Reel Merlin: Bring it On: Arthur/Merlin, Will/Merlin, Arthur/Sophia.
title: it’s not my fault you’re dating a big, gay cheerleader who won’t return your phone calls.
author: wayoffbase
prompt: bring it on
pairing: merlin/arthur
rating: pg-13
word count: 7200 words
spoilers.warnings: none, really. CRACK. this shit is bananas, y’all. i don’t know what i was thinking.
author’s notes: this is more inspired by bring it on than actually based on it, but still. i hope y’all like it. i certainly had a great time writing it.
summary: Merlin was not impressed (although admittedly a more accurate rendition of his thoughts would have been ARGHJGAKHVDMHSVMHVDKLhvekrvkckrsgkurehB!!!1!111!!!!)
For Merlin Emrys, waking up screaming was not so unusual, especially when said screaming occurred on the first day of school. What was unusual, however, was the reason for the screaming. Usually, screaming on the first day of school was provoked by a) being six years old and terrified, or b) being sixteen years old and terrified. After all, starting a new school was undoubtedly a good reason to be scared.
Not that dreaming that your cheerleading uniform disappeared, leaving you butt naked in front of hundreds of people, wasn’t a good reason for screaming. It was just an unusual one.
*
And it wasn’t the only thing unusual about that morning. No, what was really unusual (in his opinion, anyway) was that Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther Pendragon, undoubtedly the best cheer captain Camelot College had ever seen (also in his opinion), had just been dumped. Dumped! He was, to say the least, shocked.
It would have been the perfect start to a new school year. Cheer Captain, Senior, Prom King, Most Popular Guy In School Due To Hot College Girlfriend. Everything. The whole nine yards.
But. He. Got. Dumped.
Stupid Girls. Stupid Sophia.
Arthur Pendragon was not impressed.
*
Merlin’s day (which had started out so well, what with the horrendous nightmares and all) was not getting any better.
For starters, the drive to school had been a nightmare. Merlin had hoped that, after seventeen years of school, he could perhaps be dropped off by someone other than his mother. In fact, until about five minutes before he was due to leave the house, he had thought he was going to be dropped off by someone other than his mother. But that, of course, was when said expected ride had called. To cancel.
Talk about unreliable.
Stupid boys (with nice cars). Stupid Will.
Merlin Emrys was not impressed.
*
And the day only went downhill from there.
Due to sad lack of Hot College Girlfriend, and also considerable lack of Consolation By Ownership Of Own Gorgeous Car, Arthur Pendragon was currently being driven to school by his stepsister, Morgana. This, no matter which way you looked at it (or which way 90% of the boys at school looked at her) was not remotely cool or exciting in any way. Also, purple convertibles were many things, but manly was not one of them.
However, despite his complaints, Arthur could have lived with Morgana driving him to school. People at Camelot Academy were used to Morgana. They were used to Arthur. After many torturous minutes, Arthur would have risen above his shame and moved on. Unfortunately, Morgana seemed to have either gone completely mad, or. No. That was the only plausible explanation for why they were currently pulling up outside somewhere apparently called Ealdor High School (Arthur had never heard of it, so it couldn’t possibly be important) and stopping just outside the entrance to the school office.
And that was where things started to get very very strange. Suddenly, Morgana was babbling all this nonsense about Camelot’s principal sending them here to meet with Ealdor’s principal and the Captain of their cheerleading squad because of something like lack of people interested in cheerleading and lack of money and time and new rules and also the world was ending as was foretold in times past as heralded by such catastrophic matters as these. Well. Arthur thought he might have made that last part up. At least 80% sure. Really.
And then Morgana was shoving him out the door and towards the office, telling him to nod and smile and make it quick, because they really were running late for school and Uther would hang him from the roof or at least never buy him a car if he was late for school due to cheerleading one more time before pulling out of her parking space and screeching off into the distance, abandoning him to his fate.
Arthur was so not impressed.
Being late for school was hardly grounds for never getting a car.
And she didn’t need to abandon him, for chrissakes.
*
As it turned out, Morgana hadn’t abandoned him, merely pulled into a parking space a short distance away and settled in for long wait. Merlin became violently aware of this fact (or at least the part about some girl in a purple convertible being parked near the office - not actually knowing Morgana meant he knew nothing further) when he arrived at school approximately fifteen minutes later to find her there, windows down, flirting with his boyfriend.
Having had such a phenomenal day already, this was the last straw for Merlin. He strode purposefully (read: angrily and not a little hilariously) over to the car, nearly taking out some poor dazed looking blonde guy (must be new) on the way, and then stopped, clearing his throat and settling into his most threatening I Am A Cheerleader Hear Me Roar pose (which, y’know, not so threatening, but points for effort and all). Morgana, predictably, was not fazed in the slightest, although Will did look a little guilty (but mostly amused). Merlin, also not being fazed in the slightest by their non-reactions, opened his mouth, and. Well. Was cut off by Gwen, actually, further reinforcing his hate for the day and the world in general.
It was at this point that the day stopped going downhill. This was, of course, because it had reached the bottom of the hill, and thus had nowhere further to go, but nevertheless. If there had been any hill left, however, the downward trend would have continued, because Gwen’s purpose in cutting him off was to tell him the principal wanted to see him. In his office. Now.
In conclusion: Not. Impressed.
*
Arthur was also not impressed. Still. In what seemed to be some enormous cosmic joke at his expense, Arthur had been not only called to the principal’s office (at another school, no less), which never boded well, he had arrived there to find his principal also in attendance. They had then both told him (in that scary, principal-ish manner) that they were still waiting on someone else to arrive before they dealt with The Issue At Hand. Arthur had, unfortunately, missed exactly what this issue was, due to being otherwise occupied. Wracking his brains for what he could have possibly done to a student who he’d never met at a school he never knew existed before today ranked a little higher than listening (in his opinion). It was a very trying task.
It was largely due to this trying task that Arthur missed the arrival of another student in the office. He did, however, pay attention when the principal (Ealdor’s principal) opened his mouth and said “Merlin, congratulations on getting cheerleading captain. Well done etcetera. Now, we have a problem.”
The person he was addressing (presumably Merlin (whom Arthur assumed had just arrived in the office)) looked rather like Arthur felt. Gobsmacked. He opened his mouth, presumably to talk (although at a school like this, who knew what his vocabulary would be like?), but instead merely gasped for a few seconds before finally managing “Captain....?”
Arthur agreed with his sentiment (or at least his unspoken one). This kid was far too scrawny to be a cheerleader at all, let alone a cheerleading captain. Also, he looked funny. Arthur didn’t know much about public schools, but he knew plenty about cheerleading, and even a school like this one surely wanted someone more, well, glamorous, to represent their cheerleaders.
Unfortunately, Arthur also didn’t know much about keeping his mouth shut, which became apparent almost immediately, when what he’d thought was his internal monologue turned out in fact to be his dialogue. This, of course, caused much glaring (from Merlin) and much awkward silence and obnoxious clearing of throats (from principals one and two).
Eventually, Ealdor’s principal pulled himself together enough to speak. “Yes, well. Merlin, despite Mr. Pendragon’s thoughts on the matter, you are in fact Captain of the Cheerleading Squad. Which is why you get to be the one to hear this unhappy news first.”
Camelot’s principal (Arthur was unsure of his exact name) continued (apparently addressing Merlin) “You and Arthur are but two sides of the same coin. This is your destiny!”
Principal A took over again “Anyway. We have decided, that due to low numbers, it would be best if our two schools joined their cheerleading squads together.” He sat back, looking self-satisfied and also a little possessed.
Arthur felt he should say something. A protest. A squeak of disapproval. Something. HE COULDN’T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS IT WAS AGAINST HIS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.
Apparently oblivious to his inner turmoil, Principal B continued (apparently addressing just Merlin again - seriously, he was right there) “That yours and Arthur’s paths lie together is but the truth.”
Whatever. The principal could say whatever he wanted to try and get them to work together. Right now, the only thing Arthur’s path was doing was lying its way to some strong drink.
Seriously. If this was how the day was going to proceed, Arthur at the very least did not want to be aware of it.
Not even having his cheerleading uniform disappear, leaving him butt-naked in front of hundreds of people, could have been worse than this.
*
Merlin was entirely sure he’d had worse days than this. Really, totally sure. Positive. Certain.
He just couldn’t remember any of them right now.
Sure, getting cheerleading captain was great, even though he hadn’t actually wanted it all that much (although extracurriculars do look great on your transcripts). But that was like, the one tiny bright spot - like a match against that really terrible backdrop the drama club had for their play last year - all black velvet and dusty and huge - although come to think of it, perhaps taking a match to it would be the best thing for everybody....anyway.
Basically, bad dreams, bad boyfriends, bad cars? Whatever. Merlin could handle those - they really weren’t that bad. But humungous prats? Ohhh, that was definitely enough to ruin his day.
Seriously.
Who did that guy think he was, anyway? Royalty?
