(no subject)

[way_parasitical]

halloween was theatrical. my costume looked rad and gordo's haunted house/party was a raging success. i had tons of fun grabbing ankles, but no fun telling everyone that i was NOT dressed up as the chick from "the fifth element". oh well. the weekend came to a nice close but the calm didn't last long. gordo and i fought again and i hated every minute of it, except when he grumpily growled "i love you" at the end of a heated conversation. i find his begrudging show of affection totally adorable, and it's even more adorable how much our serious talks effect him emotionally. i think things will be easier now that we've clarified a few points, but only time will tell. on the plus-side, our disagreements are bringing us closer together; mutually acknowledging and accepting each other's flaws... it's glorious. i wish i could describe the feeling i got in my chest and throat when i held his face and looked straight into his eyes and told him i love him in spite of his imperfections. i love desperate, beautiful moments like that one. i love his sweet, sleepy voice, and how his first instinct when i start to pull away is to hold me tighter.

in other news i really want to make music but don't have much time, really want to figure out what i'm doing after college but don't have the energy to think about that yet (i feel like i have enough on my plate just thinking about next week), and really want to get myself to point where i'm comfortable and stable enough to not turn to intoxicants every time i wanna take the edge off. addiction runs in my family, after all, so i gotta be careful.

all-in-all, i'm doing good.