Fuck
I hate my life. I am so unfulfilled. Its funny that a lot of crap all at once can make you realize that. I just came home from Florida visiting my sister and my beautiful nieces and nephew. I loved it which I suppose most people say when they go on vacation. The whole premise of a vacation is to go somewhere away from home and relax and enjoy the change of scenery. How come when I went on vacation I didn't relax, I woke up at 8am every morning and took care of kids which I am not complaining about because I wouldn't have had it any other way but at the same time I was also thinking about how different my life would be if I lived here and I wished it could happen so much. You know you watch movies or shows where the character is a "runaway" but really they just left their shitty lives behind and made it somewhere else. Picked up everything and left. I don't find this idea to be crazy. I find it liberating and relieving. I always say I wish I could get up and leave shitty Michigan and stay away forever. Why can't I? I am almost 20 years old and I think I have done enough living for other people then myself. I feel so trapped and I really don't give a shit about anything that happens here. I am on the verge of failing every class and I don't give a shit. I just lost my job and I could care less. Fuck these people and fuck everything about Michigan. I could easily move in with my sister, pay no rent and get a good job down in Florida. It sucks cause I won't leave Paul but if my mental anguish gets worse then it is right now I will need to go for the summer and refocus. I hate life.