Of course, there was no point in complaining. Complaining would inevitably ensure this day’s place as the worst ever in history, either because a) the principal would hate on him forever and he’d never graduate, b) they’d never get to regionals and never get to compete and everyone would hate him forever, c) they’d get someone else to be Captain, someone who’d do what they wanted, or d) ALL OF THE ABOVE. None of these options were desirable, and all of them would end in DOOM and possibly fainting (which no one wanted, least of all Merlin - waking up disorientated in a bed of roses being stared at by a small frizzy haired girl was not the most fun activity ever - although he had met Gwen that way....never mind.)
This dramatic internal monologue (which took several minutes and much effort) eventually manifested itself as a simple phrase:
“Guess we’d better get on with it then.”
Clearly, the other guy (Arthur? Uther? Andrew?) either a) didn’t speak English (likely) or b) was just dumb (also likely) or c) did not agree. Merlin decided it was the latter when the guy opened his mouth, and words (in English) came spurting out “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!”
Merlin assumed this was a rhetorical question, but was saved from answering by the flirty purple car girl (whom Merlin assumed was also from Arthur’s school, or at least unfortunately associated with him in some way) , who suddenly appeared, Gwen at her side, and said “Arthur. Shut up.” She then turned to him, “Get on with what?”
“Your principal thinks it’s our destiny to combine our cheerleading squads and work together to go to nationals, which is convenient because we don’t have enough people to form a team anyway, and apparently neither do you.”
The girl looked unsurprised. “Well, I suppose we should organise a time to practice then.”
Merlin nodded.
Despite the fact that she was clearly a boyfriend stealing, nice car having, gorgeous bitch, Merlin sincerely hoped the rest of the team took after her.
At least she spoke coherent English.
*
Merlin, being a fan of English, was always keen on consistent themes. Which was why it came as no surprise that, in the apparent theme of the day, the practice was a giant failure.
Five walk outs, four screaming matches, three (calmer) disagreements, two sprained ankles, one frustrated cheerleading squad (and a partridge in a pear tree).
The no doubt imminent insanity didn’t bother Merlin all that much.
Padded walls and strait jackets sounded almost relaxing.
*
Arthur, despite feeling largely the same way Merlin did, chose to express his thoughts in a simpler manner.
“AHDERFGJHEFJ;GVFGBCHGUIFBVYGFHNELUFXHKNCJBHTFGURYFHOUYHERCBDHBVAKSLKSHSJALSHSGDKSJSJSDHSGCJHG!!!!!!”
*
Of course, this was merely the initial expression of Arthur’s thoughts. By the time he’d had both sleep and food, Arthur had managed to organise his thoughts slightly more coherently, and, once he had done so, made the decision to express them.
This expression began with a few words, early in the morning the following day, shortly after breakfast.
“How the hell is this going to work?”
Of course, as this statement lacked both sufficient elaboration and an audience to hear it, it was perhaps not the most efficient way of expressing said feelings.
And so, at several points during the day, Arthur tried again. However, as no one particularly cared, he failed to be successful until late that evening, during dinner. This was largely because despite the fact that Morgana didn’t particularly care either, she at least couldn’t go anywhere at least until she’d finished eating. And so, unfortunately for her, for a solid thirty minutes straight, Morgana was subjected to Arthur’s rather long and rather detailed rant about Merlin Emrys and just exactly what he’d like to do to him bastard how dare he steal half my glory and how dare his school have such ugly cheerleading uniforms and sub-par grounds and ARGHGRAGHGHREAGSKLDAGSJKASLSH. At first Morgana made a few attempts to interrupt and even to defend Merlin (truth be told, she found him to be rather adorable - pity he clearly didn’t fancy girls), but eventually she gave up and pretended to listen (and watch Arthur’s facial expressions - she doubted any comedian could have created anything more hilarious).
Fortunately for her (well, sort of), Arthur was interrupted just before his descent into incoherent rage. Unfortunately for her (and for Arthur) this interruption came in the form of Uther Pendragon, Arthur’s father, clearing his throat. Having lived with Uther for most of her life, Morgana was well aware of what this signal meant, and, sure enough, Uther soon launched into a rant of his own (although he no doubt preferred the term ‘lecture’ or perhaps ‘imparting wisdom’). The rant went along the usual lines - well Arthur if you didn’t focus so much on cheerleading this would never be a problem you really should focus on your grades and your schoolwork because cheerleading won’t get you anywhere in life and it certainly won’t help you in taking over my company when I retire Arthur you really should listen to this ARTHUR JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?!
Arthur, having heard this speech many times before, had opted to leave the room.
*
Merlin was also having a terrible evening, although his was playing out slightly different. Merlin, of course, had no sister to complain to (the closest equivalent, Gwen, was otherwise occupied that night), and his parents, Hunith and Gaius, were out of town at some sort of convention (Merlin hadn’t asked) and did not want to be disturbed. None of this actually bothered Merlin too much - he had planned to spend a quiet evening alone, resisting the urge to scream at the utter unfairness of his situation and maybe doing some homework. He hadn’t thought he’d be bothered, Gwen being busy and Will surely knowing better than to speak to him without at least a week’s worth of grovelling and maybe some high quality chocolate.
Unfortunately, a day spent at college seemed to have dulled rather than sharpened Will’s already average intellect, and at 8pm sharp Merlin heard a knock at the door. And then another knock. And then a series of knocks, followed by a (rather melodic) series of chimes from the doorbell accompanied by yet more knocks. Having ascertained (by sly and sneaky peering out the window) that it was, in fact, Will creating this racket, Merlin gave up on his quiet evening and went to answer the door, knowing without a doubt that if he didn’t, the racket would only get louder and louder until the neighbours called his parents and his grandmother and the whole neighbourhood and the cops on him, and then he’d never get a quiet evening ever again. Sacrificing this one evening really wasn’t too much to ask, and hey, maybe he could get some quality ranting in, which would sure make him feel better.
And so, reluctantly, Merlin let Will in - which was when his evening really started to go downhill. Before Merlin could even open his mouth, Will practically attacked him, pushing him against the wall and covering his mouth with Will’s own. What followed was several minutes of groping, gasping, kissing, and a little moaning, until Merlin realised (by nearly pushing Will through it) that the front door was still open, and the perpetually nosy neighbours had a perfect view of exactly what he was getting up to while his parents were gone, which no doubt would also result in the neighbours calling his parents and his grandmother and the whole neighbourhood and the cops on him, and then he’d never get a quiet evening ever again. It also pulled him out of his stupor, making him realise that despite how, err, talented Will was, he a) hadn’t brought any chocolates b) wasn’t grovelling, and c) hadn’t even given him the chance to rant at all. Merlin decided to take his chances, and just blurt it out.
“Fuck, I had the worst day today. The principal in his infinite wisdom has decided to join our cheerleading squad with Camelot Academy’s, and their captain is a COMPLETE ASSHOLE who thinks he’s better than anybody else, and I have no idea how I’m ever going to work with him, and - mmmph!”
By this point, Will had slipped over to join him by the front door (now closed), and had slid his hand over Merlin’s mouth “Baby, less talking, please.” He removed his hand, replacing it with his mouth briefly before pulling away “Let’s just have some fun, yeah?”
Merlin sighed (internally, anyway). It really wasn’t worth complaining - he could always rant at Gwen tomorrow.
Besides, even if he hadn’t brought chocolates or even apologised at all, Will at least had talents in, well, other areas. It was better than nothing, at least.
*
After the shitty evening he’d had, Merlin had hoped that the next day would be better - ‘tomorrow’s another day’ and all that - but it was apparently not to be. After a morning which consisted of a gruelling chemistry test (ON THE SECOND DAY!), walking into a wall on his way to third period, and Gwen convincing him to admit that yes, Arthur was gorgeous (but still a prat, OMG Gwen you were at practice yesterday how on earth will we ever work together well Merlin I think he’s an incredible babe and my only contribution will be to bat my eyes and be totally unhelpful grrrrrrrrrrrrrr besides I have Will argh how sad is that my only defence is my idiot boyfriend). Needless to say, Merlin did not have high hopes for the afternoon, and by the time cheerleading practice (in perhaps their one moment of agreement, Merlin and Arthur had decided several practices in a row were best at the beginning, so the teams could “bond”) rolled around, Merlin was practically a nervous wreck.
In what seemed to be another reoccurring theme (seriously, what, his life was turning into a novel or some shit), something else unusual nearly occurred - Merlin skipping cheerleading practice.
Clearly the world was ending.
*
And this perception (that the world was ending) only continued to gain support at said cheerleading practise (Merlin knew he should have skipped). Not only did he and Arthur argue a further ten zillion times (not in itself proof of the end of the world), they also nearly came to physical blows. Fortunately for them, they were on opposite sides of a pyramid when this happened, and thus could not reach each other. Unfortunately for Gwen, she was on the top of the pyramid.
