"naked as a jaybird"
there is a naked woman standing outside my door. for the last 15 minutes she's been...
ok i typed that about 20 minutes ago. here's what happened:
i was downstairs in the kitchen making some tea and i heard a banging noise and thought my mom had dropped something or i don't know, something, so i went upstairs to my room and a couple minutes later my mom came to my door and said, "Is Dave outside?" and i said, "No. He has a key, he'd be in the house already." and she said, "Well there's someone outside the gate, i can see them on the monitor. They've been there for a while."
so Jeff went downstairs and opened the door and said, "Hi...noooooo, I'm the only man here...uuuuuuum, ok." and shut the door. he turns around facing us with his arms outstretched and says, "There's a naked woman out there. She's just staring at the door. She says her husband is inside and that she'll just wait for him. I told her he's not, but she's still gonna wait."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah she's naked, not a stitch on. Naked as a jaybird."
so my mom kinda yells, "Call the cops...ok fine I'm calling the cops." so she calls the cops and as we're waiting for them to get here we all gather together in my old room and watch her from the window and sure enough, she's naked with her arms crossed in front of her, mere inches away from the gate, staring at the door (that's where the banging noise came from, she was shaking the gate). she just stood there for a real long time and was standing there for quite a while before my mom even said anything to me, my mom was watching the monitor wondering who was out there and thought that i was at the door speaking to whoever it was because apparently the girl was talking...tooooooooo nothing.
as we're watching her and waiting for the cops a number of things fell out of Jeff's mouth (of course), and some of them were:
"Well, there goes the ice cream social!"
"We're gonna be black balled."
"I can only imagine what the neighbors are thinking."
"This woman is nuts!"
"Where the heck are the cops?!"
"She said, 'I'm waiting for my husband' and I said, 'That's not me!'"
"I thought this was my Valentine's present."
and my favorite:
"I'm just sick of all these naked women showing up at my door. Just sick of it! I'm getting too old for this. They just line up outside my door, especially around Valentine's Day. i mean coooome oooooon."
when the cops got here, they told Jeff to just wait inside for a minute while they spoke to her. they made her put her clothes back on and then walked her to the cop cars (there were four, one was an Escalade). one of the officers told us that she claimed she and her husband had just recently bought this house and she was waiting for him to come outside for a late night rendezvous (it's only 8pm). the officer was really pleasant and didn't get upset when we were laughing at the situation. he thanked us for calling them and then told us they would have to take her to a hospital or something and said goodnight.
we all went upstairs in Jeff's room and sat at the window watching the cops talk to this woman for another 10 or 15 minutes, where she seemed to get very agitated and upset at one point and then they cuffed her and put her in one of the cars and drove off and the neighbors were outside watching hahaha.
she had to either be on something, crazy, or both. that was the most absurd and bizarre thing ever.
ok i typed that about 20 minutes ago. here's what happened:
i was downstairs in the kitchen making some tea and i heard a banging noise and thought my mom had dropped something or i don't know, something, so i went upstairs to my room and a couple minutes later my mom came to my door and said, "Is Dave outside?" and i said, "No. He has a key, he'd be in the house already." and she said, "Well there's someone outside the gate, i can see them on the monitor. They've been there for a while."
so Jeff went downstairs and opened the door and said, "Hi...noooooo, I'm the only man here...uuuuuuum, ok." and shut the door. he turns around facing us with his arms outstretched and says, "There's a naked woman out there. She's just staring at the door. She says her husband is inside and that she'll just wait for him. I told her he's not, but she's still gonna wait."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah she's naked, not a stitch on. Naked as a jaybird."
so my mom kinda yells, "Call the cops...ok fine I'm calling the cops." so she calls the cops and as we're waiting for them to get here we all gather together in my old room and watch her from the window and sure enough, she's naked with her arms crossed in front of her, mere inches away from the gate, staring at the door (that's where the banging noise came from, she was shaking the gate). she just stood there for a real long time and was standing there for quite a while before my mom even said anything to me, my mom was watching the monitor wondering who was out there and thought that i was at the door speaking to whoever it was because apparently the girl was talking...tooooooooo nothing.
as we're watching her and waiting for the cops a number of things fell out of Jeff's mouth (of course), and some of them were:
"Well, there goes the ice cream social!"
"We're gonna be black balled."
"I can only imagine what the neighbors are thinking."
"This woman is nuts!"
"Where the heck are the cops?!"
"She said, 'I'm waiting for my husband' and I said, 'That's not me!'"
"I thought this was my Valentine's present."
and my favorite:
"I'm just sick of all these naked women showing up at my door. Just sick of it! I'm getting too old for this. They just line up outside my door, especially around Valentine's Day. i mean coooome oooooon."
when the cops got here, they told Jeff to just wait inside for a minute while they spoke to her. they made her put her clothes back on and then walked her to the cop cars (there were four, one was an Escalade). one of the officers told us that she claimed she and her husband had just recently bought this house and she was waiting for him to come outside for a late night rendezvous (it's only 8pm). the officer was really pleasant and didn't get upset when we were laughing at the situation. he thanked us for calling them and then told us they would have to take her to a hospital or something and said goodnight.
we all went upstairs in Jeff's room and sat at the window watching the cops talk to this woman for another 10 or 15 minutes, where she seemed to get very agitated and upset at one point and then they cuffed her and put her in one of the cars and drove off and the neighbors were outside watching hahaha.
she had to either be on something, crazy, or both. that was the most absurd and bizarre thing ever.