(no subject)
I haven't written in here in a while. It seems kinda pointless. My life is boring. There's never anything exciting going on.
I've actually been feeling really upset lately about how I left college. Like, I've never felt like a bigger loser in my life. Tomorrow is exactly one year since I graduated high school & I've done nothing in that year. Nothing worthy of any recognition anyway. I need to call CCP so I can finalllly register for classes. I sent all of my info in, but if I'm not in school by the Fall I fear I'll lose my mind.
I know I say this all the time, but I really need a new job. There were a few times in the past few weeks where I almost walked out, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. & the reason I NEED to leave is the one reason that I can't. Nick has finally and officially broken my heart into a million pieces and I think we're finally done. For real this time. He's the reason I need a new job, because I know I'll never have to see him or talk to him again. But, I also know that if I quit, I'll never see him or talk to him and that's just not something I'm prepared to deal with. Being friends with him is going to be hard enough, I don't want to have to lose him from my life completely. The fact that I finally admitted I'm in love with him, to myself & to him (drunkenly of course), isn't helping me any. Not at all.
I just wish this last year never happened. Can we go back to the summer of 06? Before I decided to be a college dropout. Before I worked at Uno's. Before I met Nick McIlvaine. Before I gave up everything I believed.
I've actually been feeling really upset lately about how I left college. Like, I've never felt like a bigger loser in my life. Tomorrow is exactly one year since I graduated high school & I've done nothing in that year. Nothing worthy of any recognition anyway. I need to call CCP so I can finalllly register for classes. I sent all of my info in, but if I'm not in school by the Fall I fear I'll lose my mind.
I know I say this all the time, but I really need a new job. There were a few times in the past few weeks where I almost walked out, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. & the reason I NEED to leave is the one reason that I can't. Nick has finally and officially broken my heart into a million pieces and I think we're finally done. For real this time. He's the reason I need a new job, because I know I'll never have to see him or talk to him again. But, I also know that if I quit, I'll never see him or talk to him and that's just not something I'm prepared to deal with. Being friends with him is going to be hard enough, I don't want to have to lose him from my life completely. The fact that I finally admitted I'm in love with him, to myself & to him (drunkenly of course), isn't helping me any. Not at all.
I just wish this last year never happened. Can we go back to the summer of 06? Before I decided to be a college dropout. Before I worked at Uno's. Before I met Nick McIlvaine. Before I gave up everything I believed.