At least there were some advantages to having a small cheerleading team i.e. Gwen not having as far to fall and also having the one new recruit (this gorgeous guy called Lancelot - what a name, seriously, it’s like they were in Le Morte Darthur or something) catch her as she fell. Both of these factors ensured her only injury was mildly sprained wrist, luckily enough. It was perhaps the only good thing that came out of her fall (aside from a date with Lancelot, damn he was fine).
Unfortunately, the fall also caused a series of events that went something like this: Arthur and Merlin felt very ashamed of themselves, Arthur and Merlin went home feeling both guilty and angry, Arthur got drunk and called his ex-girlfriend, begging her to take him back (she agreed, idiot), and Merlin had sex with Will (despite the lack of chocolates still). All in all, it was another shitty evening.
And what was worse, it got Merlin thinking about karma, and destiny, and then he thought about Camelot’s weirdo principal and then he had nightmares. Again.
*
However, as was frequently the case, nightmares were the least of Merlin’s worries. Now, Merlin had never really been hung-over before, but being on the cheerleading squad meant he had plenty of experience dealing with other people’s hangovers. Of course, usually those people either threw up on his shoes, told him they were so, so grateful Merlin, really, or just lay in bed (or on a couch, or the sidewalk where they fell asleep) and moaned a lot. All in all, nothing too terrible (well, not for him, anyway). However, because karma or Arthur or weird principals hadn’t fucked up his life enough, said Arthur’s hangover had to, of course, be completely different from every other hangover Merlin had ever had to put up with. Well, he still had the usual headache and bad temper, but never in his life had Merlin had someone want to turn up to cheerleading practise with a hangover (and how much had he had to drink anyway, that he was still hung-over at this time?). It was complete mind boggling, but (unfortunately) completely unavoidable. Arthur was the captain, and so he did really have the right to be there, and even if Merlin (technically the only person on the squad who could wield authority over him) forced him to leave, he would be unlikely to listen to him anyway. So Merlin let him stay, and hoped and prayed etc. etc. that the worst thing he would do would be to snap irritably at some people and throw up on their shoes.
But. Well. This was not the case. Instead, what Arthur did do was climb up to the top of a formation of cheerleaders, lose his balance, and fall off. Fortunately (for Arthur, anyway), Merlin was there to catch him, and, also fortunately (for everyone this time), the shock of nearly breaking his neck seemed to snap Arthur out of his hangover, after which he proceeded to do something to shock Merlin: he said thank-you. Needless to say, Merlin nearly fell over, and, after he’d retained his equilibrium, he had to pinch himself, just to be sure he wasn’t dreaming. Sure enough, the pinch hurt like fuck, but it still didn’t convince him he wasn’t dreaming (again). Instead, Merlin merely became more and more confused, as Arthur picked them both up off the ground, informed everyone that he was unwell, and then apologised for having to leave cheerleading practice due to said illness. And then, in an event that convinced Merlin that there must surely be something in the water, Arthur asked him for his email address, so they could discuss cheerleading matters. Still speechless and stunned, Merlin gave it to him, at which time Arthur apologised again, promised to email him, and then left the practice.
Needless to say, everyone was stunned.
*
Well, not everyone. Arthur was pretty calm, on account of the whole he at least had an explanation for his behaviour. It wasn’t a very long explanation, or even a very complicated one. Indeed, it could be summed up in a short paragraph:
Morgana was scary. Especially when she found you drunk dialling your girlfriend to complain about ‘that other cheerleading captain, he’s just sooooo annooooying....’. And especially when Morgana herself rather liked Merlin (and she was dead convinced you did too, and all this fighting and complaining was just immature pigtail pulling). Yeah. She was really scary. The end.
(Although maybe, just maybe, under plenty of duress or (the influence of) plenty of alcohol, Arthur could be forced to admit that yes, okay, he had realised that maybe Merlin was kind of, sort of, just a little bit adorable ok shut up.)
*
Of course, Morgana wasn’t quite scary enough (or mean enough, no matter what anyone thought) to force Arthur into emailing Merlin. That (for some mysterious (to him) reason) he did himself. Repeatedly and nervously. Until Merlin finally replied, at which time he relaxed (briefly), and then set about composing his return email (which in turn made him both nervous and awkward again, and indeed took up large portions of his evening). Fortunately for him, Merlin replied quickly to all his emails, and all the comments in them, even the truly inane ones, and, eventually, the emails stopped being about cheerleading at all. Unfortunately, however, just as the two of them were trying to start a proper conversation (literally, just as Merlin typed the first line on a reply email), Merlin received a knock on the door, and Arthur received a phone call. From, of course, the two people most likely to distract them from, as Arthur’s weird principal would say, ‘their destiny’. And although both of them (this time) managed to persuade their respective significant others to go away, it still rather effectively ended their conversation, both feeling awkward and slightly guilty (although neither could really figure out why).
*
For once, however, this awkwardness didn’t affect any events the next day (i.e. cheerleading practise). Instead, everything went far more smoothly that it had so far. The practise that day, the meeting with the principals to discuss their progress, the organisation required to take them to regionals. Even the regionals themselves went smoothly, ensuring their team a place in the finals. Overall, everything was wonderful.
That was, of course, until their team, ecstatic at moving through to the finals (for Ealdor, it was their first time), sprinted off stage, intent on heading out to party. Merlin went with them, and was halfway out the door when he realised Arthur was nowhere to be seen (and so went back to look for him). After much searching, he found him lying on the bleachers next to the stage, staring at the ceiling and apparently humming something under his breath.
Merlin didn’t say anything immediately, just sat down beside him and waited, hoping Arthur would eventually say something (or at least stop humming), and, after about ten minutes, he did (both say something and stop humming, although not in that particular order).
“Did your parents come today?” Arthur didn’t wait for an answer “Mind didn’t. Well, my mother, being dead, at least has an excuse. My father, on the other hand. It’s not like he’s actually busy - in fact, I doubt he’s doing anything at all. He just doesn’t care.”
Merlin didn’t say anything, just shifted closer to Arthur, lifting one hand to rest on his shoulder in an effort to be comforting. Arthur, in response, moved closer, resting his head against the edge of Merlin’s thigh before continuing.
“Do you know what’s the saddest thing? I only took up cheerleading to make him proud. I’ve always been good at gymnastics and dance, and I thought why not? At least I can be good at something, make him pay attention and be happy with me for once. And he doesn’t even care.” Arthur paused “I don’t know. Whatever. It’s not like it matters anyway. You shouldn’t have to listen to this.” But while he stopped talking he didn’t move away, just lay in silence, resting against Merlin. After a while he shifted, sitting up and pressing their legs together on the bench and then, when Merlin encouraged him, leaned his head on Merlin’s shoulder. For a while they sat in silence, and then slowly, Merlin let his hand slide across his lap, toward Arthur’s. It took some time, but eventually Arthur’s hand slid to meet his, and they gently linked their fingers together. Again, they sat in silence, and the hall slowly turned dark as the sun went down outside. Eventually electric lights flickered on outside, flooding the room with pale orange light, but in that brief moment of complete darkness, Arthur and Merlin moved even closer, and slowly, tentatively, Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur’s. Arthur responded, opening his mouth slightly to press his tongue against Merlin’s, who in turn had opened his mouth to reciprocate. They kissed slowly, hands clasped in their laps, for what seemed like forever, but, when the lights flickered on outside, Arthur broke away. He then stuttered out something almost incomprehensible (maybe something likeSophiadateomgwhatIonlydategirls whatamIgoingtodo) before fleeing the gym, leaving Merlin staring after him, looking utterly confused.
*
This scene, in what seemed to be a fixed pattern of EXTREME AWKWARDNESS and then relative calm and then EXTREME AWKWARDNESS again, was soon followed by the following, rather stilted (and awkward) conversation:
“Yeah, umm, I kind of have a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, me too. Well. A boyfriend. But...”
“Yeah, the idea is the same.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
*
Funnily enough, these statements became untrue almost immediately. In fact, about twenty minutes after the two of them had this conversation, Arthur received a phone call from Sophia. For a while he considered not answering it, but eventually his sense of politeness won out over his desire to avoid her, and so he answered the call. This actually turned out rather well for Arthur, although not so much for Sophia. She had, of course, in the tradition of ‘dumpers’ all over the world, hoped to get Arthur’s voice mail, at which time she would leave a cute but regretful message, making the whole process perfectly neat and tidy, with no need to listen to any tears, ranting, or begging from the one being dumped. Also, she was in general a cowardly person, and really didn’t want to speak to Arthur at all. Unfortunately for her, Arthur answered his phone, and she had to instead blurt out something quick and concise, in an effort to get off the phone as quickly as possible. This at least she managed, near shouting “I’m breaking up with you” into the phone, before hanging up as quickly as possible, although not in time to avoid what sounded like a sigh of relief, followed shortly after by an ecstatic whoop! and then a yahoo! before the line went dead. Sophia felt rather put out.
