick i want to eat chinese food. i also get up an appetite. last night i ate a whole plate of walnut prawns, a bunch of beef chow fun, and two BBQ pork buns. i am a terrible jew.
we also watched 'batman begins', which would be a pretty awesome movie if you removed katie holmes, preferably with some sort of dull rusty blade, such as the ones they use for female curcumcision. also, christian bale was hotter in psycho.
the only exciting thing we did was go to the safeway in the castro district to buy dayquil and theraflu for yours truly. we also bought sausages, cheetos, odwalla, and petit brownie bites.
the reason that the safeway in the castro was so exciting is that i love gay men. i wish that i could marry a gay man. if i were capable of anal sex, i would want to be a gay man. the safeway in the castro is filled with gay men. they come in pairs, groups, one by one, with their shopping carts, and their outfits. i saw one couple with an older man and a younger guy. the older man was wearing a tight black t-shirt that said 'daddy' on it. what i really loved was walking past large groups of men and noticing that not one of them was looking at me, and then catching one of checking sean out.
then i began to notice the women that were there. there were some amazing lesbians there. really neat-o butch ones and ones with lipstick on too. then i started to look at the women more closely, and i noticed that some of them were men!
oh i was SO excited. i abandoned sean (after he complained that i was following him around and being his shadow) to find cold medicine and just ran around leaking snot all over my newly discovered world. i realized that there i could be anyone. people could look at me and think 'lesbian'. they could look at me and wonder if i was really a man! they could look at me and see the truth, which is that i am boring and straight, and not only that i am boring and straight, but that i am not even currently sleeping with the guy i have brought to the grocery store with me. what a great place to be.
the second most amusing part of the weekend was when sean hit on this girl in the safeway parking lot with me standing right there. she looked a little weirded out by it. sean always forgets that girls can't just automatically tell that i am not his girlfriend. after she left he reminded himself yet again that i need to wear some sort of t-shirt or hat or sign that proclaims that i am not his girlfriend when we hang out...
...because i've done it before. at that white trash party on my birthday. he complained that i was killing his game by hanging around him. i took a paper towel and a sharpie, made a sign that read, "i am not sean's girlfriend!" and taped it to my chest. it got me some... ahem... attention. i don't remember how he did that night.
we had a great time and ate more than our share of chinese food. whenever i get sick i want to eat chinese food. i also get up an appetite. last night i ate a whole plate of walnut prawns, a bunch of beef chow fun, and two BBQ pork buns. i am a terrible jew.
we also watched 'batman begins', which would be a pretty awesome movie if you removed katie holmes, preferably with some sort of dull rusty blade, such as the ones they use for female curcumcision. also, christian bale was hotter in psycho.