Jul 15, 2005 22:30
In over my head.
I am working too long of days.
getting up at 6:30.. is already too much for me.. never mind having an 8.5 hr shift there.. then takin on another 4hr or 6hr shift at target.... yeah every chance that i've laid on a couch to take a breather.. i've fallen asleep....and now for tha next 2 weeks its tha same.. cept more 6 hr shifts as opposed to 4 hr shifts....... i dunno if the money is worth all this work ( yeah i just needed to complain some where some more cuz its what i do best.)
but otherwise.. life is just peachy.
New Discovery despite my tiresomeness ( i am making that a word) is a lot of fun... met some awesome poeple there and they make it fun... but wats also cool is..... i have more fucking power than any assistant there... andddd.. if they need a teacher cuz one calls in sick.. i get to be one!!!!... fuck yea... power is nice lol.. u should try getting sum
So yeah... i've been thinking....(this has been in my head for a long time and i've prob said it in entries before.. but its stuck in my head and it needs to get out again.)
For many years I have dreamt of the day that I will relocate to another part of the state, knowing I could never get any farther than that. I put all my hopes and dreams into working hard enough to get away. Binghamton was the dream of getting away, getting a new life, leaving all my problems behind me. In the past few months I have realized that the distance is not the solution to solving my problems, its realizing why they happened, and what founding effect they had on my life. I don't have to leave to solve my problems, I have already solved them. Now the only thing is... I am leaving. I must follow my plans. I mean i'm not disapointed or anything, I'm just lost as to knowing if i chose the school just because i wanted to get away? or was it because the school really was the right place for me?
And i am fully aware this might sound pathetic, and most all of you won't know what I'm saying.. but..just these past 3 days, and 2 days left to come... have been hell. Being alone without you is my hell...I have realized that i am so spoiled seeing you as much as i do but..that will soon change.. i dunno how ima last upstate with out you. I miss you bad. <3