*
Will didn’t feel much better, although this was largely because he was the one getting dumped. In a not unsurprising twist, Merlin had gone to see Will, to confess about the kiss and to apologise, only to find him in bed with someone else (the someone else happened to be Sophia, but Merlin didn’t know that). This, of course, led to Will being smacked over the head with a pillow, screamed at and then dumped, shortly followed by Merlin slamming the door behind him. This dramatic outburst made Merlin feel rather better, and so his actions then followed a similar line to Arthur’s (that of a whoop! and a yahoo!). Will, however, felt rather put out, both because he had been dumped, and because Sophia clearly wasn’t ‘in the mood’. Really, Will thought, what was the point in getting dumped if you didn’t at least get to have some fun with the other person you were sleeping with? Honestly. Will was not impressed.
*
However, while both Merlin and Arthur felt rather good about themselves, these events still ensured near perpetual awkwardness between Will, Merlin, Arthur, and Sophia (on account of the whole well we broke up where do I stand with everyone else now I am so confused). It also ensured that the whole (six hour) trip to the nationals, every practise, every group event, and every conversation turned out awkward and stilted, which in turn caused much uneasiness and blind panic about the outcome of the nationals, and the fate of the squad and perhaps the universe in general (they all knew how dramatic Arthur, at least, could be, and Merlin, everyone swore, had magic powers which he would no doubt use to the detriment of all if anything went wrong).
All in all, it was an extremely tense three days.
*
Fortunately, despite this general awkwardness, the routine itself was flawless. Every flip, twist, dance move, everything was perfect. Merlin was so happy he could have kissed someone (read: Arthur), and everyone else was ecstatic too (although not quite so ecstatic as to kiss Arthur, besides, Merlin would have taken them out if they had).
Unfortunately, Arthur did not appear to be so happy. Sure, he smiled and congratulated his squad, and even gave a few high fives, but he didn’t really smile. Merlin, despite feeling awkward, was determined to figure out what was wrong with him, although he thought he could probably guess. And so, through much dancing and high fiving and general peril, Merlin made his way over to Arthur (who was on the other side of the room), and asked “What’s wrong?”
Arthur, who of course also felt extremely awkward and was thus ignoring him (or else really needed to get his ears checked, as Merlin had just shouted in said ears), didn’t answer. And so Merlin, never one to give up, decided to try again, louder this time. “I DIDN’T SEE YOUR FATHER OUT THERE?”
This time, Arthur looked at him, said “That’s because he wasn’t there. Why would he ever come to anything like this?” and then stormed off.
Merlin, still undeterred, followed him to a spot just outside the arena, where they merely stood in silence (Merlin had learned that talking at Arthur was perhaps the least effective method of communicating with him - he had this uncanny ability to block you out completely) until, eventually, Arthur cracked.
“I just wish he’d at least pretend to be interested, you know?”
Merlin smiled. “You’d hate that. I’m at least 93% sure you’d prefer he went on blatantly hating cheerleading.”
Arthur’s lips twitched a little. “Yeah, probably. But, I mean, it would be nice to have somebody who was proud of me.”
Merlin grinned. “Just one person?”
“That would be nice.”
Merlin moved closer, slinging his arm around Arthur’s neck “Well, you’ve got me.”
*
“Arthur.”
Arthur, who was already feeling a little out of sorts (on account of the whole Merlin Being Totally Sweet And Amazing Thing), was, needless to say, less than pleased when he heard his father’s voice, especially saying his name. Usually occasions like this were followed by a lecture or scolding of some kind, and Arthur was really not in the mood.
Of course, he then realised that his dad was at a CHEERLEADING COMPETITION WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING HERE BUWHA?
Uther, apparently having failed to notice his son’s deep internal conflict, had continued to speak. “Arthur, I’ve been speaking to your principal” yet another bad sentence what the hell was going on “and he says your grades have drastically improved over the past year, and that he is very pleased with your progress, or at least that is what I think he said - he’s a very strange man.”
Uther apparently felt this announcement was sufficient, and so fell silent. This apparently made Merlin feel the need to fill in the silence why oh why Merlin would you do that. “Cheerleaders can be smart, you know. Arthur especially. He’s very talented, you know.”
Uther appeared to find his voice again “I can. See that. Well Arthur, perhaps I will have to give this cheerleading thing a second chance.”
“You should. As well as being intelligent, Arthur’s also a brilliant cheerleader.”
It was at this point Arthur’s emotional control slipped completely, and he proceeded to turn bright red (better than crying, he supposed), before mumbling something incoherent and dragging Merlin off to the awards ceremony.
*
“Despite having to overcome some difficulties this year, this team certainly pulled together an excellent routine, one that was unanimously voted the winner of this year’s national cheerleading competition. And so, without further ado, it gives me great pleasure to announce that in first place are the Camelot - Ealdor Knights from Camelot, Albion!!”
Merlin nearly fell off the stage.
However, his body chose what it apparently thought would be the less embarrassing option, and decided to fall onto Arthur instead, and then GRAB HIM AND KISS HIM OMG MERLIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Merlin then proceeded to turn bright red (he matched the uniform, Arthur thought it was kind of cute), and ran away, while in the background Arthur’s weird principal shouted:
“Do not run now! You are only beginning to fulfil your destiny!”
“Hey, baby, I’m so -“
*
“Baby look, I’m so-“
*
“ - happy to see you again, look, I know I’ve been a little distant this year, so -“
*
“-sorry, you have no idea how much I -“
*
“ - regret it, really, babe, wish I hadn’t done it, I so -“
*
“- miss you, really, baby, please-“
*
“- don’t want you to hate me for this, please -“
*
“-forgive me, I promise I’ll do better if you just -“
*
“- listen to me, I just need you to-“
*
“- forgive me, babe, honestly, Sophia didn’t even matter to me, I only want you, -“
*
“-, to just listen to me, please, I really want to apologize, I am so sorry, really, -“
*
“ - honestly, I was an idiot and I should have never let you go, baby, I just -“
*
“ - love you babe, so much, Arthur, please, I really -“
*
“ - love you baby, so much, we should be together, we’re just - “
*
“-meant to be, just-“
*
“- so perfect for each other, honestly, won’t you -“
*
“ - please listen to what I’m saying, I want you to-“
*
“- just give me another chance?”
Merlin wasn’t usually prone to spur of the moment decisions, but this one really was a no brainer.
“No. Fuck off”
*
“- give me another chance?”
Arthur, on the other hand, was, but even if he weren’t, the words “No. Fuck off” would have still been the easiest thing he’d ever said, and walking away from Sophia the easiest thing he’d ever done.
Of course, in what appeared to be the usual course for his karma (or at least his karma since meeting Merlin), this event was immediately followed by something hard and awkward (and not in a good way), because it was at this point that, while not looking where he was going due to being distracted by congratulating himself on his response to Sophia, Arthur smacked straight into someone, causing both him and them to fall to the (hard, ouchy, concrete) ground like total idiots.
*
Merlin, being in approximately the same state as Arthur, also failed to look where he was going, and thus also smacked straight into Arthur on the path. Of course, being in such a state, he hadn’t noticed that it was Arthur, and thus felt the normal amount of embarrassed, hurt, and stupid that one usually feels upon falling to the ground. When it did realise it was Arthur, his embarrassment only tripled, although fortunately neither his pain nor feelings of stupidity increased (thanks for small miracles).
*
Arthur, despite his many faults, was slightly more observant than Merlin (well, sometimes), and so, after recovering from his initial disorientation from the fall, recalled the other argument he had heard only moments before (well, it was kind of the only argument he’d heard - not really caring for anything Sophia might say, he had opted not to listen to her at all). And from this argument, Arthur came to a conclusion. This conclusion was aided by both the regionals incident and the prize giving incident (although incident was such a negative word, really, and Arthur actually felt pretty good about both ‘incidents), and further confirmed by his own feelings. And the conclusion was thus: he should totally chat Merlin up, and then they should have hot sex (among other things). However, his mouth appeared not to be listening to his brain, and so instead of coming up with some smooth line designed to woo and impress Merlin, instead what came out was: “So, your boyfriend really was a loser, huh? Congrats on breaking up with him. Oh, and congratulations on the scholarship too!”
Sometimes Arthur wished the earth would just swallow him up. Worms didn’t mind bad pick up lines, right?
*
Fortunately for Arthur, Merlin was charmed (and also a little grateful at not having to speak first) by his rather awkward attempts at conversation. He also decided, in the interests of continuing this non-awkwardness, that he would reply.
“Thanks, and congrats to you too, on improving your grades so much. I knew you could do it.”
Of course, Merlin immediately (mentally) smacked himself in the face. Way to sound like a teacher.
And to cause complete silence for like five minutes omg.
*
Fortunately for Merlin, Arthur was only silent because he was largely struck dumb by how charming he found this complete dork how would he ever face anyone again omg but he’s just so adorable I want to marry him and have all his babies eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
Eventually Arthur realised that while he had been experiencing this rather complicated internal monologue, an awkward silence had in fact developed. And so, Arthur decided to go with the blunt approach (because apparently Merlin found it charming, judging by his adorable little blush oh why was he so cute??).
