29 weeks huh
Well I guess its been 29 weeks since i've posted anything in here. Which means I've been 19 for only 29 weeks and it feels like for fucking ever. MY GOD I can't believe all that has happened to me and I honestly don't want to go into it.
Recently I'm living with Bao again and I've been a rather bit of a hermit. My current boyfriend and hopefully my last.... yes I'm that much in love that I don't even search for another. I just have issues that I hope he can sit through. I trust him I've just been acting like an ass and I know it. I don't know what to do. When something so good comes into your life you wanta hold on to it and make it yours. I'm not giving him a chance to live I guess. I want him to do his thing and be with his friends, all I ask is when he meets new people I'm there. I think we've gotten to the point that we both agree that this is ok. His best friends Jasmine and Viktor are the best I adore them all. They are a ton of fun. Jasmine is the cutest thing on the planet. She really is. I only saw her for a bit, but she was soo polite and even invited us to dinner.
Myke is really stressed right now. I know I'm not making it any easier on him and I wish he knew that I wasn't purposably making his life hell. I don't know what I'm doing half of the time and I don't realize it until after. I'm getting to the point I don't worry about him and I make him make his own choices. I trust him not to cheat. Even when people have given me some proof that he could have been, it was all on dates that technically he could have done whatever he wanted and he didn't. So I give him props for that. He's one of the cutest and can be sweetest people I've ever met. He makes me laugh and feel warm and cozy. I just like to look into his eyes. Its a sad truth. His hazel eyes are beautiful. I don't think its only that is the smile/smirk/facial expression that he makes when I grab his face, look into his eyes and give him a big kiss. I think that every day he has been around I've become more relaxed it's become more normal for him to be around. I am trusting him more and more. I think I just need to sit down and tell him look, I'm sorry for being overly jealous but the fact of the matter is its not that i don't want anyone else to have you becuase i think your a good person adn the world should share you, but there is a peice of you that no one else but me has. Your special to me and mean as much to me and Brandon and my sister, I would do anything to make sure neither of them left my life and I'm sure as hell trying to keep you in mine. I may be going about it in the wrong way, and I'm sorry but my intentions are good. Then I will half expect him to say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" or be sweet and willing to work with me. I love him and I am willing to make every sacrifice possible to be there for him. I want him to make some comprimise for me as well. I don't ask for much. Honesty, loyalty and involvment in his life. He has all my honesty and I have not once told the boy a lie, cheated or not involved him in an aspect of my life.
THIS IS A BIG STEP FOR ME!!!
I've never been one ot settle down and I admit I haven't been one to be faithful. Sad truth and I will openly admit it. I cheated on Robert 1 time with Bryan. I shouldn't have, but I did. I felt horrible for it and I still do. I've been gay and out nad having sex since i was barely 16. I know what I hate in this community and I know what I love. I love men, I love sex, and I love some of the life that comes with it, parties with friends, clubs, social events, our resteraunts and bars. Its all more than I can handle. But I hate all the drugs, the lies, and the cheating. When I was 16 and 17 I was a total slut I did a lot of dirty things that should only be told in erotic novels or in short stories for Freshman Magazine. NO LIE! But when I turned 18 I was dating Robert. I calmed, I became a house wife, I was a good boy minus my one infraction, that truthfully I only did becuase he cheated on me with Roland and Jordan and countless others but he actually told me about the first two, anyways. After I broke up with Robert I reverted. Had a little incident at Jeremy's house with asian Brian, and realized I couldn't be like that. I started to mend my ways and slowly changed into the person I am today. A Bitch hermit! (www.illwillpress.com/bitch.html) I haven't been willing to settle down with another person in over a year. I was soo badly hurt. WIth Myke all want to do is cook for him, and clean his clothes and make sure hes always happy. I'm truely in love. Not in love with and idea, a thought, a DICK, I'm in love with Myke. I'm sounding sappy what happened to mean hateful me, who hates his family, his friends, and is always telling interesting tales of the weekends events. I honestly don't know where that Andy went, but get used to this one becuase he's here to stay for a little while at least.
