Actor shot repeatedly in head, groin.
Actor Jack Palance was laid to rest today November 11th, 2006.
According to the medical examiners report released today Palance passed away for the first time in the late 1960's. Before 1967 Jack Palance sold flower arrangements, took care of stray animals in a small shop in San Fransico, and was known by the locals as "Pally".
Sometime between the summer of love and the early 70's his slowly decaying corpse was revived by a cult of bloodthirsty hollywood executives who spent their nights raising the dead and casting them in low-budget softcore zombie porno flicks (Also known as 70's porno). The Zombie Palance quickly moved up from the ranks of softcore porn, to low-budget tough guy movies and was soon jumped to big budget movies as the Joker's boss in "Batman" (1989) and the tough old coot Curly in "City Slickers." He also graced the small screen with his prescence as the host of "Ripley's believe it or not" The Zombie Palance famously did one-armed pushups during his acceptance speech for "Best Zombie in a Cowboy movie" at the emmy's that year. And was a spokesperson for Viagra, which proved to help reduce the effects of rigourmortis in the undead, and undying.
But all that was brought to an ubrupt end earlier this week when the Zombie Palance was shot in the head and groin repeatedly by Stephen King, known for his extremely racist novels where the undead are frequently depicted as murderers, tricksters, rapists and the like. King has been known to commit hate-crimes against the undead in the past.
No charges were brought against King since charges of murder can only apply the first time someone dies, believe it or not.
According to the medical examiners report released today Palance passed away for the first time in the late 1960's. Before 1967 Jack Palance sold flower arrangements, took care of stray animals in a small shop in San Fransico, and was known by the locals as "Pally".
Sometime between the summer of love and the early 70's his slowly decaying corpse was revived by a cult of bloodthirsty hollywood executives who spent their nights raising the dead and casting them in low-budget softcore zombie porno flicks (Also known as 70's porno). The Zombie Palance quickly moved up from the ranks of softcore porn, to low-budget tough guy movies and was soon jumped to big budget movies as the Joker's boss in "Batman" (1989) and the tough old coot Curly in "City Slickers." He also graced the small screen with his prescence as the host of "Ripley's believe it or not" The Zombie Palance famously did one-armed pushups during his acceptance speech for "Best Zombie in a Cowboy movie" at the emmy's that year. And was a spokesperson for Viagra, which proved to help reduce the effects of rigourmortis in the undead, and undying.
But all that was brought to an ubrupt end earlier this week when the Zombie Palance was shot in the head and groin repeatedly by Stephen King, known for his extremely racist novels where the undead are frequently depicted as murderers, tricksters, rapists and the like. King has been known to commit hate-crimes against the undead in the past.
No charges were brought against King since charges of murder can only apply the first time someone dies, believe it or not.