“So being this awkward is a new thing for me. I actually kind of hate it. How about we get to the making out now.”
And so they did.
THE END
author: wayoffbase
prompt: bring it on
pairing: merlin/arthur
rating: pg-13
word count: 7200 words
spoilers.warnings: none, really. CRACK. this shit is bananas, y’all. i don’t know what i was thinking.
author’s notes: this is more inspired by bring it on than actually based on it, but still. i hope y’all like it. i certainly had a great time writing it.
summary: Merlin was not impressed (although admittedly a more accurate rendition of his thoughts would have been ARGHJGAKHVDMHSVMHVDKLhvekrvkckrsgkurehB!!!1!111!!!!)
For Merlin Emrys, waking up screaming was not so unusual, especially when said screaming occurred on the first day of school. What was unusual, however, was the reason for the screaming. Usually, screaming on the first day of school was provoked by a) being six years old and terrified, or b) being sixteen years old and terrified. After all, starting a new school was undoubtedly a good reason to be scared.
Not that dreaming that your cheerleading uniform disappeared, leaving you butt naked in front of hundreds of people, wasn’t a good reason for screaming. It was just an unusual one.
*
And it wasn’t the only thing unusual about that morning. No, what was really unusual (in his opinion, anyway) was that Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther Pendragon, undoubtedly the best cheer captain Camelot College had ever seen (also in his opinion), had just been dumped. Dumped! He was, to say the least, shocked.
It would have been the perfect start to a new school year. Cheer Captain, Senior, Prom King, Most Popular Guy In School Due To Hot College Girlfriend. Everything. The whole nine yards.
But. He. Got. Dumped.
Stupid Girls. Stupid Sophia.
Arthur Pendragon was not impressed.
*
Merlin’s day (which had started out so well, what with the horrendous nightmares and all) was not getting any better.
For starters, the drive to school had been a nightmare. Merlin had hoped that, after seventeen years of school, he could perhaps be dropped off by someone other than his mother. In fact, until about five minutes before he was due to leave the house, he had thought he was going to be dropped off by someone other than his mother. But that, of course, was when said expected ride had called. To cancel.
Talk about unreliable.
Stupid boys (with nice cars). Stupid Will.
Merlin Emrys was not impressed.
*
And the day only went downhill from there.
Due to sad lack of Hot College Girlfriend, and also considerable lack of Consolation By Ownership Of Own Gorgeous Car, Arthur Pendragon was currently being driven to school by his stepsister, Morgana. This, no matter which way you looked at it (or which way 90% of the boys at school looked at her) was not remotely cool or exciting in any way. Also, purple convertibles were many things, but manly was not one of them.
However, despite his complaints, Arthur could have lived with Morgana driving him to school. People at Camelot Academy were used to Morgana. They were used to Arthur. After many torturous minutes, Arthur would have risen above his shame and moved on. Unfortunately, Morgana seemed to have either gone completely mad, or. No. That was the only plausible explanation for why they were currently pulling up outside somewhere apparently called Ealdor High School (Arthur had never heard of it, so it couldn’t possibly be important) and stopping just outside the entrance to the school office.
And that was where things started to get very very strange. Suddenly, Morgana was babbling all this nonsense about Camelot’s principal sending them here to meet with Ealdor’s principal and the Captain of their cheerleading squad because of something like lack of people interested in cheerleading and lack of money and time and new rules and also the world was ending as was foretold in times past as heralded by such catastrophic matters as these. Well. Arthur thought he might have made that last part up. At least 80% sure. Really.
And then Morgana was shoving him out the door and towards the office, telling him to nod and smile and make it quick, because they really were running late for school and Uther would hang him from the roof or at least never buy him a car if he was late for school due to cheerleading one more time before pulling out of her parking space and screeching off into the distance, abandoning him to his fate.
Arthur was so not impressed.
Being late for school was hardly grounds for never getting a car.
And she didn’t need to abandon him, for chrissakes.
*
As it turned out, Morgana hadn’t abandoned him, merely pulled into a parking space a short distance away and settled in for long wait. Merlin became violently aware of this fact (or at least the part about some girl in a purple convertible being parked near the office - not actually knowing Morgana meant he knew nothing further) when he arrived at school approximately fifteen minutes later to find her there, windows down, flirting with his boyfriend.
Having had such a phenomenal day already, this was the last straw for Merlin. He strode purposefully (read: angrily and not a little hilariously) over to the car, nearly taking out some poor dazed looking blonde guy (must be new) on the way, and then stopped, clearing his throat and settling into his most threatening I Am A Cheerleader Hear Me Roar pose (which, y’know, not so threatening, but points for effort and all). Morgana, predictably, was not fazed in the slightest, although Will did look a little guilty (but mostly amused). Merlin, also not being fazed in the slightest by their non-reactions, opened his mouth, and. Well. Was cut off by Gwen, actually, further reinforcing his hate for the day and the world in general.
It was at this point that the day stopped going downhill. This was, of course, because it had reached the bottom of the hill, and thus had nowhere further to go, but nevertheless. If there had been any hill left, however, the downward trend would have continued, because Gwen’s purpose in cutting him off was to tell him the principal wanted to see him. In his office. Now.
In conclusion: Not. Impressed.
*
Arthur was also not impressed. Still. In what seemed to be some enormous cosmic joke at his expense, Arthur had been not only called to the principal’s office (at another school, no less), which never boded well, he had arrived there to find his principal also in attendance. They had then both told him (in that scary, principal-ish manner) that they were still waiting on someone else to arrive before they dealt with The Issue At Hand. Arthur had, unfortunately, missed exactly what this issue was, due to being otherwise occupied. Wracking his brains for what he could have possibly done to a student who he’d never met at a school he never knew existed before today ranked a little higher than listening (in his opinion). It was a very trying task.
It was largely due to this trying task that Arthur missed the arrival of another student in the office. He did, however, pay attention when the principal (Ealdor’s principal) opened his mouth and said “Merlin, congratulations on getting cheerleading captain. Well done etcetera. Now, we have a problem.”
The person he was addressing (presumably Merlin (whom Arthur assumed had just arrived in the office)) looked rather like Arthur felt. Gobsmacked. He opened his mouth, presumably to talk (although at a school like this, who knew what his vocabulary would be like?), but instead merely gasped for a few seconds before finally managing “Captain....?”
Arthur agreed with his sentiment (or at least his unspoken one). This kid was far too scrawny to be a cheerleader at all, let alone a cheerleading captain. Also, he looked funny. Arthur didn’t know much about public schools, but he knew plenty about cheerleading, and even a school like this one surely wanted someone more, well, glamorous, to represent their cheerleaders.
Unfortunately, Arthur also didn’t know much about keeping his mouth shut, which became apparent almost immediately, when what he’d thought was his internal monologue turned out in fact to be his dialogue. This, of course, caused much glaring (from Merlin) and much awkward silence and obnoxious clearing of throats (from principals one and two).
Eventually, Ealdor’s principal pulled himself together enough to speak. “Yes, well. Merlin, despite Mr. Pendragon’s thoughts on the matter, you are in fact Captain of the Cheerleading Squad. Which is why you get to be the one to hear this unhappy news first.”
Camelot’s principal (Arthur was unsure of his exact name) continued (apparently addressing Merlin) “You and Arthur are but two sides of the same coin. This is your destiny!”
Principal A took over again “Anyway. We have decided, that due to low numbers, it would be best if our two schools joined their cheerleading squads together.” He sat back, looking self-satisfied and also a little possessed.
Arthur felt he should say something. A protest. A squeak of disapproval. Something. HE COULDN’T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS IT WAS AGAINST HIS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.
Apparently oblivious to his inner turmoil, Principal B continued (apparently addressing just Merlin again - seriously, he was right there) “That yours and Arthur’s paths lie together is but the truth.”
Whatever. The principal could say whatever he wanted to try and get them to work together. Right now, the only thing Arthur’s path was doing was lying its way to some strong drink.
Seriously. If this was how the day was going to proceed, Arthur at the very least did not want to be aware of it.
Not even having his cheerleading uniform disappear, leaving him butt-naked in front of hundreds of people, could have been worse than this.
*
Merlin was entirely sure he’d had worse days than this. Really, totally sure. Positive. Certain.
He just couldn’t remember any of them right now.
Sure, getting cheerleading captain was great, even though he hadn’t actually wanted it all that much (although extracurriculars do look great on your transcripts). But that was like, the one tiny bright spot - like a match against that really terrible backdrop the drama club had for their play last year - all black velvet and dusty and huge - although come to think of it, perhaps taking a match to it would be the best thing for everybody....anyway.
Basically, bad dreams, bad boyfriends, bad cars? Whatever. Merlin could handle those - they really weren’t that bad. But humungous prats? Ohhh, that was definitely enough to ruin his day.
Seriously.
Who did that guy think he was, anyway? Royalty?