Anyways Myke just called hes at the Hospital someones having a baby I guess and he drove his friends friend (see sweet guy) to go see her. Not a big deal! He will come home to me.
Recently I'm living with Bao again and I've been a rather bit of a hermit. My current boyfriend and hopefully my last.... yes I'm that much in love that I don't even search for another. I just have issues that I hope he can sit through. I trust him I've just been acting like an ass and I know it. I don't know what to do. When something so good comes into your life you wanta hold on to it and make it yours. I'm not giving him a chance to live I guess. I want him to do his thing and be with his friends, all I ask is when he meets new people I'm there. I think we've gotten to the point that we both agree that this is ok. His best friends Jasmine and Viktor are the best I adore them all. They are a ton of fun. Jasmine is the cutest thing on the planet. She really is. I only saw her for a bit, but she was soo polite and even invited us to dinner.
Myke is really stressed right now. I know I'm not making it any easier on him and I wish he knew that I wasn't purposably making his life hell. I don't know what I'm doing half of the time and I don't realize it until after. I'm getting to the point I don't worry about him and I make him make his own choices. I trust him not to cheat. Even when people have given me some proof that he could have been, it was all on dates that technically he could have done whatever he wanted and he didn't. So I give him props for that. He's one of the cutest and can be sweetest people I've ever met. He makes me laugh and feel warm and cozy. I just like to look into his eyes. Its a sad truth. His hazel eyes are beautiful. I don't think its only that is the smile/smirk/facial expression that he makes when I grab his face, look into his eyes and give him a big kiss. I think that every day he has been around I've become more relaxed it's become more normal for him to be around. I am trusting him more and more. I think I just need to sit down and tell him look, I'm sorry for being overly jealous but the fact of the matter is its not that i don't want anyone else to have you becuase i think your a good person adn the world should share you, but there is a peice of you that no one else but me has. Your special to me and mean as much to me and Brandon and my sister, I would do anything to make sure neither of them left my life and I'm sure as hell trying to keep you in mine. I may be going about it in the wrong way, and I'm sorry but my intentions are good. Then I will half expect him to say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" or be sweet and willing to work with me. I love him and I am willing to make every sacrifice possible to be there for him. I want him to make some comprimise for me as well. I don't ask for much. Honesty, loyalty and involvment in his life. He has all my honesty and I have not once told the boy a lie, cheated or not involved him in an aspect of my life.
THIS IS A BIG STEP FOR ME!!!
I've never been one ot settle down and I admit I haven't been one to be faithful. Sad truth and I will openly admit it. I cheated on Robert 1 time with Bryan. I shouldn't have, but I did. I felt horrible for it and I still do. I've been gay and out nad having sex since i was barely 16. I know what I hate in this community and I know what I love. I love men, I love sex, and I love some of the life that comes with it, parties with friends, clubs, social events, our resteraunts and bars. Its all more than I can handle. But I hate all the drugs, the lies, and the cheating. When I was 16 and 17 I was a total slut I did a lot of dirty things that should only be told in erotic novels or in short stories for Freshman Magazine. NO LIE! But when I turned 18 I was dating Robert. I calmed, I became a house wife, I was a good boy minus my one infraction, that truthfully I only did becuase he cheated on me with Roland and Jordan and countless others but he actually told me about the first two, anyways. After I broke up with Robert I reverted. Had a little incident at Jeremy's house with asian Brian, and realized I couldn't be like that. I started to mend my ways and slowly changed into the person I am today. A Bitch hermit! (www.illwillpress.com/bitch.html) I haven't been willing to settle down with another person in over a year. I was soo badly hurt. WIth Myke all want to do is cook for him, and clean his clothes and make sure hes always happy. I'm truely in love. Not in love with and idea, a thought, a DICK, I'm in love with Myke. I'm sounding sappy what happened to mean hateful me, who hates his family, his friends, and is always telling interesting tales of the weekends events. I honestly don't know where that Andy went, but get used to this one becuase he's here to stay for a little while at least.
Anyways Myke just called hes at the Hospital someones having a baby I guess and he drove his friends friend (see sweet guy) to go see her. Not a big deal! He will come home to me.