TMI TMI TMI
my therapist told me i had to start paying $10 co-pays per each visit and at 4 visits a week and 4 weeks in a month comes out to $160 a month. so obviously i had to call my parents. and they said what i was thinking, that $160 would be financially feasible for them should my mental health necessitate it, but they don't think that my mental health necessitates 4 visits a week. and neither do i. it's a 40 minute trip to and from a 50 minute appointment makes for 2 hours and 10 minutes times 4 equals 8 hours and 40 minutes a week. time consuming, as well as exhausting. plus, she's not that fabulous of a therapist. so next time i saw her i told her i wanted to cut it down to 1 or 2 times per week so i could have time to devote to other stuff and also to see how it made me feel (because therapy is pretty exhausting). and she totally objected and challenged my parents and asked me "do you always do what your parents tell you?" and was generally just really pushy so now i don't really care to see her at all.
when told gordo that i didn't know if i'd be seeing her anymore now that she's shown her true colors he replied "i don't know if that's a good idea, baby..." i laughed and thanked him sarcastically. he went on, "but really... i think going to therapy is good for you. if you stop seeing your current therapist you should have another one lined up first." isn't it cute how he cares? or rather, doesn't care to deal with me when i have emotional issues? he's got a good point, though, and it's actually pretty nice to have someone around who can keep me in check, since i do tend to lose control. i do, after all, understand my past mistakes, do not care to repeat them, and warned him of my troublesome tendencies from the beginning. he's seen how i get and i've told him how i get and neither one of us wants me to get like that, so i boost up the pragmatism and he takes precautions. last night i mentioned the birth control pill and his immediate concern was how it would effect me emotionally. and i told him the truth, that in the past i've definitely gotten seriously fucked up when i'm on it, and he said that using condoms is not a problem so if it's better for me to let my hormones do their thing then let 'em do it. he's got a point, but the truth is i just think making love ain't the same with a latex partition keeping you separate.
so blake told us less than a month ago that he was moving out at the end of this month and we were really dreading finding a new roommate but also really looking forward to finding a new roommate because blake was being a pretty monumental jerk for a while. then we get a text on sunday saying he's staying after all... and now i have to completely readjust my attitude towards him! because it helps to be friends with the people you live with rather than simply tolerant of them.
the weekend was great. friday night was the venturetek performance. saturday my mom and mark came to visit and took me and gordo out to lunch. it was awkward and silly but ultimately a success... mom says she approves. how couldn't she? my beau was so nice and so polite and so sweet and so amicable, any mother should feel lucky to trust such a splendid young man with her daughter's heart. saturday night was the last performance of tiny feet and it was a tremendous success, packed crowd! afterwards i went home and dyed my hair. sunday was the how weird street fair, i biked down to soma with ben to attend. did a bit of dancing, mostly wandering and phototaking. i saw molly from camp and ran into katie for the first time in ages ages ages. we hugged and were happy to see each other and she introduced me to her boy sam. too much noise to do any catching up, although we danced in close proximity for a while before i wandered off again. i set off before the festivities were over in order to meet gordo as he got off work and together we skateboarded and biked allllllll the way back to my house. he is a killer skateboarder, a true speed demon! i studied and he napped and the sun went down and i cooked us dinner. we got ice cream and made milkshakes and i wished i had lots of interesting things to say... but i had nothing. so we just kissed and cuddled and played with jenga blocks and dominos.
the feeling of him sometimes overwhelms me, the extent of his affection sometimes makes me insecure. am i really the greatest? am i really your favorite? but my skin's breaking out and i can't digest dairy and i've got a million emotional problems and compulsions and my sex drive is shot and you said it yourself that i rarely make the first move (i've been working on that), so what is it about me that you find so irresistible?? i suppose the same argument could go for him, that he's broke and didn't finish college and has no sense of smell and still plays with toys.... i guess the point (of love), however, is that we're both flawed and love each other in spite of it. still, it weirds me out sometimes. he tells me he loves me a lot and i don't know what to make of it. last night after he said it about four times in a row he asked, "do you believe me?"
why does he need to ask a question like that?
i pumped out a fifteen page essay yesterday. school is dominating my life right now. annnnd time to leave for class!
when told gordo that i didn't know if i'd be seeing her anymore now that she's shown her true colors he replied "i don't know if that's a good idea, baby..." i laughed and thanked him sarcastically. he went on, "but really... i think going to therapy is good for you. if you stop seeing your current therapist you should have another one lined up first." isn't it cute how he cares? or rather, doesn't care to deal with me when i have emotional issues? he's got a good point, though, and it's actually pretty nice to have someone around who can keep me in check, since i do tend to lose control. i do, after all, understand my past mistakes, do not care to repeat them, and warned him of my troublesome tendencies from the beginning. he's seen how i get and i've told him how i get and neither one of us wants me to get like that, so i boost up the pragmatism and he takes precautions. last night i mentioned the birth control pill and his immediate concern was how it would effect me emotionally. and i told him the truth, that in the past i've definitely gotten seriously fucked up when i'm on it, and he said that using condoms is not a problem so if it's better for me to let my hormones do their thing then let 'em do it. he's got a point, but the truth is i just think making love ain't the same with a latex partition keeping you separate.
so blake told us less than a month ago that he was moving out at the end of this month and we were really dreading finding a new roommate but also really looking forward to finding a new roommate because blake was being a pretty monumental jerk for a while. then we get a text on sunday saying he's staying after all... and now i have to completely readjust my attitude towards him! because it helps to be friends with the people you live with rather than simply tolerant of them.
the weekend was great. friday night was the venturetek performance. saturday my mom and mark came to visit and took me and gordo out to lunch. it was awkward and silly but ultimately a success... mom says she approves. how couldn't she? my beau was so nice and so polite and so sweet and so amicable, any mother should feel lucky to trust such a splendid young man with her daughter's heart. saturday night was the last performance of tiny feet and it was a tremendous success, packed crowd! afterwards i went home and dyed my hair. sunday was the how weird street fair, i biked down to soma with ben to attend. did a bit of dancing, mostly wandering and phototaking. i saw molly from camp and ran into katie for the first time in ages ages ages. we hugged and were happy to see each other and she introduced me to her boy sam. too much noise to do any catching up, although we danced in close proximity for a while before i wandered off again. i set off before the festivities were over in order to meet gordo as he got off work and together we skateboarded and biked allllllll the way back to my house. he is a killer skateboarder, a true speed demon! i studied and he napped and the sun went down and i cooked us dinner. we got ice cream and made milkshakes and i wished i had lots of interesting things to say... but i had nothing. so we just kissed and cuddled and played with jenga blocks and dominos.
the feeling of him sometimes overwhelms me, the extent of his affection sometimes makes me insecure. am i really the greatest? am i really your favorite? but my skin's breaking out and i can't digest dairy and i've got a million emotional problems and compulsions and my sex drive is shot and you said it yourself that i rarely make the first move (i've been working on that), so what is it about me that you find so irresistible?? i suppose the same argument could go for him, that he's broke and didn't finish college and has no sense of smell and still plays with toys.... i guess the point (of love), however, is that we're both flawed and love each other in spite of it. still, it weirds me out sometimes. he tells me he loves me a lot and i don't know what to make of it. last night after he said it about four times in a row he asked, "do you believe me?"
why does he need to ask a question like that?
i pumped out a fifteen page essay yesterday. school is dominating my life right now. annnnd time to leave for class!