Of course, there was no point in complaining. Complaining would inevitably ensure this day’s place as the worst ever in history, either because a) the principal would hate on him forever and he’d never graduate, b) they’d never get to regionals and never get to compete and everyone would hate him forever, c) they’d get someone else to be Captain, someone who’d do what they wanted, or d) ALL OF THE ABOVE. None of these options were desirable, and all of them would end in DOOM and possibly fainting (which no one wanted, least of all Merlin - waking up disorientated in a bed of roses being stared at by a small frizzy haired girl was not the most fun activity ever - although he had met Gwen that way....never mind.)
This dramatic internal monologue (which took several minutes and much effort) eventually manifested itself as a simple phrase:
“Guess we’d better get on with it then.”
Clearly, the other guy (Arthur? Uther? Andrew?) either a) didn’t speak English (likely) or b) was just dumb (also likely) or c) did not agree. Merlin decided it was the latter when the guy opened his mouth, and words (in English) came spurting out “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!”
Merlin assumed this was a rhetorical question, but was saved from answering by the flirty purple car girl (whom Merlin assumed was also from Arthur’s school, or at least unfortunately associated with him in some way) , who suddenly appeared, Gwen at her side, and said “Arthur. Shut up.” She then turned to him, “Get on with what?”
“Your principal thinks it’s our destiny to combine our cheerleading squads and work together to go to nationals, which is convenient because we don’t have enough people to form a team anyway, and apparently neither do you.”
The girl looked unsurprised. “Well, I suppose we should organise a time to practice then.”
Merlin nodded.
Despite the fact that she was clearly a boyfriend stealing, nice car having, gorgeous bitch, Merlin sincerely hoped the rest of the team took after her.
At least she spoke coherent English.
*
Merlin, being a fan of English, was always keen on consistent themes. Which was why it came as no surprise that, in the apparent theme of the day, the practice was a giant failure.
Five walk outs, four screaming matches, three (calmer) disagreements, two sprained ankles, one frustrated cheerleading squad (and a partridge in a pear tree).
The no doubt imminent insanity didn’t bother Merlin all that much.
Padded walls and strait jackets sounded almost relaxing.
*
Arthur, despite feeling largely the same way Merlin did, chose to express his thoughts in a simpler manner.
“AHDERFGJHEFJ;GVFGBCHGUIFBVYGFHNELUFXHKNCJBHTFGURYFHOUYHERCBDHBVAKSLKSHSJALSHSGDKSJSJSDHSGCJHG!!!!!!”
*
Of course, this was merely the initial expression of Arthur’s thoughts. By the time he’d had both sleep and food, Arthur had managed to organise his thoughts slightly more coherently, and, once he had done so, made the decision to express them.
This expression began with a few words, early in the morning the following day, shortly after breakfast.
“How the hell is this going to work?”
Of course, as this statement lacked both sufficient elaboration and an audience to hear it, it was perhaps not the most efficient way of expressing said feelings.
And so, at several points during the day, Arthur tried again. However, as no one particularly cared, he failed to be successful until late that evening, during dinner. This was largely because despite the fact that Morgana didn’t particularly care either, she at least couldn’t go anywhere at least until she’d finished eating. And so, unfortunately for her, for a solid thirty minutes straight, Morgana was subjected to Arthur’s rather long and rather detailed rant about Merlin Emrys and just exactly what he’d like to do to him bastard how dare he steal half my glory and how dare his school have such ugly cheerleading uniforms and sub-par grounds and ARGHGRAGHGHREAGSKLDAGSJKASLSH. At first Morgana made a few attempts to interrupt and even to defend Merlin (truth be told, she found him to be rather adorable - pity he clearly didn’t fancy girls), but eventually she gave up and pretended to listen (and watch Arthur’s facial expressions - she doubted any comedian could have created anything more hilarious).
Fortunately for her (well, sort of), Arthur was interrupted just before his descent into incoherent rage. Unfortunately for her (and for Arthur) this interruption came in the form of Uther Pendragon, Arthur’s father, clearing his throat. Having lived with Uther for most of her life, Morgana was well aware of what this signal meant, and, sure enough, Uther soon launched into a rant of his own (although he no doubt preferred the term ‘lecture’ or perhaps ‘imparting wisdom’). The rant went along the usual lines - well Arthur if you didn’t focus so much on cheerleading this would never be a problem you really should focus on your grades and your schoolwork because cheerleading won’t get you anywhere in life and it certainly won’t help you in taking over my company when I retire Arthur you really should listen to this ARTHUR JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?!
Arthur, having heard this speech many times before, had opted to leave the room.
*
Merlin was also having a terrible evening, although his was playing out slightly different. Merlin, of course, had no sister to complain to (the closest equivalent, Gwen, was otherwise occupied that night), and his parents, Hunith and Gaius, were out of town at some sort of convention (Merlin hadn’t asked) and did not want to be disturbed. None of this actually bothered Merlin too much - he had planned to spend a quiet evening alone, resisting the urge to scream at the utter unfairness of his situation and maybe doing some homework. He hadn’t thought he’d be bothered, Gwen being busy and Will surely knowing better than to speak to him without at least a week’s worth of grovelling and maybe some high quality chocolate.
Unfortunately, a day spent at college seemed to have dulled rather than sharpened Will’s already average intellect, and at 8pm sharp Merlin heard a knock at the door. And then another knock. And then a series of knocks, followed by a (rather melodic) series of chimes from the doorbell accompanied by yet more knocks. Having ascertained (by sly and sneaky peering out the window) that it was, in fact, Will creating this racket, Merlin gave up on his quiet evening and went to answer the door, knowing without a doubt that if he didn’t, the racket would only get louder and louder until the neighbours called his parents and his grandmother and the whole neighbourhood and the cops on him, and then he’d never get a quiet evening ever again. Sacrificing this one evening really wasn’t too much to ask, and hey, maybe he could get some quality ranting in, which would sure make him feel better.
And so, reluctantly, Merlin let Will in - which was when his evening really started to go downhill. Before Merlin could even open his mouth, Will practically attacked him, pushing him against the wall and covering his mouth with Will’s own. What followed was several minutes of groping, gasping, kissing, and a little moaning, until Merlin realised (by nearly pushing Will through it) that the front door was still open, and the perpetually nosy neighbours had a perfect view of exactly what he was getting up to while his parents were gone, which no doubt would also result in the neighbours calling his parents and his grandmother and the whole neighbourhood and the cops on him, and then he’d never get a quiet evening ever again. It also pulled him out of his stupor, making him realise that despite how, err, talented Will was, he a) hadn’t brought any chocolates b) wasn’t grovelling, and c) hadn’t even given him the chance to rant at all. Merlin decided to take his chances, and just blurt it out.
“Fuck, I had the worst day today. The principal in his infinite wisdom has decided to join our cheerleading squad with Camelot Academy’s, and their captain is a COMPLETE ASSHOLE who thinks he’s better than anybody else, and I have no idea how I’m ever going to work with him, and - mmmph!”
By this point, Will had slipped over to join him by the front door (now closed), and had slid his hand over Merlin’s mouth “Baby, less talking, please.” He removed his hand, replacing it with his mouth briefly before pulling away “Let’s just have some fun, yeah?”
Merlin sighed (internally, anyway). It really wasn’t worth complaining - he could always rant at Gwen tomorrow.
Besides, even if he hadn’t brought chocolates or even apologised at all, Will at least had talents in, well, other areas. It was better than nothing, at least.
*
After the shitty evening he’d had, Merlin had hoped that the next day would be better - ‘tomorrow’s another day’ and all that - but it was apparently not to be. After a morning which consisted of a gruelling chemistry test (ON THE SECOND DAY!), walking into a wall on his way to third period, and Gwen convincing him to admit that yes, Arthur was gorgeous (but still a prat, OMG Gwen you were at practice yesterday how on earth will we ever work together well Merlin I think he’s an incredible babe and my only contribution will be to bat my eyes and be totally unhelpful grrrrrrrrrrrrrr besides I have Will argh how sad is that my only defence is my idiot boyfriend). Needless to say, Merlin did not have high hopes for the afternoon, and by the time cheerleading practice (in perhaps their one moment of agreement, Merlin and Arthur had decided several practices in a row were best at the beginning, so the teams could “bond”) rolled around, Merlin was practically a nervous wreck.
In what seemed to be another reoccurring theme (seriously, what, his life was turning into a novel or some shit), something else unusual nearly occurred - Merlin skipping cheerleading practice.
Clearly the world was ending.
*
And this perception (that the world was ending) only continued to gain support at said cheerleading practise (Merlin knew he should have skipped). Not only did he and Arthur argue a further ten zillion times (not in itself proof of the end of the world), they also nearly came to physical blows. Fortunately for them, they were on opposite sides of a pyramid when this happened, and thus could not reach each other. Unfortunately for Gwen, she was on the top of the pyramid.
At least there were some advantages to having a small cheerleading team i.e. Gwen not having as far to fall and also having the one new recruit (this gorgeous guy called Lancelot - what a name, seriously, it’s like they were in Le Morte Darthur or something) catch her as she fell. Both of these factors ensured her only injury was mildly sprained wrist, luckily enough. It was perhaps the only good thing that came out of her fall (aside from a date with Lancelot, damn he was fine).
