Financially i'm FUCKED
I hate money. Like, I really fucking hate it. I've been playing financial roullete the past few months, borrowing money here, borrowing money there... and i'm finally financially fucked. I blame my job. After paying rent today, I have 9 fucking dollars to last me 2 weeks... unless I sleep under my fucking desk here at work that's not enough to cut it.
I've got a budget, and the budget blows ass. With all my expenses getting to work and feeding myself, i've got 100 dollars a month to do OTHER things with... and those other things are usually every day expenses like... oh I don't know... deoderant, hair gel, some clothes (when I can afford them)... but I just don't make enough.
Now I know everyones saying "But I don't make enough either."... but I really don't. Industry standard for what I do for a living is 20-24 bucks an hour... I make 15.25. I pay 850 a month in rent alone... that's an entire fucking paycheck for me.
Here's my budget.
Average monthly income- 1600.
Rent- 850
Utilities- 100
Travel (train, PATH, taxi)- 400
Food- 200
That leaves 100 a month to do other thigns with. I could trim my "entertainment" expenses, but the problem is I don't even go out anymore, and when I do I don't usually spend over 30 bucks. Not because I'm cheap... because I honestly can't afford it. I can't take a fucking bus to work because they don't run at the times I need them to, so that leaves a taxi ride that costs me 13 bucks A FUCKING DAY to go 3 miles... I'm getting raped in the ass... but it's the only thing I can do.
Now people have been asking me why I'm moving in with Julie... and one of the main reasons is because I just can't afford to live on my own anymore. 1600 a month just isn't fucking cutting it paying my own way. If I cut my rent down to 500 a month... that's an extra 350 a month I can use for other purposes, plus cut utilities in half, plus food consumption... you've got a windfall of cash I didn't have before.
I'm not saying finances are the only reason I want to live with Julie... but it's a large part of it. I do love her, and we basically live together as it is... it will help me immensly.
For those of you that think I'm making a huge mistake... please do me a favor and just keep that to yourself. I really don't want to have to defend myself anymore as to why I'm making a mistake... I get it. You don't think it's a good idea... and yet not one person that objects to it has given me a better way to manage my finances because THERE IS NO BETTER WAY! I might not be a genius when it comes to math... but I can do simple addition and subtraction. Before I brought up moving in with Julie i agonized for 3 weeks over how to make it work, cut this expense here, become more frugal there... and there's just no fat left to trim... my budget looks like one of those etheopian kids you see on those Infomercials at 2am for christian charities.
I really fucking hope my interview for ERT goes well on Tuesday, because making around 40k a year would help me so god damn much. I'm going to put on my best suit and do my dog and pony show for them, and if they don't like beastiality I'm gonna do a nice soft-shoe or Charleston... because who doesn't like a white man with no rhythm dancing?
"Bob, he's underqualified but you should SEE his Funky Chicken!"
I almost feel like I did when I was living in my fucking car... but at least then I had an excuse as to being broke... I didn't have a job. Now I have a job and because of bills and being an adult I'm broke. I hate growing up... because now I feel awful calling my mother and asking her for money... which is what i'm going to have to do... there's no other way around it.
She always sounds so fucking disappointed in me when I call...
"I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end"- Breaking Benjamin