Unfortunately, the fall also caused a series of events that went something like this: Arthur and Merlin felt very ashamed of themselves, Arthur and Merlin went home feeling both guilty and angry, Arthur got drunk and called his ex-girlfriend, begging her to take him back (she agreed, idiot), and Merlin had sex with Will (despite the lack of chocolates still). All in all, it was another shitty evening.
And what was worse, it got Merlin thinking about karma, and destiny, and then he thought about Camelot’s weirdo principal and then he had nightmares. Again.
*
However, as was frequently the case, nightmares were the least of Merlin’s worries. Now, Merlin had never really been hung-over before, but being on the cheerleading squad meant he had plenty of experience dealing with other people’s hangovers. Of course, usually those people either threw up on his shoes, told him they were so, so grateful Merlin, really, or just lay in bed (or on a couch, or the sidewalk where they fell asleep) and moaned a lot. All in all, nothing too terrible (well, not for him, anyway). However, because karma or Arthur or weird principals hadn’t fucked up his life enough, said Arthur’s hangover had to, of course, be completely different from every other hangover Merlin had ever had to put up with. Well, he still had the usual headache and bad temper, but never in his life had Merlin had someone want to turn up to cheerleading practise with a hangover (and how much had he had to drink anyway, that he was still hung-over at this time?). It was complete mind boggling, but (unfortunately) completely unavoidable. Arthur was the captain, and so he did really have the right to be there, and even if Merlin (technically the only person on the squad who could wield authority over him) forced him to leave, he would be unlikely to listen to him anyway. So Merlin let him stay, and hoped and prayed etc. etc. that the worst thing he would do would be to snap irritably at some people and throw up on their shoes.
But. Well. This was not the case. Instead, what Arthur did do was climb up to the top of a formation of cheerleaders, lose his balance, and fall off. Fortunately (for Arthur, anyway), Merlin was there to catch him, and, also fortunately (for everyone this time), the shock of nearly breaking his neck seemed to snap Arthur out of his hangover, after which he proceeded to do something to shock Merlin: he said thank-you. Needless to say, Merlin nearly fell over, and, after he’d retained his equilibrium, he had to pinch himself, just to be sure he wasn’t dreaming. Sure enough, the pinch hurt like fuck, but it still didn’t convince him he wasn’t dreaming (again). Instead, Merlin merely became more and more confused, as Arthur picked them both up off the ground, informed everyone that he was unwell, and then apologised for having to leave cheerleading practice due to said illness. And then, in an event that convinced Merlin that there must surely be something in the water, Arthur asked him for his email address, so they could discuss cheerleading matters. Still speechless and stunned, Merlin gave it to him, at which time Arthur apologised again, promised to email him, and then left the practice.
Needless to say, everyone was stunned.
*
Well, not everyone. Arthur was pretty calm, on account of the whole he at least had an explanation for his behaviour. It wasn’t a very long explanation, or even a very complicated one. Indeed, it could be summed up in a short paragraph:
Morgana was scary. Especially when she found you drunk dialling your girlfriend to complain about ‘that other cheerleading captain, he’s just sooooo annooooying....’. And especially when Morgana herself rather liked Merlin (and she was dead convinced you did too, and all this fighting and complaining was just immature pigtail pulling). Yeah. She was really scary. The end.
(Although maybe, just maybe, under plenty of duress or (the influence of) plenty of alcohol, Arthur could be forced to admit that yes, okay, he had realised that maybe Merlin was kind of, sort of, just a little bit adorable ok shut up.)
*
Of course, Morgana wasn’t quite scary enough (or mean enough, no matter what anyone thought) to force Arthur into emailing Merlin. That (for some mysterious (to him) reason) he did himself. Repeatedly and nervously. Until Merlin finally replied, at which time he relaxed (briefly), and then set about composing his return email (which in turn made him both nervous and awkward again, and indeed took up large portions of his evening). Fortunately for him, Merlin replied quickly to all his emails, and all the comments in them, even the truly inane ones, and, eventually, the emails stopped being about cheerleading at all. Unfortunately, however, just as the two of them were trying to start a proper conversation (literally, just as Merlin typed the first line on a reply email), Merlin received a knock on the door, and Arthur received a phone call. From, of course, the two people most likely to distract them from, as Arthur’s weird principal would say, ‘their destiny’. And although both of them (this time) managed to persuade their respective significant others to go away, it still rather effectively ended their conversation, both feeling awkward and slightly guilty (although neither could really figure out why).
*
For once, however, this awkwardness didn’t affect any events the next day (i.e. cheerleading practise). Instead, everything went far more smoothly that it had so far. The practise that day, the meeting with the principals to discuss their progress, the organisation required to take them to regionals. Even the regionals themselves went smoothly, ensuring their team a place in the finals. Overall, everything was wonderful.
That was, of course, until their team, ecstatic at moving through to the finals (for Ealdor, it was their first time), sprinted off stage, intent on heading out to party. Merlin went with them, and was halfway out the door when he realised Arthur was nowhere to be seen (and so went back to look for him). After much searching, he found him lying on the bleachers next to the stage, staring at the ceiling and apparently humming something under his breath.
Merlin didn’t say anything immediately, just sat down beside him and waited, hoping Arthur would eventually say something (or at least stop humming), and, after about ten minutes, he did (both say something and stop humming, although not in that particular order).
“Did your parents come today?” Arthur didn’t wait for an answer “Mind didn’t. Well, my mother, being dead, at least has an excuse. My father, on the other hand. It’s not like he’s actually busy - in fact, I doubt he’s doing anything at all. He just doesn’t care.”
Merlin didn’t say anything, just shifted closer to Arthur, lifting one hand to rest on his shoulder in an effort to be comforting. Arthur, in response, moved closer, resting his head against the edge of Merlin’s thigh before continuing.
“Do you know what’s the saddest thing? I only took up cheerleading to make him proud. I’ve always been good at gymnastics and dance, and I thought why not? At least I can be good at something, make him pay attention and be happy with me for once. And he doesn’t even care.” Arthur paused “I don’t know. Whatever. It’s not like it matters anyway. You shouldn’t have to listen to this.” But while he stopped talking he didn’t move away, just lay in silence, resting against Merlin. After a while he shifted, sitting up and pressing their legs together on the bench and then, when Merlin encouraged him, leaned his head on Merlin’s shoulder. For a while they sat in silence, and then slowly, Merlin let his hand slide across his lap, toward Arthur’s. It took some time, but eventually Arthur’s hand slid to meet his, and they gently linked their fingers together. Again, they sat in silence, and the hall slowly turned dark as the sun went down outside. Eventually electric lights flickered on outside, flooding the room with pale orange light, but in that brief moment of complete darkness, Arthur and Merlin moved even closer, and slowly, tentatively, Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur’s. Arthur responded, opening his mouth slightly to press his tongue against Merlin’s, who in turn had opened his mouth to reciprocate. They kissed slowly, hands clasped in their laps, for what seemed like forever, but, when the lights flickered on outside, Arthur broke away. He then stuttered out something almost incomprehensible (maybe something likeSophiadateomgwhatIonlydategirls whatamIgoingtodo) before fleeing the gym, leaving Merlin staring after him, looking utterly confused.
*
This scene, in what seemed to be a fixed pattern of EXTREME AWKWARDNESS and then relative calm and then EXTREME AWKWARDNESS again, was soon followed by the following, rather stilted (and awkward) conversation:
“Yeah, umm, I kind of have a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, me too. Well. A boyfriend. But...”
“Yeah, the idea is the same.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
*
Funnily enough, these statements became untrue almost immediately. In fact, about twenty minutes after the two of them had this conversation, Arthur received a phone call from Sophia. For a while he considered not answering it, but eventually his sense of politeness won out over his desire to avoid her, and so he answered the call. This actually turned out rather well for Arthur, although not so much for Sophia. She had, of course, in the tradition of ‘dumpers’ all over the world, hoped to get Arthur’s voice mail, at which time she would leave a cute but regretful message, making the whole process perfectly neat and tidy, with no need to listen to any tears, ranting, or begging from the one being dumped. Also, she was in general a cowardly person, and really didn’t want to speak to Arthur at all. Unfortunately for her, Arthur answered his phone, and she had to instead blurt out something quick and concise, in an effort to get off the phone as quickly as possible. This at least she managed, near shouting “I’m breaking up with you” into the phone, before hanging up as quickly as possible, although not in time to avoid what sounded like a sigh of relief, followed shortly after by an ecstatic whoop! and then a yahoo! before the line went dead. Sophia felt rather put out.
*
Will didn’t feel much better, although this was largely because he was the one getting dumped. In a not unsurprising twist, Merlin had gone to see Will, to confess about the kiss and to apologise, only to find him in bed with someone else (the someone else happened to be Sophia, but Merlin didn’t know that). This, of course, led to Will being smacked over the head with a pillow, screamed at and then dumped, shortly followed by Merlin slamming the door behind him. This dramatic outburst made Merlin feel rather better, and so his actions then followed a similar line to Arthur’s (that of a whoop! and a yahoo!). Will, however, felt rather put out, both because he had been dumped, and because Sophia clearly wasn’t ‘in the mood’. Really, Will thought, what was the point in getting dumped if you didn’t at least get to have some fun with the other person you were sleeping with? Honestly. Will was not impressed.
*
However, while both Merlin and Arthur felt rather good about themselves, these events still ensured near perpetual awkwardness between Will, Merlin, Arthur, and Sophia (on account of the whole well we broke up where do I stand with everyone else now I am so confused). It also ensured that the whole (six hour) trip to the nationals, every practise, every group event, and every conversation turned out awkward and stilted, which in turn caused much uneasiness and blind panic about the outcome of the nationals, and the fate of the squad and perhaps the universe in general (they all knew how dramatic Arthur, at least, could be, and Merlin, everyone swore, had magic powers which he would no doubt use to the detriment of all if anything went wrong).
All in all, it was an extremely tense three days.
*
Fortunately, despite this general awkwardness, the routine itself was flawless. Every flip, twist, dance move, everything was perfect. Merlin was so happy he could have kissed someone (read: Arthur), and everyone else was ecstatic too (although not quite so ecstatic as to kiss Arthur, besides, Merlin would have taken them out if they had).
Unfortunately, Arthur did not appear to be so happy. Sure, he smiled and congratulated his squad, and even gave a few high fives, but he didn’t really smile. Merlin, despite feeling awkward, was determined to figure out what was wrong with him, although he thought he could probably guess. And so, through much dancing and high fiving and general peril, Merlin made his way over to Arthur (who was on the other side of the room), and asked “What’s wrong?”
Arthur, who of course also felt extremely awkward and was thus ignoring him (or else really needed to get his ears checked, as Merlin had just shouted in said ears), didn’t answer. And so Merlin, never one to give up, decided to try again, louder this time. “I DIDN’T SEE YOUR FATHER OUT THERE?”
This time, Arthur looked at him, said “That’s because he wasn’t there. Why would he ever come to anything like this?” and then stormed off.
Merlin, still undeterred, followed him to a spot just outside the arena, where they merely stood in silence (Merlin had learned that talking at Arthur was perhaps the least effective method of communicating with him - he had this uncanny ability to block you out completely) until, eventually, Arthur cracked.
“I just wish he’d at least pretend to be interested, you know?”
Merlin smiled. “You’d hate that. I’m at least 93% sure you’d prefer he went on blatantly hating cheerleading.”
Arthur’s lips twitched a little. “Yeah, probably. But, I mean, it would be nice to have somebody who was proud of me.”
Merlin grinned. “Just one person?”
“That would be nice.”
Merlin moved closer, slinging his arm around Arthur’s neck “Well, you’ve got me.”
*
“Arthur.”
Arthur, who was already feeling a little out of sorts (on account of the whole Merlin Being Totally Sweet And Amazing Thing), was, needless to say, less than pleased when he heard his father’s voice, especially saying his name. Usually occasions like this were followed by a lecture or scolding of some kind, and Arthur was really not in the mood.
Of course, he then realised that his dad was at a CHEERLEADING COMPETITION WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING HERE BUWHA?
Uther, apparently having failed to notice his son’s deep internal conflict, had continued to speak. “Arthur, I’ve been speaking to your principal” yet another bad sentence what the hell was going on “and he says your grades have drastically improved over the past year, and that he is very pleased with your progress, or at least that is what I think he said - he’s a very strange man.”
Uther apparently felt this announcement was sufficient, and so fell silent. This apparently made Merlin feel the need to fill in the silence why oh why Merlin would you do that. “Cheerleaders can be smart, you know. Arthur especially. He’s very talented, you know.”
Uther appeared to find his voice again “I can. See that. Well Arthur, perhaps I will have to give this cheerleading thing a second chance.”
“You should. As well as being intelligent, Arthur’s also a brilliant cheerleader.”
It was at this point Arthur’s emotional control slipped completely, and he proceeded to turn bright red (better than crying, he supposed), before mumbling something incoherent and dragging Merlin off to the awards ceremony.
*
“Despite having to overcome some difficulties this year, this team certainly pulled together an excellent routine, one that was unanimously voted the winner of this year’s national cheerleading competition. And so, without further ado, it gives me great pleasure to announce that in first place are the Camelot - Ealdor Knights from Camelot, Albion!!”
Merlin nearly fell off the stage.
However, his body chose what it apparently thought would be the less embarrassing option, and decided to fall onto Arthur instead, and then GRAB HIM AND KISS HIM OMG MERLIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Merlin then proceeded to turn bright red (he matched the uniform, Arthur thought it was kind of cute), and ran away, while in the background Arthur’s weird principal shouted:
“Do not run now! You are only beginning to fulfil your destiny!”
“Hey, baby, I’m so -“
*
“Baby look, I’m so-“
*
“ - happy to see you again, look, I know I’ve been a little distant this year, so -“
*
“-sorry, you have no idea how much I -“
*
“ - regret it, really, babe, wish I hadn’t done it, I so -“
*
“- miss you, really, baby, please-“
*
“- don’t want you to hate me for this, please -“
*
“-forgive me, I promise I’ll do better if you just -“
*
“- listen to me, I just need you to-“
*
“- forgive me, babe, honestly, Sophia didn’t even matter to me, I only want you, -“
*
“-, to just listen to me, please, I really want to apologize, I am so sorry, really, -“
*
“ - honestly, I was an idiot and I should have never let you go, baby, I just -“
*
“ - love you babe, so much, Arthur, please, I really -“
*
“ - love you baby, so much, we should be together, we’re just - “
*
“-meant to be, just-“
*
“- so perfect for each other, honestly, won’t you -“
*
“ - please listen to what I’m saying, I want you to-“
*
“- just give me another chance?”
Merlin wasn’t usually prone to spur of the moment decisions, but this one really was a no brainer.
“No. Fuck off”
*
“- give me another chance?”
Arthur, on the other hand, was, but even if he weren’t, the words “No. Fuck off” would have still been the easiest thing he’d ever said, and walking away from Sophia the easiest thing he’d ever done.
Of course, in what appeared to be the usual course for his karma (or at least his karma since meeting Merlin), this event was immediately followed by something hard and awkward (and not in a good way), because it was at this point that, while not looking where he was going due to being distracted by congratulating himself on his response to Sophia, Arthur smacked straight into someone, causing both him and them to fall to the (hard, ouchy, concrete) ground like total idiots.
*
Merlin, being in approximately the same state as Arthur, also failed to look where he was going, and thus also smacked straight into Arthur on the path. Of course, being in such a state, he hadn’t noticed that it was Arthur, and thus felt the normal amount of embarrassed, hurt, and stupid that one usually feels upon falling to the ground. When it did realise it was Arthur, his embarrassment only tripled, although fortunately neither his pain nor feelings of stupidity increased (thanks for small miracles).
*
Arthur, despite his many faults, was slightly more observant than Merlin (well, sometimes), and so, after recovering from his initial disorientation from the fall, recalled the other argument he had heard only moments before (well, it was kind of the only argument he’d heard - not really caring for anything Sophia might say, he had opted not to listen to her at all). And from this argument, Arthur came to a conclusion. This conclusion was aided by both the regionals incident and the prize giving incident (although incident was such a negative word, really, and Arthur actually felt pretty good about both ‘incidents), and further confirmed by his own feelings. And the conclusion was thus: he should totally chat Merlin up, and then they should have hot sex (among other things). However, his mouth appeared not to be listening to his brain, and so instead of coming up with some smooth line designed to woo and impress Merlin, instead what came out was: “So, your boyfriend really was a loser, huh? Congrats on breaking up with him. Oh, and congratulations on the scholarship too!”
Sometimes Arthur wished the earth would just swallow him up. Worms didn’t mind bad pick up lines, right?
*
Fortunately for Arthur, Merlin was charmed (and also a little grateful at not having to speak first) by his rather awkward attempts at conversation. He also decided, in the interests of continuing this non-awkwardness, that he would reply.
“Thanks, and congrats to you too, on improving your grades so much. I knew you could do it.”
Of course, Merlin immediately (mentally) smacked himself in the face. Way to sound like a teacher.
And to cause complete silence for like five minutes omg.
*
Fortunately for Merlin, Arthur was only silent because he was largely struck dumb by how charming he found this complete dork how would he ever face anyone again omg but he’s just so adorable I want to marry him and have all his babies eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
Eventually Arthur realised that while he had been experiencing this rather complicated internal monologue, an awkward silence had in fact developed. And so, Arthur decided to go with the blunt approach (because apparently Merlin found it charming, judging by his adorable little blush oh why was he so cute??).
“So being this awkward is a new thing for me. I actually kind of hate it. How about we get to the making out now.”
And so they did.
THE END